Hey y'all I just thought I'd take a break from [tedious task #18] to give y'all an update on [amusing situation # 40]. I talked to my boy, [companion #106], yesterday and he helped give me some perspective on [problematic female #4]. That [human excrement #2] worked like a [lucky device #56].
So anyway, I'm walking down the street and I see [volumptuous female #8], who's been frontin' hard ever since [problematic female #32] told her about seeing me with [volumptuous female #9]. I blew that shit off. I knew she still wanted to see me on [weekly occurance #1] and give me the [moist female orifice #1]. I think I smoothed it over with [rapid explanation #347]. Hopefully I'll check her out when I come back from [Michigan Metropolis #1] .
My [designated staff person #4] was working on [tedious task #46] and came to me with some [bovine excrement #98], talkin' bout he could finish [tedious task #46] with help from [designated staff person #8]. He knows full well that [designated staff person #8] is working on [important project #62] for [elected official #5]. That [female parent fornicator #1] oughta be kicked in the [human sex organ #12]. I know some of y'all think I'm a [offensive perjorative #91], but I like to think of myself as more of a [witty self-deprecating remark #221].
I just joined a new [social entity #77]. It is the [conical explosive weapon #14]!!! It's pretty state of the art. The only problem: no [derogatory female colloquiallism #8]. I'm trying to make due, but it's [euphemism to describe difficulty #30].
That's all I really have for [weekly occurance #5]. I'll see y'all [mule/donkey hybrids #1] later!
So anyway, I'm walking down the street and I see [volumptuous female #8], who's been frontin' hard ever since [problematic female #32] told her about seeing me with [volumptuous female #9]. I blew that shit off. I knew she still wanted to see me on [weekly occurance #1] and give me the [moist female orifice #1]. I think I smoothed it over with [rapid explanation #347]. Hopefully I'll check her out when I come back from [Michigan Metropolis #1] .
My [designated staff person #4] was working on [tedious task #46] and came to me with some [bovine excrement #98], talkin' bout he could finish [tedious task #46] with help from [designated staff person #8]. He knows full well that [designated staff person #8] is working on [important project #62] for [elected official #5]. That [female parent fornicator #1] oughta be kicked in the [human sex organ #12]. I know some of y'all think I'm a [offensive perjorative #91], but I like to think of myself as more of a [witty self-deprecating remark #221].
I just joined a new [social entity #77]. It is the [conical explosive weapon #14]!!! It's pretty state of the art. The only problem: no [derogatory female colloquiallism #8]. I'm trying to make due, but it's [euphemism to describe difficulty #30].
That's all I really have for [weekly occurance #5]. I'll see y'all [mule/donkey hybrids #1] later!
[remain below room temperature],
KZ
Man, to be FIRST, I gotta get up at 5:00 in the morning, and then you gon ask me to use ma' brain. Sheees. But like [bovine excrement]- BS the most. And I ain't no jacka@@...lol.
ReplyDeleteCute post, now go get some work done. I'm going back to bed.
Very cute Zed! You need some a$$ soon..too much time on your hands to come up with this shyt.
ReplyDeleteman that was cute but how about I startle myself by knowing what the [hot place ran by fallen musician #666] you were actually saying
ReplyDelete@Isha
ReplyDeleteDamn, you are first like a mutha. I just got this thing up!!!
You enjoy your sleep!
KZ
@69
ReplyDeleteI know you got some friends. Just send 'em to Michigan!
@Newy
Your mind works in crazy ways when you're horny.
KZ
Aren't you the clever one ...
ReplyDelete@Chele
ReplyDeleteYou said that like "Muthafucka, would you post something real!" But isn't this pretty true to the way all my shit reads anyway?
KZ
lawd, lawd, lawd....... WHY are you making folk think THAT much thie early in the DAYUM A.M.??????
ReplyDeleteYou crazy, yo! This was tight. it does seem like we all talk about the same shit just with different names.
ReplyDelete*blush * er um how you know that....*checking ova shoulder to see who else know sista has had a hiatis in the well*
ReplyDelete@Robyn
ReplyDeleteThat talk we had yesterday did me a world of good. I needed that shit, for real.
I've been beating myself up for not being good enough when I feel like it's kind of obvious it's not just me.
Back to the blog: African I wrote this last night while comtemplating the finite nature of life. It's all bullshit, isn't it?
@T Cas
This started out as a very high concept Mad Lib thing and devolved into the shit I ended up writing. I was gonna have everybody fill in the blanks. I doubted anyone would do it, so I changed it a little.
I feel like my shit in particular seems to follow the same ol' pattern. I gotta fix that.
@Newy
Dang, I was talking about me, but since you mentioned it and we're both in need...
KZ
It ain't just you. How many different ways can I talk about my kids, the coworker that sexually harasses me and my love life? We're trying to cleverly disguise our lives but the truth is we're all in the same rut.
ReplyDeleteBWAAHAHAHAHA! see, THIS is why i love your blog. very clever, zed.
ReplyDeleteLMAO! Fucking Hilarious!
ReplyDeleteDa hell? I m confrused
ReplyDeletelol..stay cool. This blog was dope.
ReplyDeletebut yuck @ moist female orfice, or whatever you said.
it's too damn early for all this where's my damn decoder ring or something?
ReplyDeletegee whiz!
I am glad that I was of help :-)
ReplyDeleteAnd that you maybe saw it from a different perspective that you hadn't considered...... :-)
Zed, you funny!
ReplyDelete@Chele
ReplyDeleteI've been writing the same blog forever. I recognize my rut. But honestly, I didn't recognize yours!
@Nikki
Thank you, sweetie. You're pretty hot stuff yourself!
On another note, I'm a fantasy football virgin. Sunday will be my first draft. I need a little assistance. I'll be in contact soon.
@Honest
Dem foreigners still givin' you grief, mama? Come work for me. You're not litigious are you?
@IllNana
I'm just making fun of my bullshit blog, that's all. How standard and blaise my shit is.
@L and TV
Ain't nuttin' wrong with a little moist female orifice #1. Or #2!
@Miss Ahmad
This post was especially for you! Since I've been talking too much about "the marginals" I tried a different approach.
@Robyn
I had a long hard look at my self yesterday. You kinda hurt my extra strong, masculine, chiseled feelings, but it was the truth. I built this thing for whatever it's worth.
@OneFrom
Could you please spread the word? I don't think most people even notice.
KZ
marginal people make me uncomfortable, please stay away from them.
ReplyDeletethat was too funny...even funnier as quickly as a was reading I got EXACTLY what you was talking about.
ReplyDeleteHolla!
I failed math. I can't take all of the numbers.
ReplyDeleteyou are too funny! i guess you really do have a "dangerous mind" huh? if so, are you more coolio or michelle pfeiffer? ;-)
ReplyDeleteVERY INTERESTING!!!
ReplyDelete@Miss Ahmad
ReplyDeleteI'll try to stay out of the margins, cool?
@MrsTJ
It wasn't too cynical, was it?
@BZ
Awww! The numbers are what make it funny to me!
@FA
You like that shit don't ya? Come over here and give me some sugar!
@RD
I guess I should be checkin' out your blog, but I don't know if I wanna read about [dude I'm feeling more than Zed #43,765].
KZ
Fantastic! Luv the twenty dollar words used to describe the two dollar sentiment. Have a great weekend, Boo!
ReplyDeleteZeddie don't be like that...I'm sensing you're a little perturbed at me at the moment...what can I do to make it right? I wanna be friends again!!!
ReplyDeleteYou don't know how lonely it is here...well you're in the Anus of Satan so maybe you do...so I should be getting more understanding from you...right?
by the way, you'd better get over to my blog and ask me 3 questions. i CANNOT wait to see what the hell you wanna know!!! ;-)
ReplyDelete@Chezniki
ReplyDeleteTwenty dollar words? I thought they were only five dollar words. You have a good weekend too!
@RD
I'm not that mad, I get it. Being stranded on Wack Island dolo is tough shit.
KZ
@FA
ReplyDeleteI don't know. I'm pretty graphic.
KZ
i really like this :)
ReplyDelete