Hey Emirates and Talibs, what's crackin'? I've been enjoying some of the finest personal transportation options that Satan's Anus has to offer. I'm referring, of course, to the taxi drivers that have been chauffeuring me to the job in the morning. I called one taxi company and they sent a guy right away. He was driving a white, old school Lincoln Town Car adorned with American flags. In the "D" (and any other major city I've been in) there is about two inches of (allegedly) bullet proof glass between driver and passenger. There is no barrier between me and the driver and frankly I'm not used to this shit.
Per my usual experience with every bastard in this slimy hellhole, he starts spouting off about his bullshit beliefs. In the meantime, I'm using my camera phone to take pictures of my crotch to pass the time as he rails on modernity and dissing George W. Bush. When the cab ride is over, mercifully, I go into work so I can voluntarily let another piece of myself die as I try to add my worldly gravitas to issues such as chain link vs. picket fencing.
The next day, I call another cab company, trying to get a different driver, and they tell me that it'll be about 30 - 45 minutes before they can get a cab my way. They only have one cab running this time of day (7:00 am). By the time the guy arrives, I'm ready to run to work. This dude is driving a regular yellow cab, with American flags all over it. I've actually had him as a driver before, the last time my car broke down. I remember I asked his name after the ride, then when he told me, the next day when I called for a cab, I specifically asked he not be my driver. Anyway he spouted off his bullshit beliefs, railing on modernity and thanking God for George W. Bush, while I texted TAD.
I arrived at work, ready to kill yet another part of myself as we discussed rearranging the office to make it more conducive to customer service (and nullify some scent issues), when I got the phone call from the garage that basically said "We're ready to become $2000 richer now". I asked one of my staff people to give me a ride to the shop and I begrudgingly said goodbye to the money Uncle Sam was holding on to for me. Once again me and Bluey were rollin' out.
When I got home last night a funny thing happened. I put the car in park and it started rolling backwards. Linkage issue. I had to take it back to the shop this morning so they could fix it. I hope I can stay out of cabs for a minute, though.
Per my usual experience with every bastard in this slimy hellhole, he starts spouting off about his bullshit beliefs. In the meantime, I'm using my camera phone to take pictures of my crotch to pass the time as he rails on modernity and dissing George W. Bush. When the cab ride is over, mercifully, I go into work so I can voluntarily let another piece of myself die as I try to add my worldly gravitas to issues such as chain link vs. picket fencing.
The next day, I call another cab company, trying to get a different driver, and they tell me that it'll be about 30 - 45 minutes before they can get a cab my way. They only have one cab running this time of day (7:00 am). By the time the guy arrives, I'm ready to run to work. This dude is driving a regular yellow cab, with American flags all over it. I've actually had him as a driver before, the last time my car broke down. I remember I asked his name after the ride, then when he told me, the next day when I called for a cab, I specifically asked he not be my driver. Anyway he spouted off his bullshit beliefs, railing on modernity and thanking God for George W. Bush, while I texted TAD.
I arrived at work, ready to kill yet another part of myself as we discussed rearranging the office to make it more conducive to customer service (and nullify some scent issues), when I got the phone call from the garage that basically said "We're ready to become $2000 richer now". I asked one of my staff people to give me a ride to the shop and I begrudgingly said goodbye to the money Uncle Sam was holding on to for me. Once again me and Bluey were rollin' out.
When I got home last night a funny thing happened. I put the car in park and it started rolling backwards. Linkage issue. I had to take it back to the shop this morning so they could fix it. I hope I can stay out of cabs for a minute, though.
Stay Real,
KZ
that's depressing as hell...i think i'll go sign up for prozack now. thanks!
ReplyDeleteHey stranger....
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to say hello....
@Miss Ahmad
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, but it's winter in Michigan.
@Nika
Oh my gosh! Where you been? I've been looking for you! How's Big D?
KZ
I stopped reading after "taking pictures of my crotch.." could u upload those...
ReplyDeleteCar issues suck! Sorry you're going through it. Hope Bluey comes out ok!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteMan you betta act like you know. Tip that driver $5 to shut-the-F-up in the morning and ride that big White Lincoln Town Car to work like yo azz is the Sultan of Satan's Anus.
ReplyDeleteLiving in this mad azz congested DC area, I would kill for a ride to work where i could sit in the back and take pictures of my crotch.
Maaan! I know how you feel! I broke my shoulder in 3 places last year & had to relay on cab drivers daily. Oh the agony of the funky smells & trying to decipher their version of the English language.
ReplyDeleteI hope you get your ride back soon :-)
You still sound unhappy!! I was hoping that in my absence you'd have some epiphany that would cause you to see some value in your job, the Anus, all that...but then and again you still have TAD, so all isn't lost I guess *whatever*
ReplyDeleteYeah I'm back...bet you didn't even miss me!
Why pictures of your package? Did it grow or something or shrink?
ReplyDelete*interesting*
@GG
ReplyDeleteAh...no!
You knee deep in activity as it is!
@BZ
Airplane issues are worse. I'm sorry to hear about your latest adventure.
@OneFrom
Shiiiiittttt! I'd like that picture taking assignment.
@Paula D
Damn! I didn't even know a muthafuckin' shoulder HAD three places!!! I'm glad you're all healed up now.
@RD
Of course I missed you. I went to your page daily and licked the screen. It just wasn't the same. LOL!
@DL
It was the only thing of interest between my house and my job. At least that's what the Board of Tourism put in their pamphlet.
KZ
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ReplyDeleteThis post reminds me of why I am afraid of small cities.
ReplyDeletei think you've had enough of a downward spiral. stuff will be turning around soon :)
ReplyDeletelol GG said just what I was gon say. And I'm glad I'm not the only one :-)
ReplyDeleteGET.
ReplyDeleteA.
NEW.
FUCKIN'
CAR!!!!!!!!!!!
DAYUM !!!! You put 2 G's into some crusty mufucka's pocket and had to take IT.BACK the NEXT.DAY?????? HELL naw!
Yo' ass don't believe fat meat is greasy!!!! You are gon mess around dude and have PAID (through repairs that is), for a new damn car!!!!
One day you must learn (as KRS said......)
okay I just have to say that I love that Robyn used my favorite line of all times.
ReplyDeletecuz fat meat is always greasy!!
I had a comment but Miss Robin has already shut it down. LOL
ReplyDelete@Miz JJ
ReplyDeleteSmall cities and cliquish and suspicious. They weird and don't know they weird.
@Aqua
I friggin' hope so!
@J
Y'all both nasty!
@Robyn
If you read this very carefully, your answers to why I don't get a new car are answered completely. If it was as simple as that, I'd be done with her pretty blue ass.
@Miss Ahmad
Indeed. LOL
KZ
What kind of hold does Bluey have on you? Does this car have pictures of you screwing a monkey or something? Get a new car. Two grand deep and the car is rolling backwards? What the...... :P
ReplyDeleteokay zed, i know all about the back story on bluey...but in today's economy the simple fact that you have a job and probably don't cash your pay checks at the liquor store means you could feasibly purchase a new ride.
ReplyDeleteso two things...
watch the movie the secret
start picking out your new car and let's just see if we can't picture you rolling in something reliable for the same price or better!
@Sixy
ReplyDeleteEt tu, Sixy?
@Angie
I will fuck a monkey, but alas, the truck has no pics of it. I just love the road she rolls on.
@Miss Ahmad
You think I could roll out in a Beemer? I likes German engineering. (Sorry Bluey!)
KZ
i'm just saying i bought a car with a job...they asked for my work number and i told the guy i would get it to him later.
ReplyDeletehe looked perplexed and asked when that would be, and i told him as soon as i had a work number to give him..
stranger things have happened! be open to something just as good or better than bluey..(maybe just better)
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ReplyDeleter we still talking about bluey??
ReplyDelete@Miss Ahmad
ReplyDeleteMaybe I'll talk to some car people. Anything is better than nothing, I suppose.
@GG
Yes! I have nothing better to talk about.
KZ
I.DON'T.CARE
ReplyDeleteGET.A.NEW.GODAMN.CAR.
PERIOD.
Once again this week the Bomba has not failed in her quest to keep my back fucked up. Somehow the fucking head gasket has blown on the car and it will cost me upwards of $1500. That's the biggest hit yet. I wanna drive this bitch into the river. I swear that car is possessed with the demon spirit of my ex-wife.
This statement ALONE is yet another GOOD.ASS reason to ditch that bitch before SHE drives YOU into the river, instead of the other way around……. You have done NATHAN J. BOOKMAN but solidify my feelings on this.
And uh….. in reference to this older post…..don’t you have a bed now????? Thought so.
And guess what? Bad ass credit and a high ass car payment or NOT, YOU.CAN.GET.SOMETHING in BETTER SHAPE. You just do not feel like exploring your alternatives. There are ways to get yourself OUT.OF a bad “vehicle” situation (without making yo shit worse!). You are just content to pay it off because you really do not feel like being bothered with going through the riggamoro of seeking a solution to this problem. If I am wrong and you HAVE tried alternate solutions, I apologize, my friend. And if that IS the case, maybe THIS will help you to realize that you “get what you pay for”. Buying a brand spanking new ass car AIN’T for everyone, but when you are fuckin with cars older than 5 years and you have NOOOOO idea what the previous owner put that shit through, making a decision to buy that car should be weighed verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry carefully (see: don’t buy no OLD ASS cars when you plan on having that bitch for ANOTHER 5 years!) Or you will just be coming outta lotta $$$. And you have no responsibilities dude! (see: you have MORE MONEY THAN MOST) to invest in a vehicle of BETTER quality!
If you decide to get ANOTHER used car, get one that is a year old…..cars depreciate the MOST in the first year anyway…..
And you STILL don’t believe fat meat ain’t greasy!!!! (thanks Ms. Ahmad! :-) )
@Robyn
ReplyDeleteNope. I'mma ride this out.
KZ
I could just beat da hell outta you! LOL
ReplyDeleteTHIS is why you and TAD are meant for wach other....
BOTH.
OF.
YA'LL
are STUBBORN AS HELL!!!
It's amazing that ya'll get out of the driveway!!!
Just Ornery and Stubborn!!! LOL
JUST BUY A DAMN NEW CAR ZEDDYKINS!!!!!!
ReplyDelete