Memo To Rose Royce

You bastards! How the fuck is "Car Wash" conducive to making people work at a car wash? I was seriously considering trying to get a new car wash off the ground. I was even gonna use your music to highlight the grand opening. Then, out of nowhere, the lyrics hit me like a ton of bricks.

Right off the bat, "You might not ever get rich..."
Fuck you, Rose Royce. How am I gonna attract potential hand dryers with this shit blaring out of my system?

"But let me tell ya it's better than diggin' a ditch..." What the fuck? What the fuck isn't better than digging a ditch, you assholes!

"There ain't no tellin' who you might meet/A movie star, or maybe even an Indian Chief..." I'm no statistician, Rose Royce, but I'll be damned if the odds ain't stacked against either one of these events actually occurring. Talk about false hope. You guys are jerks!

"Come summer the work gets kinda hard/Ain't no place to be if ya planned on being a star..." OK, that's it! What the fuck am I gonna use to attract the young and dumb to vacuum out Pintos all June, July and August if they can't bank on that shit makin' em famous. Gotdamn you!

"Let me tell it's always cool/The boss don't even mind sometimes if you act a fool..." One cotton-pickin' minute. Time is muthafuckin' money. I would INDEED mind if my employees acted a fool! Who the fuck do you think you are telling them otherwise? Do I know you, Rose Royce? Hunh? Answer me! Pussies!

"Work and work/My fingers to the bone..." This shit becomes less and less appealing everytime you open your fuckin' mouths. Please just shut the fuck up.

"Fill up and you don't have to pay.." That's some wishful fuckin' thinking, scumbags. No one gets a free car wash at my spot, bitches.

Just so you know, I'm out to ruin your careers! No more El Dorados and double knit slacks. No more Afro Sheen endorsements, no more lunches with Don Cornelius. Your asses are history!!!

Sincerely,
KZ