Thursday, February 21, 2008

Rubicon Musings

  • Jill Scott's titties over that hairy Armenian chick's ass implants.
  • Hey black boy, if she wants to hang around your friends and family but declines to take your to her haunts, it's not an interracial relationship, it's an sexual experiment.
  • Two gig opportunities not much different than Satan's Anus, both with one major difference. Both are less than 20 minutes outside of major world class cities. So yeah, I'd take either one.
  • To quote The Dream Warriors "Who is more fool? The fool or the fool who follows the fool?"
  • I was looking at my tax documents and I wondered how much waterboarding I helped pay for. With my pay, not much.
  • It's kinda funny to realize as old and crusty as we get, we still make our parents proud of us when we achieve shit.
  • I'd never been REALLY afraid of death until I got engaged this time. Now I'm terrified of missing out on some great shit in the future. It's weird.
  • I hadn't really thought about how much 9/11 affected my personal world, but it's the reason I am where I am. I didn't wanna waste my life (what little I thought we had left) in a miserable marriage, in middle management, spinning my wheels.
  • TAD hates gravy. If we moved to Canada, her fries would be sooooo dry!!!
  • I gotta move in eight days. Am I packed? I'm still living like I'll be there for life. I'm a fucking idiot.
  • The fucked up thing is if I get a new gig, I gotta pack all over again.
  • If I wasn't so lazy, I'd be a fucking millionaire, I promise you. I have the greatest ideas and then I say "fuck it".
  • I used to lose focus by chasing pussy. Now I lose focus thinking about the sex I'm not getting. Maybe I can focus in a functional marriage and make millions. We'll see.

Be Good,

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

True Happiness = Overrated

A minister could shit in a cereal bowl, shout epithets, and pretend to slap box my cousin. Then he could say "I now pronounce you man and wife, you may kiss the bride" and I'd be happy.

Afterwards, muthafuckas could mill around a darkened parking lot, with their cars parked in a circle with the headlights on, playing Schoolly D CDs on repeat and I'd be happy. Scratch that. I could give a fuck less what they do afterwards, because I gotta spend the rest of my life trying to support and raise my new family.

The shit I will never be happy about is this ulcer inducing, pain inflicting, horror show known as "planning the wedding" and all the bullshit that accompanies it.

I would gouge my eyes out with a fork and then sprinkle the empty sockets with tobasco if I could just move on the the marriage. This shit is the source of the majority of tension in my back and shoulders. And I'm in the middle of moving and job hunting. That's saying something.

Life is fucking hard enough, but putting together an expensive extravaganza to celebrate added responsibility and belt tightening just seems so fucking counterintuitive. We're at fucking war. The economy is in the dumper. And if you've got OnDemand and you're a fan of The Wire, shit is more depressing than ever.

I'm Out,

Friday, February 15, 2008


I celebrated an anniversary yesterday as a member of my frat. I didn't call anybody, sands' or otherwise. Didn't email 'em either. I still love my brothers, but I've been kind of cocooning. So a belated toast to the Valentine Line. I.nvictus, muthafuckas. I'll see all y'all soon.

I got a strange call yesterday though. My secretary told me "He says it's your nephew". I thought about that. I have 4 nephews, ages 5, 7, 16, and 18. I doubt that any of them have my home number let alone my work number, so I was wary. "Put him through".

"Hey Keith, what's up? It's your nephew Amen-Ra." Amen-fuckin'-Ra. I hadn't heard that name in at least 6 years. It was my ex-wife's little nephew, sounding grown as hell.

"Man, what goin' on?" I asked, now especially wary. "Well, I'm calling because I'm about to pledge your frat and I need some help. " There it was. I know he didn't need advice. This was about money. This was the little cat that I used to take to frat meetings with me and have him around the bros to get him interested in going to college at the very least and at the most join the frat when he was ready. Now we was ready.

"When we submit our application, we have to pay $950..." My mind trailed off. $950 for undergrad fees? Highway fucking robbery.

"Ra, I'll see what I can do, but I got shit to pay for myself right now. Send me the information, email it to me." I needed to see if what he says is legit. I didn't want him on a "ghost line" either, where these cats take your money but their chapter is suspended, leaving the pledgee ass out.

Really I wouldn't have thought about coming out any money, but he caught me on my anniversary, when nostalgia got the best of me.


Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Can't We All Just Not Get Along?

Have you ever met somebody that boasted that they could get along with anybody? I'm know a few people like that. I hate those motherfuckers. What you're essentially saying is that you're a fucking cypher, because if you had any personality at all, you'd fucking offend someone or at the very least you'd dislike certain behaviors in others. If you can get along with ANYBODY, you are at worst a liar and at the least an idiot. The Democratic Party is that idiot/liar.

I won't be voting for Hilla.ry Cli.nton. Not because of the recent history with Bill out there being her racist mouthpiece. I just don't care for her. I don't think she has good ideas and I believe she's just a political opportunist. I'm not a B.arack dude, but I'd vote for him if he was the nominee. I was really a Kuci.nich dude, but as far as viable candidates go, I was looking at Edwards. Following my lesser of all evils strategy, I end up with at this point.

My problem is I'm sick of holding my nose and voting. I had to vote for G.ore when I didn't think much of him. He's much better now than he was then. I'd happily vote for him now. I hated Ker.ry, but I voted for him because it was for the good of the nation. Now? Fuck that. I'm not doing it. I can't do it anymore. If the Democrats want me to vote for them, they better damn well not nominate Bill's wife. Hi.llary C.linton and Joh.n are essentially the same candidate. Why the fuck would I do that to myself?

Keep It Movin',

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Puff Pastry

What up, y'all? I'm being bored by my work week per usual. I'm in agonizing pain. It feels like I have a pinched nerve in my shoulder because I slept wrong this weekend. TAD went to sleep before me so I slept on the futon in the guest room to keep from waking her. Big mistake, my African. I'm fucked up. Epson salt baths, hot showers, Icy Hot, heating pads, the works. No haps. My shit is still jacked.

It's all got me thinking about what's legal and not legal. Advil and this other shit I keep taking literally does nothing to ease the pain. I can't legally smoke cush, which would probably set me straight right away, but liquor is legal as fuck, with no medicinal upside whatsoever. It's fucked up I tell you.

I can't even munch on a hash brow.nie. The fucking hippies lost.

The one thing I'll remember out of this is it's better to wake TAD up on the weekend than to sleep on some uncomfortable shit. Weekend sleep can be re-couped, but I'm getting too old for that "plop down anywhere" shit.


Monday, February 04, 2008

Biggie Smalls

Go the fuck back to watching Celtics games and protesting integrated schools, Boston. Nothing to see here.

Stay Cool,

Friday, February 01, 2008

Wash That Taste Out Of Your Mouth With This Dick

Hey friends, what's poppin'? I've been uber-busy this week, trying to pack, find a place to live, masturbate, do performance evaluations, and respond to employee grievances and salary upgrades. It's been something else.

The place I'm trying to live hadn't called me. I had to call them several time to see if my lease application was accepted. Finally they said yes. Then told me they had just mailed the response to me. "Why did you mail the response? I told you I needed to move right away. I needed that information as soon as possible." The response? That's just the way they do it. Some people are too stupid to live. I'm really not sure if I'm going to move there after that shit.

Performance evaluations are the most boring things on Earth. I gotta lie to come up with good shit to say about staff, and I gotta soft soap the raw truth. Nobody's ever happy with what's said, but I don't think they realize how soft I'm actually being on them. Fuck 'em all, really.

The most interesting thing by far has been the grievances. I talk to the union, they get upset, start showing their asses, I ask are they finished, they say "yes", and I walk out of the room with shit laid down the way I want it to be. This one cat who didn't get his way made sure to let me know that "This place just keeps leaving a bad taste in my mouth. I've had it!" OK, muthafucka, I have a solution for ya...

Be Cool,