Self Central

Today has already been a good day, but it's bound to get worse. I was driving in today and had the urge to listen to "Bird In The Hand" by Ice C.ube. I came in ready for whatever is thrown at me. "...punch the clock like a slave and be happy when YT says there's no room for the African..." I'll take my hip hop over your hip hop anyday. Fuck dancing, I'm stompin'.

My boss has a meeting fetish. I've got two with him today. He'll come into a standing meeting he sets, and say "Well I have nothing on my agenda. Does anyone have anything to talk about?" Now, if this had happened at my old job, we'd walk out and the meeting would be over. But here, this gives staff the opportunity to blather on about WHATEVER comes to mind. I mean it turns into the TMI express. I can't believe some of the shit they bring up in a management staff meeting. "We had to go to the ER this weekend. My son stuck a marble up his ass." Really, Angie?

It's all part of my overriding belief that most people don't even think about other people. It's a pervasive narcissism that's taking over our society. We are the "Me" generation, now and forever, until something major happens to change it. Personally, I think that I might take other people into consideration too much.

I've been in this extremely guilty mindset for the last couple of days. This chick I've been cool since '91 has started hanging out with my ex-wife. She emailed me about it and I was bugged. I couldn't put my finger on it, but then I realized what upset me: it's lingering guilt over me not trying harder to make my marriage work. I don't know if I'll carry that baggage into the next relationship(s) I enter into. It's the one thing that I tried that I truly failed at. I just didn't want anybody I was cool with to see her side of my shortcomings. I've tried not giving a fuck, to no avail.

We all fail in some aspects of our lives, it's just tough for it to be so public. It's a pride thing, I guess. I might be one of the last holdouts on keeping that private.

Be Good,
KZ