Man, Fuck...

I was leaving work yesterday, going to get something to eat before my evening meeting, about to make a right turn on the massive one way street called Michigan Avenue. I looked to the right, just out of instinct, because, of course, there was no traffic coming from that direction, and inched the nose of my car past the sidewalk. I looked to my left and saw that traffic was still coming at a steady rate. I looked back to my left, and out of nowhere, a filthy, middle aged toothless Black man was on his bike, standing right next to my passenger side window.

"You pulled out and made me hit your tire!"
"What?"
"You pulled out on the sidewalk and made me hit your tire. You got my chest and heart all hurtin'!"
"You sayin' I hit you?"
"You got my chest all hurtin'!"
"Are you sayin' I hit you?"
"You got my chest all hurtin'?"
"Man, what do you want from me? You wanna sue me? What do you want?"
"You got my chest all hurtin'. At least you could give me money for a hamburger or somethin'."
"Man, fuck you. Sue me. Take down my license plate, n*gga."

And I sped off, hoping to just go get a quick meal before this night meeting.

I stopped about 3/4 of a mile down Michigan at this restaurant. I parked across the street and headed to the crosswalk. In front of me at the crosswalk was a lady (and I use this term generously) listening to her iPod. She was a large woman dressed as though she was a trucker or a longshoreman. She looked over her shoulder and saw me standing there. Then she apparently heard something too good to stand still for in her earphones, because at that moment she started suggestively shaking her enormous trucker ass in my direction.

That's when I knew everybody here was as crazy as I thought they were. Every fucking day it's something new. Meanwhile, my wife lives a billion miles away and my job sucks dick. Man, fuck...

KZ