Ultramagnetic KZ

I attract the weird and neurotic (no offense readers). It's just what I do. The people I make friends with or hang around with definitely have an eccentric bent. I don't think I do, but hell, I'm me. I'm not supposed to think I'm weird.

Case in point: My friend Agent Zero. She's got two shorties, ages 12 and 14, who are currently in the south visiting their father. Their deadbeat father, who has never spent ANY time with them before this summer and has never sent any cash. By whom she got pregnant the second time while engaged to somebody else. She's lamenting that he's had a vasectomy, after 7 illegitimate children. She'd like to have another child and she'd like them all to have the same father. The same deadbeat loser father.

I got another friend, Jayne Kennedy, a chick I talked about on these very pages around 2 1/2 years ago. She's trying to find her life mate. But not just any life mate. No, no, this dude has got to be GREEK, a member of the Pan-Hell. Because she's a dedicated member of her sorority and a regular cat just can't understand her and her relationship to her sorors. She is 33 years old. She's been a Greek for 12 years. It is not in the least played out for her or at least ebbed a little bit. She's on all the little Divine Nine sites and always para'ed up, 12 years later.

Lastly, I'd like to talk about Curly. This cat is never satisfied. He's marginal looking, slow witted, and has bad dental work. He's 43 years old and looking for the perfect woman. Chick after chick gets introduced to him to no avail. He claims he wants "a dime". He's a fucking nickel, and I'm being generous. The only chick he has eyes for is the chick I'm with. I'm sorry to tell him(actually I'm not) it's too late for him and her. But I'll let him keep bitching about what's not out there and stop trying to lead that horse to water.

I'd be less frustrated if these people didn't like me so much and want to hang around me. The thing is, as much as I try to be an island, I can't. I need in the flesh friends around me too. It just need to see what it is in me that keeps attracting the looniest people on Earth.

Peace,
KZ

Atrophy

When I graduated from college, I thought it would never end. I ran with a pack of the coolest cats possible and we were at the top of our games. We had a group of women we were loosely affiliated with too. I loved how we came together and created this wall, this aura around us. Like a high school cafeteria, wherever I sat at the club or the restaurant was the cool table, with the popular kids. That was my post college life. It lasted for about six good years.

Of the dudes from that era, I only talk to one on a regular basis, Three. One of my boys called me yesterday and I ignored the call. I don't have a phone number for two of my boys, I just know they live out of state. One of my boys is a Detroit cop, the type of African that loves army games and uniform shit. He's lost his rabid assed mind. One of my boys is under "suspect" watch. Another one is religious fanatic. One of 'em is a right-wing Repu.blican who tacitly hates black people.

The chicks found dudes and they dropped off the radar, though most of them I'm sure I could reach if I really wanted to. I just can't get too comfortable calling chicks with dudes, out of respect for the dude, even though nothing's ever jumped off. It's just the way it is, so we don't talk for the most part.

I've been shitted on my "friends" for no good reason and I've never lost sight of the one thing I thought that mattered. We love each other. We say things to each other that no one else can say to us. I always valued that and stayed loyal to that ideal.

Now I wonder what all the fucking fuss is about. People come and people go. You don't have to accept shitty, selfish behavior. Or maybe I've just forgotten what friendship is supposed to be like. You know what happens when you don't exercise a muscle in a long time. It grows weak and flabby. That's what's happened to my "friendship muscle". It's not worth the fucking effort. I'm tired. I'm fucking tired.

Peace,
KZ