You Have Thunder?

I was on a coffee date last night with "Batshit" and it was going pretty well. We were talking about work and other miscellaneous stuff. In the past month and a half since I've known her my opinions on her have ranged from "a little crazy" to "fucking insane". Last night was one of her saner moments.

I know there are a lot of women out there like this. Fucked around in their twenties and now in their early to mid thirties want to wash away their pasts by "total immersion religion". TIR consists of an all gospel music collection, heavy judgment against all things perceived as wicked (unless it's "Girlfriends" or some shit like that), becoming a born again virgin, faithful attendance at a really strict church, undying devotion to a pimp-like pastor, and non stop chatter about the need for everyone within listening range to get saved. That's "Batshit" in a nutshell. She's not the first woman I've met like this, and she surely won't be the last. And I'm not really judging her, though it sounds like it. If you have an agenda that puts marriage high on your list and you think this is the path, WORK YOUR PROGRAM. It's just not the way to fuck with me. I like bad girls. The badder the better.

Anyway, we were ordering coffee and she was standing in front of me. She ordered. When she was finished she stepped back into me so that her back was in my chest. I grabbed her by the waist and pulled her closer to me. She leaned her head into my shoulder. I leaned down and kissed her on the forehead. And we stayed like that for a little while. This seems minor but it was a giant step in our completely non-physical dating game.

We sat down and talked about a bunch of different stuff, then I spilled my guts. "Listen, I really like you. I'm physically attracted to you, I have been since the first time I saw you. And as I'm getting to know you, I like you more and more." Why the hell am I being this frank with her? I could not tell you, it just felt right. "I don't think we could ever be a couple. I don't think we're compatible. You are seriously religious and I don't trust any organized religion. You want to live in a little house in a small community with a white picket fence. I want to live in a penthouse in Manhattan. This won't work on any serious level."

"Batshit" stared at me the entire time I talked. When I finished she said "How long have you been thinking about this." I told her I didn't know which was the truth. I don't consciously remember when I started to think about this. Trust me readers, y'all would know. She said, "I couldn't progress in the way I want to with a man who didn't take Christ as his savior. Anything else I could compromise."

When we left that coffeehouse, I planned on not ever talking to her again. I was going to suck it up and go it alone in that small town. But she called me a few times last night and we talked a little this morning. Not serious and deep. Just friendly stuff. Honestly, that's probably at the level it will stay.

This morning I had a meeting with a bunch of regional government leaders in my area. Is there no end to the number of white women bureaucrats with short manly looking haircuts and leisure suits? All those hoes look like Richie Cunningham's dad. And those fucking meeting cliches are killing me. "I'd like to piggyback on what Zed just said." No, you can't piggyback on what I said you fucking sodomite!!! This muthafucka this morning who spoke after another guy says "Daryl just stole my thunder." You got thunder?!? Where the fuck did you get thunder? How come I didn't get thunder? You see how they do the black man? How the fuck he get thunder and I didn't get no muthafuckin' thunder? That's some bullshit!!!

Platonically yours,
KZ