What's up, folks? I spent yesterday chillin', masterbating, chillin' some more, then jackin' off again, then laying down 'cuz I jerked myself into a headache. Anyway, I'm relaxing and my phone rings. It's E.T. so I don't answer. Then I said fuck it, this will be a good time to straighten out some shit, like her coming to my gig uninvited. I called her back. She asked me if I wanted to come out for drinks. No, I didn't but I was bored and I needed to get re-hydrated after all the beating off. I accepted. It would be better to get shit off my chest face-to-face anyway. I washed my hands and dick and got dressed.
I was meeting her at this bar/restaurant inside the big hotel downtown. It's actually a pretty sophisticated looking bar. I was impressed. I walked to the bar and she was sitting there with her friend. Fucking mistake on her part. Her friend was gorgeous. Drop dead gorgeous. Built like a brick shithouse. Side note: If you're a gump or a goon, take special care to not bring someone around that makes you look worse, especially if it's a man you're trying to get with. Back to the story. I introduced myself to the chick and she was excessively ghetto. Who gives a fuck. Goony + Pseudo Hood or Beautiful + Hood, guess who wins that battle?
She had a fake French name, bad taste in clothes (e.g. blue cowboy boots with yellow flames on them), and a slutty demeanor. Africans, I was in love! So E.T. begins to intimate that she and I have some little sexual relationship. She's irritating the fuck outta me. I start talking about going home next week so I see some women I miss, just to shut her the fuck up. Both of 'em have been drinking a lot already so it's disorienting. I really dislike drunk people when I'm sober. E.T. starts touching my chest. "You don't have man boobs do you? I hate Africans with man boobs." "I sure do. 38 DDs baby. I guess that makes me undesireable!" They're laughing and shit, just having a ball. They start talking about "literature", in specific, the "Superhead" book. Real Chickenhead shit. I listen to them talk bad about this chick, but at least she's got a marketable skill.
E.T. starts putting her leg up on the table. The tall bar table we're sitting at. "Look, I'm flexible. I thought you knew?" I look for the waitress. "Could you bring the check?" "One or three separate?" "Three." E.T. looks over at me, "Why you frontin'? You ain't buyin' drinks?" "I was at home chillin'. You invited me out. You should be paying for my drinks" I answered. The checks came and E.T. grabbed mine and paid it. We left.
I walked them to the car, lingering behind to look at Fake Frenchie's ass in that tiny mini-skirt. We get to the car, E.T. hugs me and they leave.
I can't remember driving home, but when I woke up today there was a missed call from E.T. on my cell. I'm glad I missed it.
I was meeting her at this bar/restaurant inside the big hotel downtown. It's actually a pretty sophisticated looking bar. I was impressed. I walked to the bar and she was sitting there with her friend. Fucking mistake on her part. Her friend was gorgeous. Drop dead gorgeous. Built like a brick shithouse. Side note: If you're a gump or a goon, take special care to not bring someone around that makes you look worse, especially if it's a man you're trying to get with. Back to the story. I introduced myself to the chick and she was excessively ghetto. Who gives a fuck. Goony + Pseudo Hood or Beautiful + Hood, guess who wins that battle?
She had a fake French name, bad taste in clothes (e.g. blue cowboy boots with yellow flames on them), and a slutty demeanor. Africans, I was in love! So E.T. begins to intimate that she and I have some little sexual relationship. She's irritating the fuck outta me. I start talking about going home next week so I see some women I miss, just to shut her the fuck up. Both of 'em have been drinking a lot already so it's disorienting. I really dislike drunk people when I'm sober. E.T. starts touching my chest. "You don't have man boobs do you? I hate Africans with man boobs." "I sure do. 38 DDs baby. I guess that makes me undesireable!" They're laughing and shit, just having a ball. They start talking about "literature", in specific, the "Superhead" book. Real Chickenhead shit. I listen to them talk bad about this chick, but at least she's got a marketable skill.
E.T. starts putting her leg up on the table. The tall bar table we're sitting at. "Look, I'm flexible. I thought you knew?" I look for the waitress. "Could you bring the check?" "One or three separate?" "Three." E.T. looks over at me, "Why you frontin'? You ain't buyin' drinks?" "I was at home chillin'. You invited me out. You should be paying for my drinks" I answered. The checks came and E.T. grabbed mine and paid it. We left.
I walked them to the car, lingering behind to look at Fake Frenchie's ass in that tiny mini-skirt. We get to the car, E.T. hugs me and they leave.
I can't remember driving home, but when I woke up today there was a missed call from E.T. on my cell. I'm glad I missed it.
Enjoy,
KZ
7 comments:
Damn Zed, you jerked yourself into a headache?!?!?!
That’s not good. Its supposed to cure your headache not give you one!
You...are a fucking mess. I love it. Carry on.
she paid for drinks and still didn't get any? yeah, she'll be at your job tomorrow... and so you pop off twice and are done? you disappoint me Zed, I was starting to believe you were a real live energizer bunny
Damn, you keepin' it real homie! I like thaat.
that's alot of pulling the snake, zed. i love masturbating too, but when you give yourself a headache, it's time to take a break.
and you need to cut e.t. off permanently. she's getting on MY fucking nerves.
I was expecting some doom story when I saw E.T...Be glad you got away with free drinks amidst the atrocious ghetto-ites (cowboy boots w/mini?!!! WTF?!).
Leave E.T. alone! Or else, you'll be blogging about how you woke up next to her from a night of too much drinking and then she'll pop up at your office again with that loud aiisss Beyonce ring tone...:-)
@Accomplice
No, we love slutty girls! It's the stupid we can do without.
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