I went to this function this weekend at Satan's Anus University. It was homecoming weekend and the Black alumni association was having a scholarship fund raising event. Being a bored ass lame cat, I decided to crash the event.
I went to the entrance and was told it was $25 to enter the event. I gave the elderly lady at the door a $50.
Lady: Is this the smallest you got?
KZ: No, I'm trying to break it. I need change for the cash bar.
Lady: (looking at my money clip) You carryin' around that much money? You must be from Detroit.
KZ: Ummm..
Lady: I can tell you're from Detroit. You wearin' gators?
KZ: (laughing)
Lady: Oooh, you got a nice smile. You oughta let an old lady teach you some thangs.
So after I finished fuckin' her, I went into the party. It was a cool event. There was an older alumni set on one part of the building and a young alumni event on the other. I was pretty much smack dab in between age wise, but the young alumni were fuckin' wildin' out. The line was so long, I couldn't even get into the door.
At the older alumni set, I was being shadowed by Poppins and mean mugged by her husband. Poppins is probably clinically insane. If I could just get her to go to a clinic and prove it. Damn that free will!
After the gigs, people were streaming out of both alumni events. Man, the young alumni shit was fulla babes. I saw two of my old co-workers, Shan and Ra, from the City of Detroit, proving once again that Detroit is stacked. How I ever worked around such hotness without batting an eye proves just how deep the Metro area is.
I was kicking it with them and they're trying to get me to go to this after party at some dude's crib that used to be very popular when they were in school. Turns out the guy is Carmel's ex. This is the same dude who was calling me and hanging up like a bitch. So I decline, citing beef with that cat. Shan asks me to explain. I tell her it's over a girl. She says "It's not Carmel is it?"
And I laugh.
She begins to tell me story after non-stop story about the drama of that couple during their school days, right up until the point where good ol' Carmel walks in with some dude. (That damn Robert Mack!)
I return focus back on Shan and Ra. Carmel walks up. "Hey big daddy!" and hugs me. I give her the ol' buddy hug (three back pats). "It's good to see you!" "Yeah, you too." She continues to make small talk for another minute and then she's off.
I left shortly thereafter and went home to bed. I woulda slept pretty much straight through the night if it wasn't for the sound of the phone ringing at 4:30 am. Yep, it was her.
I went to the entrance and was told it was $25 to enter the event. I gave the elderly lady at the door a $50.
Lady: Is this the smallest you got?
KZ: No, I'm trying to break it. I need change for the cash bar.
Lady: (looking at my money clip) You carryin' around that much money? You must be from Detroit.
KZ: Ummm..
Lady: I can tell you're from Detroit. You wearin' gators?
KZ: (laughing)
Lady: Oooh, you got a nice smile. You oughta let an old lady teach you some thangs.
So after I finished fuckin' her, I went into the party. It was a cool event. There was an older alumni set on one part of the building and a young alumni event on the other. I was pretty much smack dab in between age wise, but the young alumni were fuckin' wildin' out. The line was so long, I couldn't even get into the door.
At the older alumni set, I was being shadowed by Poppins and mean mugged by her husband. Poppins is probably clinically insane. If I could just get her to go to a clinic and prove it. Damn that free will!
After the gigs, people were streaming out of both alumni events. Man, the young alumni shit was fulla babes. I saw two of my old co-workers, Shan and Ra, from the City of Detroit, proving once again that Detroit is stacked. How I ever worked around such hotness without batting an eye proves just how deep the Metro area is.
I was kicking it with them and they're trying to get me to go to this after party at some dude's crib that used to be very popular when they were in school. Turns out the guy is Carmel's ex. This is the same dude who was calling me and hanging up like a bitch. So I decline, citing beef with that cat. Shan asks me to explain. I tell her it's over a girl. She says "It's not Carmel is it?"
And I laugh.
She begins to tell me story after non-stop story about the drama of that couple during their school days, right up until the point where good ol' Carmel walks in with some dude. (That damn Robert Mack!)
I return focus back on Shan and Ra. Carmel walks up. "Hey big daddy!" and hugs me. I give her the ol' buddy hug (three back pats). "It's good to see you!" "Yeah, you too." She continues to make small talk for another minute and then she's off.
I left shortly thereafter and went home to bed. I woulda slept pretty much straight through the night if it wasn't for the sound of the phone ringing at 4:30 am. Yep, it was her.
KZ
34 comments:
4:30 definintely falls in the "booty call" timeframe.. I dare not ask.
DOH! 4:30 booty call? I mean, can you at least call me at 2:30 so we have the chance to get some friggin sleep afterward? LOL
DAMMIT!!! You have a very iunteresting social life...... and YOU used to talk about ME!!! I ain't got NUTHIN on YOU nucca!
LOL
Well Well Well. Things do go bump in the night...lol
....heeheehee
How was "old ass" compared to Carmel ass?
That chick actually called you Big Daddy in front of everybody?
...man, I hate that I missed out on the oppurtunity to meet that chick face to face...really I do
@1in
Go ahead. Ask.
@BZ
When I saw her it was 2:30, so I guess she was giving me a little breathing room.
@Robyn
Shit, I'm a boondock dweller. Any excitement is good for me.
@Slish
I'm not the Slasher! I'm not that motivated anymore.
@Blah
"Old Ass" was surprisingly spry and full of vinegar.
Yes, she called me big daddy in front of everybody.
We shoulda went over there. Seriously. We might still be able to.
KZ
that is some cool shit...You have to appreciate a woman that gives you 2 hours breathing space..dumps the dude she was with and still calls you to knock her off in the wee hours of the morning..
well at least it wasn't your ex calling you at 4:30 about some fake ass emergency or texting you with 13 damn text messages!
glad you had a good time though. and stay away from crazy cooch :)
LOL@Lady pegging you as being from Detroit due to your money clip and your shoes...let me find out
Anyway, Im with BZ. Official BootyCall cut off time is 2:30am...with the next available time being 5:30am for that early morning Quickie(so you can smile all day at work). Maybe she was trying to ditch a prior engagement.
...Oh, I almost forgot...GO TIGERS!!! LOL
@ KZ: If I see a dude I wanna f*ck at 2:30, I'm asking him to come home with me.
Because, if I leave alone at that hour, I'm going to sleep and not waking back up until after the sun has risen.
*shaking head* Kids.
@1in
I couldn't believe she ditched that cat and called me. That was some shit!
@Aqua
I haven't talked to my ex-wife in close to four years. I know she wouldn't pull that shit. My other exes I'm on pretty good terms with.
For the record, I let the phone ring. Crazy cooch is off my diet.
@Chezniki
You know that coulda been it. Trying to let that bugaboo dude know she had options. You never know.
If the Tigers win, they're gonna have to rebuild the city from scratch. Mark my words.
KZ
@BZ, again
Remember, she walked in there with a dude, so she had to shake him, right?
KZ
So, was your ego stroked? Girlfriend dumped her man with the quickness, ran home and called you as quick as possible.You must have been looking good Zed!
hell naw for the old lady wanting to "teach you some thangs!" uh, yeah 430 is definitely booty call time--but hey, maybe her "body was calling for you!" ;-P
I wonder what shaking the other dude entailed? So then what happened, or do I even need to ask?
@Sixy
Actually my ego was stroked. Just like I can't take the bad things personally, I can't take the good shit personally either. Everybody was intoxicated.
@FA
She probably thought I was out with one of the chicks I was talking to. She was trying to break that shit up.
@MizJJ
She probably gave him the Carmel treatment, which I detailed in my archive.
Details! Details! I'll give you that. But, that means that I will tell you, at 2:30, to meet me at my place in only the amount of time it takes for me to get there. I ain't waiting 2 hours to decide to tell you I want it then. You'd have already at least known it would be happening.
@BZ, yet again
Little does it matter. I didn't get any.
KZ
naw i'm talking about my ex-boyfriend. i broke up him ...again. this time i am done for real. that joker is going off the deep end this time.
Zed I know you haven't gotten desperate to take lessons form lil ole ladies yet...lol Sounds like you just can't escape crazy azz Caramel. And you know deep deep down, you like it ;)
Just swingin' through to say Hey!
Nothing special...you may proceed with the antics.
I am about to check my phone line to make sure they ain't clipped or something. I never get those 4 am joints no mo'.
Zed...you drankin Anus wata or somefuin?
If so...send me some...I am thirsty in more ways than one.
Little is known about her past
So listen to me cause I know her ass
Used to steal money out her boyfriends clothes
And never got caught, so the story goes
She kept doin' that to all her men
Found the wrong man when she did it again
And still to this day people wonder why
He didn't beat the bitch down till she almost died
Sophisticated.
@Mack
I coulda made that call the next day, but I didn't have to. She called me 10 hours later. I didn't pick up. Jinxin' ass Rob Mack! As soon as I saw her, I thought of you. I'mma ship her ass to the Chi.
Dog, I hated drinkin' pineapple juice!
@Aqua
I didn't know you gave that cat some more run!
To paraphrase the immortal Oaktown's 3-5-7, perhaps it's the juicy that has him crazy.
@Beauty
That old lady thing took me for a loop. She betta not fuck with me, she might need a new hip.
Do I like pretty women showing me attention? Yes. Drama? Not so much.
@Isha
What's up, mama?
@DL
You be runnin' shit. How you gon' be thirsty?
@Hassan
Once again classic P.E. rules the day. That's a perfect theme song for Carmel. That or "she watch channel zero".
KZ
please tell me you didn't fuck that girl.
@Nikki
I can tell you without hesitation that I did not fuck that girl nor talk to that girl after I saw her.
I got away clean.
KZ
I think Carmel got shook by dude...and she went through her phonebook and found Zed...and remembered that crazy wasn't in his diet but she liked the challenge and called him because...she's crazy!
Oaktown 3-5-7
HILARIOUS
@UpIn
"I don't know Ka-ra-te, but I know cr-a-zay" -James Brown, your favorite singer.
I get crazy, ese. Don't you know I'm loco?
I still got a crush on B Angie B.
KZ
Are you biting off my 357 tribute?
@TS
You had a 3-5-7 tribute? Maybe I subconsciously bit. That's why I don't like reading other writers!
KZ
and the beat goes on.
wait you've got gators?!?!? In several colors?
@Honest
You know good and damn well I don't got gators!
KZ
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