I'm online trying to check out stuff to do next week on my business trip to New Orleans. I've been half-assing all day, doing crosswords and reading political articles and shit. My boss comes into my office. "Can I see you for a second?" He has a blank look on his face.
The Director is a funny dude. Unreadable in most cases. You know how it is when you've done a ton of shit wrong and you're not sure which thing it is you got caught doing? Is it all the long distance phone calls? Is it the internet time? Shit, is it the blog? I'm tensing up.
He begins. "I was just over at HR." He's speaking slowing and he pulls a sheet of paper from a manila envelope. I'm sitting there like "FUCK!!! Online log!" I'm trying to look cool.
"It seems that when you were hired, HR made a mistake." Yeah, I lied a lot on my resume. And yeah, I was convicted of getting head in a public park when I said I hadn't had a felony OR misdemeanor conviction. Which thing am I getting busted for?
"HR forgot to figure in the three years of supervisory experience you had prior to your stint at the City of Detroit when they made you an offer. The City of Satan's Anus has been underpaying you."
I laughed. "Really?" I replied. Underpaying me for blogging? Surfing? Calling my friends?
He said "You just got yourself a $4,000 raise in time for Christmas. Congratulations!"
Today I'm smiling.
The Director is a funny dude. Unreadable in most cases. You know how it is when you've done a ton of shit wrong and you're not sure which thing it is you got caught doing? Is it all the long distance phone calls? Is it the internet time? Shit, is it the blog? I'm tensing up.
He begins. "I was just over at HR." He's speaking slowing and he pulls a sheet of paper from a manila envelope. I'm sitting there like "FUCK!!! Online log!" I'm trying to look cool.
"It seems that when you were hired, HR made a mistake." Yeah, I lied a lot on my resume. And yeah, I was convicted of getting head in a public park when I said I hadn't had a felony OR misdemeanor conviction. Which thing am I getting busted for?
"HR forgot to figure in the three years of supervisory experience you had prior to your stint at the City of Detroit when they made you an offer. The City of Satan's Anus has been underpaying you."
I laughed. "Really?" I replied. Underpaying me for blogging? Surfing? Calling my friends?
He said "You just got yourself a $4,000 raise in time for Christmas. Congratulations!"
Today I'm smiling.
KZ
32 comments:
That's the best kind of news. See, you got yourself all worked up for nothing.
...you suck!
When I called you last week with the news of my raise... you hemmed and haw'd....
Hater!
Congratulations dude! Umm, New Orleans you say?
Well, aren't you just shitting out horseshoes. Have fun with your windfall.
@Nexgrl
I know. I'm a chronic worrier. I can't help it.
@Blah
I've never gotten a raise like you got. Ever.
Yeah, I'll be in N.O. next week. C'mon down if you can.
@Miz JJ
Shittin' horseshoes is painful!
It's a beautiful day.
KZ
CONGRATULATIONS! Im looking into my crystal ball and predicting some Power Shopping in your near future. Remember, I take nine and a half shoe and I luv any type of chocolate bubblebath...LOL
Wonder why the Director was looking so serious when he called you in? He was probably thinking, "I dont wanna give this Black dude a raise, but if I dont and he finds out he was due $4K extra..."
Yay!
@Chez
Unexpected loot is always the best! Chocolate bubble bath, hunh?
He's always got a serious look on his face, even when he's joking. But when you've got a guilty assed conscience, it all looks like trouble!
No sh*t?!? Retro?? Glad there's something to brighten your day. Congratulations!
@BZ
No damn retro! But hell, it's better than nothing.
KZ
can i borrow a dolla?
Well I'll be Gotdamn!
See that's how you know you're in management...getting paid for doing nothing!
Good for you!!!
Oh that's good shit!
Dude...lemme know what the NOLA is like. I'ma be there for New Years.
@L and TV
What happened to that other dollar I gave you?
@Dyna
That's the power of positive thinking.
Psych!
@SJ
I'll let you know how it's recovering.
KZ
A brother, there's this place up here in the Chi that has these beautiful...
fuck it
Can I borrow five dollars?
congrats man...i want an ipod for christmas
head in a public park?
congrats ... on the raise too.
HELL YEAH !!!
@Hassan
$5? L and TV only asked for $1.
@She-She
Ummmm....no!
@Chele
Not my proudest moment. Not by a longshot.
@OneFrom
That shit was sooo cool!
KZ
umm can i take some request from new orleans?
i'd like some down home Juju so i can be a baller like you!
Looks like your holiday season is looking up!
Mistletoe and Money who could ask for more??
I don't believe you!
That just ain't fair.
True that, luv!
I get paid to read blogs...just haven't gotten my raise yet...Congrats !!
Hahahahaha..Ummmmm Can I get ten dollars..
I'm smiling too...
Congratulations! Don't spend it all in one place...spread the wealth among your blog fans.
aww dayum...congrats!
now send me some money :)
Well, well welllll...Very nice. Congrats! Any job openings at your spot? I could handle getting paid to do what you do..*shakin head* I'm in the wrong line of work...LOL
Quick! Kiss me for luck, I need $$in my NEAR future.
Hope you have a good tr.ip
SHUT.
THE.
HELL.
UP!!!
negro claus strikes the people in hooterville (or at least the people who wish they were there)...congratulations zeddy ruxpin! :-)
@Miss Ahmad
As long as you don't want "spaghetti" fixin's, I'm cool.
@GC
It's sad, but true. I admit I'm unworthy.
@BZ
I'll just write more blogs so it feels like I'm getting retro.
@1in
Thanks!
@Slish
I need to borrow money from you to afford this Satan's Anus lifestyle.
@Nika Boo
I bet it's for a different reason...
@Honest
Imma buy me a big white fur hat, like the one Nas was wearing in the "Hate Me Now" video.
@Aqua
Send me some coochie.
@CCN
Gotdamn, Canada is beautiful!
Every opening here I'm trying frantically to fill it (hehehe). You're welcome to put your app in.
@FA
I look for reasons to complain and can't find one. Amazing.
KZ
well you are gonna be in new orleans... LOL
let me stop!
Missed this post...*ehem* if I marry you do I get half???????
@Aqua
You betta cut that out!
@RD
I was working for free, so $4000 is my total salary. You thought I was ballin'?
*stashesmoneyinswissbankaccount*
KZ
COngrats!!!!
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