Friday, August 19, 2005

You'z A Bitch

Hey folks, another interesting day in the Booniehood. My staff is buggin'. These cats really can't stand having a young, black boss. And I can't blame them!!!! I suck!!!

Episode 1
This cat came into my office a couple of days ago, I'll call him Dub C. He's pretty new like me, a 55+ year old, balding white dude and he's bitchin' about his supervisor. I helped him come to a realization about how things are going to go down with him and his boss. In other words, I laid the hammer down, baby. Instead of leaving with his head down and mumbling under his breath, this joker says to me "How come 'so and so' gives you so much to do", so and so being MY boss, "he should be doing some more of this work or else paying you more". I looked at this cat and said "Dub C, I'm very busy here, I'll talk to you later".

Folks, let me tell you something in case you don't know. THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL THAT A MIDDLE AGED WHITE MAN IS LOOKING OUT FOR MY WELL BEING!!! Especially one who is my underling. This cat tried some ol' Willie Lynch shit on a nigga, some ol' transference shit on a cat. Get my ass disgruntled and uneasy about my workload and my pay.

Episode 2
I have a staff person directly under me, his title is "Assistant whatever the hell my title is". Passive aggressive ass cat. He's in his mid-forties, white, and he's been with the organization for about 8 years. He has to prepare documents for me to sign all of the time and he neglects to put my title on the document. Or he forgets my professional designation/certification at the end of my name. Or he puts his name on the document. Or he forgets to tell me about a certain meeting that he's involved in so that he can run it instead of me. In MasterCard parlance, this muthafucka is priceless. As a matter of fact, in this blog, he'll be henceforth referred to as Priceless. Anyway, Priceless leaves my ass a document in my mailbox that has to be signed. It leaves off my professional designation. I return the muthafucka to him in his mailbox with a note: "I have held the designation/certification since 1998. The designation was extremely difficult to attain and a source of pride. Do not leave those letters off after my name on any document you produce for me from now on. Regards, Zed."

These small episodes are examples of the daily slights that I have to endure in Hicksville, USA and the reason I propose the "You'z A Bitch" Award for Outstanding Achievement in Bitch-like Behaviors. These men are my two nominees. If you have any nominees for this dubious distinction, please feel free to comment and let me know why they should receive this aluminum foil trophy in the shape of JaRule and 50 Cent arguing.


Disco said...

Wow Zed.... you really have a bug up yer' ass on this one, huh?? But I understand and as they are "testing" yo ass, you'd BETTA come out blazin cuz you have to do 2ce as much to be 1/2 as good (sad but true cliche). And you KNOOOOOW my boss gets the "life time awaard for having bitch-ass-tendencies". period. baar none. LOL

Chubby Chocolate said...

That was hilarious.

She Her Me said...

LMAO!! Ok, I know I don't know you, and yes, I know I'm reading this nearly 2 years after you wrote it, but hey! Sue me. That ish was hilarious! 50 Cent and Ja Rule arguing! haha. wow.

Anyway, I came across your blog and read the ones from this month...and it was so entertaining that it inspired me to start at the very beginning. Now THAT'S dedication for ya... well, that and extreme boredom at work. I'm rambling, and it's only my first comment! Just know that I, too, have just moved from BIG CITY (Washington, DC) to Little Lawton, OK (Bumpkin land, as I like to call it.) So I know what you're sayin! I feels ya, brotha.