Ah, the holidays. The time when I'm obligated to spend money in celebration of the origin of a religion I'm not a member of, and to do otherwise would open me to allegations of being "cheap". You know what? Fuck December.
I'm going from store to store trying to buy gifts and salespeople are relentless. When I go in a store, I generally know what I want, so I ask for it. I got salespeople who are implicitly questioning my devotion to a loved one if I don't get the "superdeluxeupgrade" edition of whatever they're selling. Muthafucka, you do realize I have to LIVE the other 364 days of the year too, right? Did rent stop being due because it's Christmastime? Do I get a reprieve from the tyranny of the cable company because it's December? These muthafuckas are out of their minds.
Then we got the Christmas Na.zis. You can't write "X-mas" cuz you leavin' the "Christ" outta "Christmas". That's some bullshit. Don't get me on one of my "symbology" rants. I'd like to leave my muthafuckin' money outta Christmas. They want you to say "Merry Christmas" instead of "Happy Holidays", pretty much as a test to make sure that you're a Christian and not a Jew or a Jihadist in disguise. Christians, you fuckin' won. It's your country. We get it. You outnumber everybody else. It's bad e-fuckin'-nuff that I'm going broke for this shit, now I gotta bow down and kiss y'all feet? Fuck y'all in the ass with a day old corn cob.
This time of the year is murder. If I could, I'd fuckin' hibernate through this shit every year.
Merry Xmas, y'all.
KZ
14 comments:
...just sayin'...you had 364 days to shop...why wait until December?
Either way, TAD and the nieces/nephews and me...that's what...2 gifts a piece...
*...starting at the feet isn't such a bad thing*
I said "starting"... but then the kissing needs to continue upward...
another...just sayin'
@BBB
This is the type of shit I'm talking about right here.
Why the fuck do I have to shop to give people gifts for some shit they celebrate and I don't? It's crazy. It's like they get 2 birthdays. I don't want shit for Xmas, nor do I ask for shit.
KZ
I don't feel an ounce of scrooge in this piece. For real. The more I rethink this shit, the more I think it's a big-fuckin-joke. E-fuckin-nuff is right. And I got kids. And my tree looks sick. And bare.
*Checking that link you left*
I came up with some genious shit while commenting at Bloop's. How 'bout Happy Holy-days. See. Fuck them politically correct bastids!
Checked out your blog a few times and me likey. I'll definitely be back. Now as far as the Christmas business is concerned the gift-grab has gotten downright ugly. Most folks have been struggling financially all year and they're still knocking themselves out trying to "do Christmas".
THIS year I'm feeling exactly like you!
Oh yea....Happy Holidaze.
*Be so glad when it's January 17th*
i bet you would feel better if you went out and did a little Christmas Caroling and then topped it off standing in front of Walmart ringing a bell!
All you need to feel better is some mistletoe and TAD.
Okay, and some egg nog with a whole lot of rum. BAH HUMBUG.
I love any excuse to shop. Cant even go shopping tonight! We got over a foot of snow in five hours! My fifteen minute reverse commute took a full hour, an eight block walk and a couple elbows to the neck of a party who did not want to clear the door of the subway as I was exiting.
Anyway, I wanted to say that, my religious Christmas is different and separate from the secular Christmas that is a National Holiday. Trees, Santas, Power Shopping and Egg Nog have nothing to do with the birth of Jesus, and I dont expect it to. Even the date/ time of year that we celebrate is actually the date of a Roman pagan ritual... Jesus wasnt even born then (I remember asking my mom when I was a kid, "So Jesus, he was a Capricorn?") LOL!
But most of all, I wanted to say, enjoy your shopping and the look on your family's faces when they open Uncle Zed's UPS box from Michigan! And stop being so grumpy, you know you like giving stuff to TAD...
:-P
so what you get TAD something she asked for or something you wanted her to have??? lol
i don't do christmas either. i haven't celebrated christmas in a long time. i have no gifts to buy :)
when i worked in retail they tried to make us say merry christmas. i still said happy holidays or nothing at all. i was at some store and the clerk went into the merry christmas rant. the dude quipped back he didn't celebrate christmas and how dare the person assume he did. you could have bought that clerk for a penny :)
i don't do christmas either. i haven't celebrated christmas in a long time. i have no gifts to buy :)
when i worked in retail they tried to make us say merry christmas. i still said happy holidays or nothing at all. i was at some store and the clerk went into the merry christmas rant. the dude quipped back he didn't celebrate christmas and how dare the person assume he did. you could have bought that clerk for a penny :)
not the day ol' corncob. LOL. You know, you really ain't gotta do nothing. I learned that from my daddy, who just happens to be a big black man. So when he say that, folks tend to listen. LOL
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