Thursday, May 15, 2008

Why The Fuck Would I Be In A Good Mood?

Since 2008 started:

Number of resumes sent: 34
Number of interviews: 2
New apartments: 1
Unpacked apartments: 0
Times bad judgment exhibited by staff: 14
Times it bit me in the ass: 3
Average number of people to ask me about the wedding, daily: 3
Most days in a row drinking alcohol: 5
Number of overwhelming assignments, concurrent: 4
Average number of sexually active days per month: 3
Average times masturbated per month: 84
Average number of days worked per month: 20
Most good days in a row: 1
Number of times I've seen an actual ass in a thong: 1
Number of times I dye my goatee in a month: 4
Average number of headaches per week: 4
Weekly nacho intake, one pound bags: 2
Number of dress shirts: 27
Number of blue jeans: 2

Be Cool,


Blah Blah Blah said...

Tell TAD she needs to step that shit up.

I did my first striptease sans clothes for the first time on Sunday night.
Hige fishnets with 5 inch hooker shoes and a bra...he tore them off...
...but I actually had to instruct him...
sad sad sad

The Second Sixty-Eight said...

"Average number of sexually active days per month: 3
Average times masturbated per month: 84"

That is the most telling statistic of all. TAD do need to step that shit up.

chele said...

Most days in a row drinking alcohol: 5

Increase this number and nothing else will matter.

Have a good weekend.

A.u.n.t. Jackie said...

i agree with Chele. She's got good advice man...she really does!

onefromphilly said...

Here's the bright side:
If your were Burmese or Chineese chances are you would be crushed to death or drowned about now.

Cut down on the masterbation it's making you crazy. Take that drive to the D every weekend and get some real sex, it will give you something to look forward to all week.

Knockout Zed said...

Gas Prices. Plus, I'm visual. I'd like to see an ass in some thongs, please.


proacTiff said...

man it's been a long year, er, five months huh? Number of days you exercise: ? This may give you an additional release increasing the number to 85. . .

Knockout Zed said...

You got a point. I gotta fuck then workout.