Tuesday, October 07, 2008

The Age Of Nefarious

I spent my Saturday in East Lansing, at homecoming. Tailgating and shit. Drinking free brew with the Black Alumni Association. I was with a couple of my groomsmen and shit, plus a bunch of other people I could give a fuck less about. There is a direct correlation, at least in my feeble brain, between how obnoxious muthafuckas were as undergrads to how much money they make right now. The more obnoxious, the more paid they seem to be. And the thing is they're STILL obnoxious!!! It might be worse! Man, fuck these people!

I spent a lot of time talking to my friend, Jesus. I'm not being metaphorical, muthafuckas. I have a friend, from undergrad, who's given name is Jesus. Not Hay-Soose, Jesus. This always made people uncomfortable. Nobody ever wanted to say his name. They'd call him J.C. and shit (yes, those are his actual initials), but not me. I wasn't religious anyway, and his name was his name, so fuck it, I'mma call you Jesus.

Anyway, after listening to women who I don't give a fuck about bitchin' because I'm getting married AGAIN and I didn't look their way, I was reminiscing with Jesus. Sure enough, every chick I know came past with some variation on "Well look at this, Jesus and Satan!" "Hey, everybody, it's Jesus and Lucifer!" Hilarious! Sidesplitting! Eh. They irritated me so much, it made me walk away from my friend. Forgive me Jesus.

Afterwards, me and Hutty, my best man, and his wife and her friends left campus and went to eat. Hutty was one of those obnoxious undergrads I was talking about. He's still obnoxious and makes boatloads of fucking money, hand over gotdamn fist. I watched that African belittle and embarass his wife in front of her friends for at least two good hours at this BBQ joint. It was an amazing display of assholery, completely fearless. And at the end of the night, she was still like she's always been, in love with his pockets. And THAT'S what the fuck money can do for you, gentlemen.

Be Cool,


Miz JJ said...

Hutty sounds like a real prize. Thank God I make my own money.

Lol @ your friend Jesus. That takes some hutzpah to name your son Jesus.

Knockout Zed said...

I'm sure you make a great living, but this muthafucka is STOOPID PAID. You might have an attitude adjustment!!!

Jesus used to make muthafuckas uncomfortable. Shit used to make me laugh. His mother is just an old country assed woman who loves the Lord. LOL


Blah Blah Blah said...

Coming from you...Forgive me Jesus is hilarious!

...and you say this is your "best" man??? Interesting.
Ummm, is 3 gonna be there?
Shits all bad...if I could, I would. 'Cause you know I loves you in love.

...i'm out!

Knockout Zed said...

Me and Three made a pact a looooonnnngggg time ago: you don't put me in your wedding, I won't put you in mine. Wedding shit is a hassle. It's for the birds. If he shows, he'll be in the audience.

You gotta call me!!!


chele said...

Interesting ... money buys you the right to be a dickhead toward the one person who can legally walk away with (at least) half of it. Not to mention the secret stash that he knows nothing about.

ChezNiki said...

See all of my Jesuses back home were "hay-sooses" so this story was kinda funny.

Hutty is your best man, hun? TAD is probably looking at you sideways talking about "I wish you would!"

Dont be fooled though. There are some women out there who stay and take abuse from piss poor, ugly brothers with little d*cks. Hope Mrs Hutty takes Chele's advice and hires a good lawyer.

Anyway, sounds like you had a mini-bachelor party at your reunion. No strippers at the mansion, 'kay?

Monie said...

This post probably wasn't meant to be as hilarious as I found it to be. Seriously rolling over here...

nikki said...

evidently the price for a 'free ride' is one's pride.