I spent my Saturday in East Lansing, at homecoming. Tailgating and shit. Drinking free brew with the Black Alumni Association. I was with a couple of my groomsmen and shit, plus a bunch of other people I could give a fuck less about. There is a direct correlation, at least in my feeble brain, between how obnoxious muthafuckas were as undergrads to how much money they make right now. The more obnoxious, the more paid they seem to be. And the thing is they're STILL obnoxious!!! It might be worse! Man, fuck these people!
I spent a lot of time talking to my friend, Jesus. I'm not being metaphorical, muthafuckas. I have a friend, from undergrad, who's given name is Jesus. Not Hay-Soose, Jesus. This always made people uncomfortable. Nobody ever wanted to say his name. They'd call him J.C. and shit (yes, those are his actual initials), but not me. I wasn't religious anyway, and his name was his name, so fuck it, I'mma call you Jesus.
Anyway, after listening to women who I don't give a fuck about bitchin' because I'm getting married AGAIN and I didn't look their way, I was reminiscing with Jesus. Sure enough, every chick I know came past with some variation on "Well look at this, Jesus and Satan!" "Hey, everybody, it's Jesus and Lucifer!" Hilarious! Sidesplitting! Eh. They irritated me so much, it made me walk away from my friend. Forgive me Jesus.
Afterwards, me and Hutty, my best man, and his wife and her friends left campus and went to eat. Hutty was one of those obnoxious undergrads I was talking about. He's still obnoxious and makes boatloads of fucking money, hand over gotdamn fist. I watched that African belittle and embarass his wife in front of her friends for at least two good hours at this BBQ joint. It was an amazing display of assholery, completely fearless. And at the end of the night, she was still like she's always been, in love with his pockets. And THAT'S what the fuck money can do for you, gentlemen.