More Pet Piss

Maybe it's the location that sets me off...

but I stay pissed (remember, I get pissed not peeved) and this fucking blog is my only outlet. It's boring here and everything is magnified. On Saturday I turn 35 and if I have kids I'll be a senior citizen when I'm able to kick it with them on an adult level. So in no particular order, here's a grouchy old man venting about shit I can't stand:

Katherine Zednanreh

Kat, please give up my last name before you have a baby out of wedlock. People will believe that's my baby. We know that's not true, physically impossible. Give me my name back. And that ring I bought. I'll give you back the video tape I made.

Misplaced Latin Pride

My grandparents came from Cuba. My father's people. My (real) last name is of Spanish origin. I'm a nigga, plain and simple. Born and raised in Detroit amongst my people. I have no sense of unity with "Latinos". My father is even less down with "La Raza". The Latinos I know think I'm denying my heritage. Bullshit. Why should the descendants of slaves and indigeneous people take pride in speaking Spanish or having a Spanish surname? Them niggas conquered our people. That's the equivalent of a nigga taking extra pride in how big his slave master's house was. That shit is sad. Be proud of the shared experiences and the cultural outgrowth of the oppression. Everything else from Spain I could piss on. Most "white" and mestizo latins fucking hate black latins, anyway.

Batshit
Hey, insane hoe, cut it out! You run down a list of shit you hate about me and then you beg (yes, beg) me to be your man. What the fuck is that? Your birthday was December 2nd. I didn't get you anything. No present. No card. Is that a hint? What the fuck do you think? "I'm fucking you until I find someone better." Am I speaking in codes? Leading you on? Maybe.

Misplaced Entitlement
Say nigga, if you don't mow your grass or pick trash up off the street you live on, why the fuck should you expect the city to? That's your property, right? Oh, you're just a renter. Well then, that excuses you from all the responsibilities of being a citizen respectful of your neighbors. It's cool to have that car up on blocks in your front yard for 2 or 3 years. What? You've lived in this house for 20 years and the roof leaks? What is the city going to do about it? Are you serious? You are. OK...ummm. Fuck you, hows about that? We don't owe you shit but police protection, water and schools, you fucking dickhead!

The Detroit Lions
Ehhh!

Birthday Celebrations

A few years ago a woman asked me what she should do for her man's birthday. I asked her "Do you love him?". She said yes. I said "Give him a hundred dollars in singles and let him go out with his boys. Tell him he is not allowed home before sunrise the next day." That chick went ballistic. I asked her what she was planning. She said she was going to take him to this expensive italian restaurant and then out dancing. "Does he like Italian?" She got offended again, "I like the place. He'll find something he likes there." "Is he a dancer?" "Not really, but we haven't been dancing in a long time." If you're serious about doing something for someone, be serious. If it's for you, wait til your birthday. Asshole.

"Bright Side" Fuckheads
"It could always be worse." Or it could be better. I could be reading your obituary.


All in all, things really are going pretty well in my life. Except the lack of vaginal variety. And the snow. And my upcoming birthday. And my dumb assed staff. Other than that, shit is just peachy.

Cocked and Loaded,
KZ