Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Atrophy

When I graduated from college, I thought it would never end. I ran with a pack of the coolest cats possible and we were at the top of our games. We had a group of women we were loosely affiliated with too. I loved how we came together and created this wall, this aura around us. Like a high school cafeteria, wherever I sat at the club or the restaurant was the cool table, with the popular kids. That was my post college life. It lasted for about six good years.

Of the dudes from that era, I only talk to one on a regular basis, Three. One of my boys called me yesterday and I ignored the call. I don't have a phone number for two of my boys, I just know they live out of state. One of my boys is a Detroit cop, the type of African that loves army games and uniform shit. He's lost his rabid assed mind. One of my boys is under "suspect" watch. Another one is religious fanatic. One of 'em is a right-wing Repu.blican who tacitly hates black people.

The chicks found dudes and they dropped off the radar, though most of them I'm sure I could reach if I really wanted to. I just can't get too comfortable calling chicks with dudes, out of respect for the dude, even though nothing's ever jumped off. It's just the way it is, so we don't talk for the most part.

I've been shitted on my "friends" for no good reason and I've never lost sight of the one thing I thought that mattered. We love each other. We say things to each other that no one else can say to us. I always valued that and stayed loyal to that ideal.

Now I wonder what all the fucking fuss is about. People come and people go. You don't have to accept shitty, selfish behavior. Or maybe I've just forgotten what friendship is supposed to be like. You know what happens when you don't exercise a muscle in a long time. It grows weak and flabby. That's what's happened to my "friendship muscle". It's not worth the fucking effort. I'm tired. I'm fucking tired.

Peace,
KZ

12 comments:

Sheletha said...

i get it...i don't like them mfs either.

onefromphilly said...

Well..good friends, real friends stand the test of time and distance. I hope when you're ready to exercise your "muscles" again, you find some of those friends still standing.

Kim said...

Real friends will always be there, but you don't accept shitty selfish behavior, you love your friends anyway and tell them about their shitty selfish ways. Like you stated friends say and do things to each other no one else can say or do.

A.u.n.t. Jackie said...

my dad always said that if you have three friends in the world you're doing better than the most people...

i honestly think that's why people decide to become couples and then families...sounds tangental but in all honesty friends come and go because people come and go, no love lost but just realistically things change.

if you don't want no friends you better keep your woman!

Little Brown Girl said...

*hmpf* you tell um Zeddie!!

Seriously I can relate...either I fuks with you or I don't and if I don't then there is little anyone can do to change that. That's why my circle is small...too much bullshyt and drama when you got more then a few. Value what you have cause apparently thats alls ya need!

1969 said...

I count my circle of real friends on one hand.

Associates are cool but true friends are the best.

I hear you on cutting the ties. It Bee's like dat sometimes. Everyone is not worthy of the effort.

The Brown Blogger said...

I can't count no more. It's just me, and I like that shit.

I think...

DivineLavender said...

People are selfish....even in your friendships you serve some purpose for them....Its fucked.


I don't know who my friends are, if I ever had any....and if the "friendship" were worth two quarters and a squirrel's fart?


Probably not.

Miz JJ said...

I just wrote a post about something similar. Time to flex and get out there again.

CapCity said...

i like aunt jackie's take & her dad's view too. friends in my life have been cyclical and it's no big deal to me...it just IZ what it IZ...and I thank The Creator for all of the wonderful spirits who have crossed my path in this lifetime.

nice intro. to your spot thanx to sheletha:-)

Sheletha said...

don't yell at me zed.

EqualOpportunityCrush said...

muscle can be built up again.. no worries. you're taking a gym break right now.. when you're good an dready, you can be a gym rat and start flexing