365 days ago I was infected with a seemingly incurable virus. Robyn was the carrier. This virus makes one crave instant feedback on shit you write. It makes you befriend people you might have never talked to in "real" life. It makes you reveal parts of yourself to people you don't know and tell them things you've only told to the people closest to you.
I told friends of mine about this virus. Some of them were infected, most of them weren't. And they did nothing but watch the symptoms, pitying me the whole time. They didn't even start a fundraising campaign to find a cure.
The first signs that this thing was going to be a huge part of my life was the obsession with finding the perfect nickname. The rejects:
I told friends of mine about this virus. Some of them were infected, most of them weren't. And they did nothing but watch the symptoms, pitying me the whole time. They didn't even start a fundraising campaign to find a cure.
The first signs that this thing was going to be a huge part of my life was the obsession with finding the perfect nickname. The rejects:
- Seymour Twats
- Scooby Screw
- Sam Cocke
- Neck Cannon
- Bill Clit-on
- Elliot (OK, some of 'em weren't that clever)
The best kept secret about Blogger is that this fucking thing is full of some of the most intelligent, funny, prolific, talented, perverted, crazy, structually deficient, and functionally obsolete muthafuckas ever assembled. I appreciate y'all reading the goofy shit I write. Who the hell else would want to hear about the insecure ass rantings of a semi literate jackass? This blog was actually supposed to be frank talk about my feelings as I was plowing through every broad in this jerkwater 'burg. Except the women didn't hold up their end of the bargain.
I thought about writing about the past, but that concept felt pretty lame. I could write a fuckin' book on the stupid shit I've done or been a party to. I needed to stay in the present. I think I've done a pretty good job of documenting this past year. I've glossed over plenty of good fucking stories. Shit such as:
- The pregnancy scare last summer
- My (ex) homeboy that came out of the closet
- The dropped opportunity for a 3-some with Carmel and her girl Punkin
- More Batshit stories than you could ever imagine
I'll keep moving forward, even as you get bored of the shit I write about and I get bored writing this shit.
Thanks for reading,
KZ
51 comments:
FIRST!!!
Early bird gets the worm!!
Nice pic! Love the pics in back!!
Cause, "She's gotta Have IT!"
I am so glad I stumbled upon your blog some months ago...you are one of my first reads and you always give me something to make me think, reflect or smile. Thanks for just being you...You are one cool African...I'on care what no one says. *snicker*
Definitely keep moving forward... Yours was a blog I read on a regular basis before I started my own. I have even incorporated African into my vocabulary (replacing the "N" word)that was the funniest shit that I have ever read...because you were right about people getting offended more about being called an African as opposed to being called the "N" word. Anyway...you definitely have a talent for this.. Keep it up man..we have to know what black folks do in Satan's Anus.
@Nsane
That's up to set the tone IMMEDIATELY!!! Ladies, y'all betta know what time it is!
@Newy
What other people be sayin'? You know they be lyin', right?
Thanks, mama.
@1 in
Just hearing stuff like that is some cool shit, seriously. Thanks for coming through. I'll try to keep it worthwhile.
KZ
@Nsane, again
How did I let that "worm" reference slip by me? You nasty!
BTW, this pic is the result of me finally learning to use the timer my digital camera.
KZ
dude, i'm not even sure how i found your blog all those months ago but i'm damn glad i did. you make me laugh and i'm in love with your wit. thanks so much for sharing a piece of yourself with us.
Congrats on the one year anniversary. After I got over the whole I dont read men's blog thing, I found that you have one of the most entertaining ones out there. Good stuff, homey!!!
BTW why I ain't know you one sexy African...*blush*
I was about to say....*lol*
I used to lurk for the longest time before I ever said a word. Don't ask why. You make me laugh, you make me blush and you make me think. Think you can make me ... oh nevermind. I'm glad you're here wit yo big fine self.
@CG
You know I'm probably gonna need to drink as soon as I get off the plane, right? But I'm willing to wait until you get off work.
@Nikki
You are one of those writers that makes an African want to up his game. The sheer intelligence of the stuff you write makes my shit feel frivolous. Everytime I get to your page and I'm always 3 posts behind!!!
@T. Cas
We are both beneficiaries of Nikki ripping us Blog Dudes a new one. You were right about how hard it is to find a "real" cat online with so many fuckin' closet cases on this thing. It's good to be able to read a brother with a similar mindset and similar musical tastes!
@Newy
Sexy? Me? Really? I think somebody needs a plane ticket!
@Nsane
I musta been groggy when I first read it!
KZ
@Chele
I think y'all tryin' to make me go broke offering to buy plane tickets. You know I think you're damn hot too. Every time I read your blog you make me feel guilty and I think I oughta be a better man. I feel responsible to do better because that's what a woman like you EXPECTS. That's saying something.
Thank you.
KZ
Congrats on the one year mark. I had a different idea of what my blog would be more of a tell all but I'm not so anonymous so I gave up on that idea.
Happy Anniversary! I was also lurking for a while before I commented. I enjoy dropping in on you everyday, it's always worth the read. I'll actually get to meet a few of y'all bloggers on Saturday. Can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@Honest
This chick is getting sued right now in DC for her tell all blog. You made the right decision!!!
@Onefrom
I'm glad you'll be there. I hope this is the first in a long line of annual Black Blogger meet ups. I hope we don't all die of heat exhaustion!
@Mack
Don't give up on the blog. Just do it as much or as little as you can. I know everybody presses you for content, but we're all pretty bored. We need something to read. Every blogger is a nerd. Every one of us.
You didn't mention her which is amazing, but I'll tell you the story anyway. Man, Carmel wanted to teach her girl how to give head. She wanted to use me. I said some shit like "You can only use me if you let her practice on me too." Her and her girl looked at each other smiling and said "O.K." I laughed it off and changed the subject. Yeah, I chickened out.
KZ
So when's training class?...*lol*
Happy Blog-o-versary Dude.
Interesting.
You know you gotta keep writing to keep us happy.
happy anniversary!
my parent's anniversary is also on 8/02. uhhh, they're divorced now, so..uhh nevermind
you sure you ain't redboned?
happy anniversary zed!
you're one of my favorites bloggers hands down. why? because of your honesty with everything in your life. i respect that :) how did you find me anyway?
MWAH** from the lips of paradise...
Happy Anniversary My Dear!!!
Hey, I think we're all slightly narcissistic (some maybe more then others)...*shrug*
Your my first read (when I'm not pissed off at you) and my periodic check back throughout the day. You've become my Blogger Baby...even despite the fact that I'm not your only one (YOU PIMP). You make me laugh when I don't fukin feel like it and you give me things to ponder when I really just wanna act like a complete ditz.
Thanks for the pieces that you share so freely...we are all blessed to be able to experience even this small part of you!!
damn I got so side tracked by the fact that you could perhaps father a red headed child or two that i completely forgot to wish you a happy blogaversary or whatever you call it.
you have quickly become one of my favorite reads. i admire your committment to blogging and it's nice to explore the brain of a man thru his musings!
you got any red heads in your family?
@Nsane
Shit, I wish it was tonight!
@Blah
You are silly as fuck.
@Phoenix
Let's keep each other happy.
*grabsbabyoil*
@L and TV
Aug. 2 might be hexed.
@Miss Ahmad
Look at how dark I am. I put that pic up, pixelated face and all, just so YOU could see I'm not red.
@Aqua
Thanks for the props, Lips. I'm not sure how I found you. I think it was through Nikki's page. In any case, I'm glad I found you. Especially those yoga pics!
@RD
The first time I ever laid eyes on you, it made me wanna play the "What flavor is this?" game. Then I read ya and found out you had brains, too. That's when I knew I'd found my sweet little Bloggette. Even though all my subsequent marriage proposals have fallen on deaf ears, I'll keep trying.
KZ
@Miss Ahmad
I read you and those celebrity critiques daily. I can't read the other blog because you'll be talking about boys and I don't wanna hear it.
OK, time to come clean.
My mother, her two sisters, two of my nephews, and countless cousins have red hair.
So, technically, yes, I guess I could genetically produce a red headed kid. Happy?
HEY. I collect 90s Black movie posters and frame them to! I had all of them, but I ripped my Straight out of Brooklyn during my move.
I'm waiting for the day when you ask me seriously LOL!!
I wonder what flava I would of been had we played *shrug*
I love your blog. If I knew how to put a blog role in the margin of my blog you would surely be in the top 3.
One question: Did your friend become your Ex-friend before or after he came out of the closet? If after, did his coming out play a part in the downfall of your friendship?
would it be icky if i asked you for some sperm? it's been my life long dream to give birth to a red head, and it sounds like you got more red heads in your family than mine..
i got some cousins, a brother, a grandfather, and some more cousins, but no parents or siblings...
they say red heads have special powers...
umm i think you dissed my blogging though, so i'm taking my compliments back!
WTF? 32 hits? You all famous n sh*t. Happy Anniversary, BTW! I'm a relative newcomer to the babeemunkee show. I gotta say I love it. And, I plan to keep tuning in.
LoL @ Ahmad for using...icky!
He's not dark....he's brownish...damn near my color. He likes to claim he's got sooo much color...but in person...umm, he needs a tan.
So the possibilities of a redbone with red headed babies is very plausible.
@ BBB thank you for your help, he's over here trying to act like I'm all color blind and what not...i thought i saw some red!
LOL He needs a tan in person:-)
Happy Anniversary!!!
I found your blog through someone I don't even read anymore... BITCH...
Anyway, shows you how much "staying power" you have! hahahaha!
Is THAT the couch? I like :)
@CC
My next one with be for "City Of God". I love that friggin' poster!
Great minds, mama!
@RD
I'm thinking some ol' Cold Stone Creamery shit. A caramel/strawberry concoction.
@Dyna
Thank you. I appreciate the complement coming from the subject of many of "Righthander" sessions.
Since he came out, I can't bring myself to be around him. I wanted to be the type of cat that could support his boy no matter what, but it makes me feel queasy thinking about it. I'm not a homophobe, but this was MY BOY. This cat lied to me for years. I don't even know him.
@Miss Ahmad
My powers only stem from the "gotdamn that big African is flexible" school.
Didn't nobody diss your bloggin', woman!
@BZ
As an anniversary gift, I'm trying to get a picture of the thongswallower.
Thanks, mama.
@Blah
You know I'm 28 shades darker than you!!! When we met you called me lightskinned. I'll never forgive for that! I'm the darkest cat I know.
@Miss Ahmad
Will you look at that pic of my Black ass again? I'm dark chocolate!
@SD
Thanks, baby.
That is indeed the couch. I'm trying to get used to sitting on it. Maybe you should get used to it, too. *wink*
KZ
@All y'all
Did I just miss an opportunity to capitalize on Miss Ahmad asking me for sperm?
@Miss Ahmad
I only make deliveries to the "place of business". No carryout!
KZ
yep you missed it...with your nasty ass!
but i thought you didn't like to fly?
Lurker coming out of the woodworks. I think the photo did it to me. Ha! Very, very nice indeed.
I enjoy your writing...articulate and funny as hell. Keep it up!
WOW...so you actually listen to the shyt I say Unless you were just guessing). Truly a man after my own heart. I'ma banana carmel crunch with strawberries...but what you said was close enough.
Oh and when we get married NO Smoking in the house LOL!!
I had to go back and check. Im coming up on one year too (August 11th). My blog is all Pops' fault. I tell really long stories...he probably thought people would be less bored if I wrote them...it has been good to commiserate with another unhappy transplant.
Happy Anniversary!
Yeah, and after seeing the Yahoo, My Space and Blogger pics...um, you Red Bone-Ded, Brother...more caramel than chocolate. No matter, caramel and chocolate go well together with nuts...and micro-fiber!
;-P
Clever Nik.
Zed-dude:
"I may be fat but my dick is huge"
Please Oh Please tell me you don't wear that t-shirt outside your house.
Interesting
You've been quite an amusing read. Who knew all this was possible in The 'Zoo? Congrats on year 1. Besos y abrazos :)
@Aqua
I must be getting old. I keep missing prime opportunities to say something freaky.
@Miss Ahmad
You'd be flying to me!!!
@Mariposa
What about Elliott?
Ryde or die my ass! (Or yours. Preferrably yours.)
@Single Ma
That's my favorite kind of Ma! Thanks for dropping by. I'm glad you liked the pic. What about the shirt?
@RD
Oh how I would love to take credit for listening, but alas, it was a lucky guess.
If I didn't smoke how would I satisfy my oral fixation?
@Chez
Y'all know I'm chocolate! I'm tellin' you I'm the darkest cat I know.
You nasty!
@Blah
I can't wear that shirt in Satan's Anus, but I wore it everywhere in Detroit. "What do you mean you dick is huge?" By the time you get a chance to disagree (unlikely), we're already nekkid!
@SJ
You know you can't keep speaking Spanish to me. We'll be rollin' around on the floor in a minute.
KZ
I saw the shirt but I was trying to be good and keep my thoughts to myself.
*thinking* I don't think the size matters if too much fat is blocking access.
...you asked. LOL
damn how did i miss the shirt?
i must have been overwhelmed by the chocolate thunda wearing it!
your blog cracks me the hell up! i love coming here! congratulations on your first year! by the way, what's my supercool nickname? or am i like those girls with the bad acne and puffy bangs that always had tissue scraps in them from the paper around their rollers?
@Single Ma
I think you might be underestimating me.
@Miss Ahmad
Sometimes my complexion is so dark, it's blinding, so I understand.
@FA
Naw! Sometimes my little "clever" thang don't be workin'. So for now, you're just "FA". I'll think of something.
KZ
Pass the smoke, African
Z I hate to tell you...you ain't dark brotha. BUT I can identify with you. Folk can't seem to see my DARK CHOCOLATE side either. I think they are color blind! Love the post, thanking Sangin' Diva for the hook up. "And she told two friends, and they told two friends..."
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