So let me flash back for a minute. I was at the MS.U/E.MU/U.M Bla.ck Alumni Picnic a week or so ago and my boy Hutty's phone kept vibrating. "Damn woman!"
"What's up?" "My wife. She keeps calling me. I never call her when she goes out with her friends, but she blows me up every five minutes when I'm gone. And she doesn't want a damn thing."
The shit I told him came from experience. It was simple. He probably doesn't call her over petty bullshit when she's out because he'd like her to treat him the same way. But it's not working. She has created her own rules of etiquette. She'll call him and ask "Honey, what's the name of that actor who plays on that show?" or "What brand of salt is that little girl on the label of?" just to irritate him. I just said "You gotta respect your wife. You can't stop what's been started. She'll do it 'til the day you die. You need to start calling her when she's out, getting some of your trivia answered, too." It sounds petty and childish, but maybe that's the way we have to communicate to each other. Nobody understands "Please don't do that to me." They know what they don't like, even if they do it to you.
What's my point in talking about this? It's that we get caught in this cycle of irritate and pacify when we get in relationships. Ill behavior to get somebody out of their comfort zone and sacrificing of ourselves to make someone else's life easier. Gamesmanship. I'm seeking the equivalent of an ultra-pacified home life. Two people seeking to make the other person's life easier.
It's hard to find, that holy grail of Two Muthafuckas Getting Along. We all stay mired in the minor shit. I just wanna find the most minor minor shit.
"What's up?" "My wife. She keeps calling me. I never call her when she goes out with her friends, but she blows me up every five minutes when I'm gone. And she doesn't want a damn thing."
The shit I told him came from experience. It was simple. He probably doesn't call her over petty bullshit when she's out because he'd like her to treat him the same way. But it's not working. She has created her own rules of etiquette. She'll call him and ask "Honey, what's the name of that actor who plays on that show?" or "What brand of salt is that little girl on the label of?" just to irritate him. I just said "You gotta respect your wife. You can't stop what's been started. She'll do it 'til the day you die. You need to start calling her when she's out, getting some of your trivia answered, too." It sounds petty and childish, but maybe that's the way we have to communicate to each other. Nobody understands "Please don't do that to me." They know what they don't like, even if they do it to you.
What's my point in talking about this? It's that we get caught in this cycle of irritate and pacify when we get in relationships. Ill behavior to get somebody out of their comfort zone and sacrificing of ourselves to make someone else's life easier. Gamesmanship. I'm seeking the equivalent of an ultra-pacified home life. Two people seeking to make the other person's life easier.
It's hard to find, that holy grail of Two Muthafuckas Getting Along. We all stay mired in the minor shit. I just wanna find the most minor minor shit.
Peace,
KZ
8 comments:
You are absolutely dead on with this one Zed.
hummm sounds nice, two people who get along. yup order me one of those relationships please...
Zed, you are so right sometimes you can't understand shit until it is done to you.
that shit would drive me crazy. i can't agree with you more zed.
Guilty of doing the same thing
WHAT UP!!! See you still manage to come up with something to blog about on a daily basis..Don't know how you keep it up!
relationship...merationship!
See, this is where I am bad at beingsomeone's "girlfriend"
...'cause I think I'd be too quick to say... "Stop calling me with this miscellaneous bullshit when I am out!"
Needy, insecure people sorta throw off my groove...
...I'm glad I come over here so I can learn how a good realtionship-haver should act. :-)
Sounds like there are some issues with insecurity. Why do we have to give in to what makes us uncomfortable, your boy should just tell his wife that her calling makes him uncomfortable!
What happens when he just doesn't answer the phone???
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