Tuesday, July 15, 2008

The Respect Of A Lie

I've been talking a lot to my boy, Three, out in LA and I've been able to get a lot of shit off my chest. It's probably why I've been blogging less. Shit that I can't air out because of my audience I'm able to tell him and get instant feedback. It's a beautiful thing. Good ol' fashioned communication.

The one thing we talked about for a long time is the concept of respect and the different ways we demonstrate it, or lack of it, to others. Most women realize the concept of the respect of a lie. I think appreciation of the concept comes with age. They also realize when to use it themselves.

If you used to date a dude with goo-gobs of money, extremely handsome, smart, kind, fun, etc., that's cool. We get it. But if everytime you bring him up you talk about how fun, handsome and paid he was, I'mma take umbrage to that shit. I'mma say go back to that muthafucka if he'll take you. Because you sound like you settlin' for me. And what the fuck do I want with a loser that can't keep a man she REALLY likes?

For instance, I used to date many, many women that were beautiful, extremely fit, sexy and eager to fuck. But I don't talk about it (person to person at least) unless prompted. And even then I'll temper my response.

Here's where the respect of a lie comes in. The times we had will always be clarified as "a-ight" or "straight", perhaps even "cool". But they won't be "oh my god we had sooooo much fun, she was the best!!!" I respect you enough to lie.

I extend that respect to when I'm being bored to death by the one-hundredth telling of the story about the one time your Uncle Skeet bought a 10-cent pickle for 5-cents. I extend it to when you talk about shoes, hats, fancy soap, Oprah, Tyler Perry or Grey's Anatomy. You extend it me when I talk about Iron Man, the NFL, barber shop talk, my boys, or The Wire.

Conceptually, it's very simple. It's much harder in practice. But make no mistake, it is respect.



Mr.Slish said...

I feel you completely! Lie to my ass!

I don't want to know that you have a video tape of you and your EX Fucking somehwhere in the apt we both live in...I've looked EVERYWHERE and I still can't find it!!!! lol...

Anonymous said...

I feel you...Somehow I think that people in general want to let you know (without even realizing we are doing it) that we had someone deemed "a catch" and therefore we are "a catch" yeah...who wants to be with a loser...somehow I don't think it computes like that..great post. I was just blogging about you on Friday.

Nexgrl said...

I for one, don't bring up a past relationship unless I am asked. I try to keep the information on a need to know basis. On the other hand, I don't ask about other women either, unless there's something I need to know.

Disco said...

I am 195% with you as well...LIE.TO.ME or just don't say SHIT...keep it to ya'self!!! I soooo don't wanna know how "fione" some waynch was that you you used to bone non-stop and who wanted it 6 times a day.....well, guess what? I'm not that HO#!!! LOL

But seriously, I think that it takes time to learn this skill (it really is a skill...lol). I, for one, WIIIIISH that the things I opened up MY trap about to my husband 5-6 YEARS ago would have gotten stuck or oculd be erased from that negro's memory! But I lived and learned :-)

chele said...

I thought "ex" talk was off-limits with your current. That way, unless you count omission, there is no need to lie. Just keep your mouth shut.

Knockout Zed said...

Yeah, TMI my man. I'd never wanna know that. If you find it, don't watch it.

I see. Love will catch your ass from behind and lift you up by the ears. Don't play!

I never talk about that shit unless asked. I don't say names, and don't talk about places I've been, or shit I've done unless asked explicitly. It's courtesy. Omission and/or lying is respect in a lot of cases.

I guess it is a learned skill set. But damn, I hate the learning curve.

EXACTLY!!! I knew you'd know!


Anonymous said...

In the words of Bill Clinton, "Don't tell and Don't ask."

Blah Blah Blah said...

i've always been accused of not telling enough...I have a way of juts.not.talking. I will literally ignore you.

Dude is nosy. He asks me things I would rather not talk about...my motto has always been, don't talk about a man to another man...he won't abide by my motto. He asks me everything. And I am a horrible liar. If I was good at lying...I'd respect it more.

So we find ourselves having more information than we really want...but in this instance, I think it's better that I know his shit...sneaky muthafucka that he is.

Anonymous said...

DAMM..That's really all I can say.

A.u.n.t. Jackie said...

oh wow you're calling people in LA huh?

Must be nice!

Well um...I can't argue with any thing you've said here.

onefromphilly said...

I agree!

I won't lie ON a an EX, but I dayum sure ain't telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth either! HA!

The Second Sixty-Eight said...

I so feel you on that one.

It is called common decency and mutual respect. Some folk don't even know what this stuff is about!

Bananas said...


Naw, I could give a rat's ass. Go ahead, tell me how the last guy turned you out. Then I can bend your ass over the couch and show you what life is really all about.

After all, if the motha fucker was so great, how come you ain't still over there?

Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't…but either way, it won't be because I lacked effort, motivation and "respect".

But that's just me.

Anonymous said...

And let the church say AMEN!

aquababie said...

what you did before i got with you is your business...same goes for me. all i need to know is that you don't have that package and we're cool!

proacTiff said...

can i email this to the grown man living in my home? i don't think he's ever heard tale of the "Respect of a lie." maybe he's a math man and will relate to the 80/20. or if that's taken due to tyler perry's use of it (of which i'm not trying to sidebar-bore-you-for-the-hundreth-time) we can easily give it another percentage. because out of respect i can only offer you a great portion of the truth. "enough is enough" (of the truth) now let's move the fuck on (i'm always thinking)...