Cocoonville

Something's off. I can't put my finger on it, but it is. I feel like retreating from the world entirely. Disconnecting cable, ditching DSL, stomping out my celly, the whole nine. I'm overstimulated. I can't stand the outside world. At TAD's crib, she doesn't have internet or cable, and whenever I leave there and come home, I feel remarkably refreshed. On top of that I can turn off my phone and not feel like I'm missing anything. I know all this is specious reasoning. I obviously feel better because I'm spending time with my wife. But seriously, when I come back to Satan's Anus, I'm inundated with THE WORLD. News, important and unimportant, phone calls, emails, Facebook, and other bullshit overwhelm me. That urgency seeps back into my life, even though none of it is really urgent at all. I don't miss my favorite TV program until I'm reminded that I missed it. Fuck the 3,000 th forward from my Uncle Louie on the N.U.D. certain companies employ. I'm perfectly OK missing out. I didn't used to be, but now, I think I can take it.

Will I be perceived as a freak if I retreat from the world? Nobody would even know about the cable thing. The internet thing would be the hardest, but I could easily make that up at work. And if I only answered TAD and my mother's calls, I don't think I'd be missed. It might be worth a trial run.

Peace,
KZ

Rose Colored Contacts

Hey peoples, what's good? I'm typin' like a muthafucka on this bad hand, trying my best to go forward and live life like I give a fuck.

I'm exhausted. I'm really tired of working. I'm not working hard or anything like that. I'm just tired of the construct. Getting dressed, driving in, sitting in meetings, following up on bullshit and leaving with a briefcase full of fairy dust and dreams.

I don't wanna hear about muthafuckas loving their jobs. If you work for somebody else and you love your job, here's a nice, fat cock for you to suck on. For real.

My support system is garbage too. It consists of my mother calling me and asking me how I'm coping. I got so many self-centered assed people around me, it's pathetic.

Muthafuckas calling me to talk about what they need from me, or to talk about their needs. I'm like "Fuck you. I'm doped up and sitting at home. What about my needs?"

I think everybody's support system has to be better than mine. Or they just think it is. I think most people are just one kingsized crisis away from separating the wheat from the chaff, from finding out who's real and who's along for the ride.

Yeah, I'm irritated as fuck.

KZ

Beauty vs. The Blind

Talking about a recent liaison in the movie Broadcast News
Albert Brooks: "He must have been really good looking."
Holly Hunter: "Why do you say that?"
Albert Brooks: "Because no one invites a bad looking idiot to their room."

What power does visual beauty have to the blind?

If a beautiful airheaded woman, who is used to getting her way based on her looks, meets up with a blind intellectual man, what's the result?

I would guess that the blind intellectual would find her boring. But is that really the case? Would the pretty airhead be able to find a middle ground with the man, based on her charm and guile, or would it be lost with out visual accompanyment?

I suspect that the beauty would adapt and find a way to work aesthetics back into the picture, somehow and MAKE the blind man realize she is valued by his sighted peers. Because when the only thing you have of value is nullified, you're worthless.

This analogy is going a long way to make a little point. I'm pretty much in the worthless phase of my life. I'm worthless and I've known this for a while now, I'm just now acknowledging it. Not obsolete, but not of any worth in my current incarnation.

I'm not writing this for pity or for any answers, it's a reminder for myself. When I look at this in a year from now, everything will come flooding back and I'll remember this feeling.

Be Safe,
KZ