Yo, Munkees, what's the deal? I've spent a couple of days introspecting, navel gazing, meditating and other shit like that so this entry will be a little......drier than usual. Please bear with me as I go through some stuff.
I pride myself on being a pretty humble and relatively quiet guy. I listen much more than I talk and I remember the memorable. I had a talk with a friend of mine, I'll call him "Dream Crusher", this weekend and he kind of let me have it with both barrels. I didn't quite understand it, but after some thought, I think I get where he was coming from.
"You're the most arrogant muthafucka I ever met. " That's how he started. "Nigga, you are arrogant. Just because you don't hardly say shit and you try to be all bohemian and shit don't mean you not arrogant. Nigga, you arrogant." We had a back and forth for a while, me arguing that I work hard to be as accommodating and humble as I can. I work hard (mostly) and try to be as cool and non-judgmental as possible. "All that fucking effort to deal with us mortals. You muthafuckin' self righteous bastard" he retorted. Dream Crusher was spitting venom.
"You talkin' to me about being unhappy about your social life, get over it." I couldn't understand the source of this talk until I really listened to him. "What are you 6"5'?" I said 6"3'. "About 280? Nigga, how come you not in the NFL? I know why. You had to prove to muthafuckas that it was more to you than just brawn, so you decided to concentrate on being a scholar. Just to be contrary, you arrogant muthafucka." I just looked at this cat and laughed. He continued. "You wear dreads and you tryin' to climb the ladder and run a big city department. You don't look like the director of shit. But you arrogant enough to think you can look like you do and let your brains take over. That humility shit is fake."
I had never thought about it this way CONSCIOUSLY. I believe subconsciously I'd gone through all these iterations in my mind to make me who I am, thinking I could have everything I wanted on my own terms. Ultimately I think that's why I got divorced and why I don't plan on getting married again anytime soon.
I told Dream Crusher, "I really think it's my fear of success that takes over sometimes." He said, "Then just kill yourself now and save yourself the trouble. You are wired to run shit, nigga." So ended the scariest fucking conversation I've ever had about myself.
That conversation made me want to reassess the way I do things. All the people pleasing, the accommodation, the relative moralism, all of it. I'll let y'all know how it goes.
Yo, what happened to peace?
I pride myself on being a pretty humble and relatively quiet guy. I listen much more than I talk and I remember the memorable. I had a talk with a friend of mine, I'll call him "Dream Crusher", this weekend and he kind of let me have it with both barrels. I didn't quite understand it, but after some thought, I think I get where he was coming from.
"You're the most arrogant muthafucka I ever met. " That's how he started. "Nigga, you are arrogant. Just because you don't hardly say shit and you try to be all bohemian and shit don't mean you not arrogant. Nigga, you arrogant." We had a back and forth for a while, me arguing that I work hard to be as accommodating and humble as I can. I work hard (mostly) and try to be as cool and non-judgmental as possible. "All that fucking effort to deal with us mortals. You muthafuckin' self righteous bastard" he retorted. Dream Crusher was spitting venom.
"You talkin' to me about being unhappy about your social life, get over it." I couldn't understand the source of this talk until I really listened to him. "What are you 6"5'?" I said 6"3'. "About 280? Nigga, how come you not in the NFL? I know why. You had to prove to muthafuckas that it was more to you than just brawn, so you decided to concentrate on being a scholar. Just to be contrary, you arrogant muthafucka." I just looked at this cat and laughed. He continued. "You wear dreads and you tryin' to climb the ladder and run a big city department. You don't look like the director of shit. But you arrogant enough to think you can look like you do and let your brains take over. That humility shit is fake."
I had never thought about it this way CONSCIOUSLY. I believe subconsciously I'd gone through all these iterations in my mind to make me who I am, thinking I could have everything I wanted on my own terms. Ultimately I think that's why I got divorced and why I don't plan on getting married again anytime soon.
I told Dream Crusher, "I really think it's my fear of success that takes over sometimes." He said, "Then just kill yourself now and save yourself the trouble. You are wired to run shit, nigga." So ended the scariest fucking conversation I've ever had about myself.
That conversation made me want to reassess the way I do things. All the people pleasing, the accommodation, the relative moralism, all of it. I'll let y'all know how it goes.
Yo, what happened to peace?
Fuck Peace,
KZ
4 comments:
I don't know you from what you type, but I don't think there's anything wrong with being arrogant, as long as you don't hurt others. You need to more than confident these days to get what you want. But this is coming from an over confident person...
Isn't it interesting when people speak to us and make us look at ourselves closer and with unjaded eyes? It's hard to admit that sometimes we are more arrogant (or in the least, less humble) than we want to believe.
But is it arrogance or stubborness or individuality to not take the easy road - not take what was handed to us and/or expected of us? So just because you're 6'3" 250 and everyone expects you to be a world-class athlete, does that mean you have to do it? What's wrong with wanting to prove your ability / worth outside of the expectations of the "world?" Not everyone takes the path of least resistance. And I thank God for that (and you).
Just my $1.50 - use it to buy a 1/4 gallon of gas.
Though that may have been a rough conversation, that guy sounds like a good friend. The ones that tell you exactly how it is...how the world sees you. Those are the people to believe, rather than the ones who smile in your face and tell you how wonderful you are, then call you an arrogant bastard behind your back.
Just from your posts, I can tell you're confident... but that's a good thing. Then again, I don't know you like ol' Dream Crusher does...
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