Hey peoples! How y'all doin'? Before we go on I'd just like to make a clarification: I was in no way dissin' lighter skinned black people in my last post. Some of my best friends...never mind. Some of my favorite ex-girlfriends and current "batty" partners are yella. We all got our little preferences. I love black people across the board. Except if you're a popular MC. If so, I fucking hate your black ass.
Anyway, I've been thinking about aging. I'll be 35 next month and quite frankly, my youthful good looks are fading. They actually started fading on my 18th birthday! It's been a long, rapid decline. I became prematurely gray. I used to sport a full beard, then it got laced with gray hair when I was 25. So I dyed it. I was too lazy to maintain it, so I kept the gray after a while. Then it proliferated. Crept into my temples. And now, bam! If I grew out my full beard and sat down at a mall, small children would leap into my lap and ask me for presents. Damn genetics. I got more gray hair than my father, but my mother...gray as a mule since she was 21. I've had gray friggin' chest hair since I was 27! When I take my shirt off I look like the black stunt double for Wilfred Brimley.
Now, of all things I gotta worry about taco meat. You ever see Rocky I? Did you see Apollo Creed's chest hair? That shit looked like little balls of taco meat glued to his chest. More and more I'm finding my formerly silky smooth chest in little balls on my chest. You've seen niggas with nappy beards that look like that too. Think Whitman Mayo or Cody Chesnutt. That shit ain't gangsta! That's some unsexy shit.
So there you have it. I'm not a kid anymore and I'm wasting the last vestiges of youth I have in Satan's Anus. With taco meat on my chest.
Anyway, I've been thinking about aging. I'll be 35 next month and quite frankly, my youthful good looks are fading. They actually started fading on my 18th birthday! It's been a long, rapid decline. I became prematurely gray. I used to sport a full beard, then it got laced with gray hair when I was 25. So I dyed it. I was too lazy to maintain it, so I kept the gray after a while. Then it proliferated. Crept into my temples. And now, bam! If I grew out my full beard and sat down at a mall, small children would leap into my lap and ask me for presents. Damn genetics. I got more gray hair than my father, but my mother...gray as a mule since she was 21. I've had gray friggin' chest hair since I was 27! When I take my shirt off I look like the black stunt double for Wilfred Brimley.
Now, of all things I gotta worry about taco meat. You ever see Rocky I? Did you see Apollo Creed's chest hair? That shit looked like little balls of taco meat glued to his chest. More and more I'm finding my formerly silky smooth chest in little balls on my chest. You've seen niggas with nappy beards that look like that too. Think Whitman Mayo or Cody Chesnutt. That shit ain't gangsta! That's some unsexy shit.
So there you have it. I'm not a kid anymore and I'm wasting the last vestiges of youth I have in Satan's Anus. With taco meat on my chest.
Te quiero my old chest hair!
KZ
10 comments:
I'm hitting treinta y dos en el mes que viene myself and although "gray hair" isn't what keeps ME up a night, I'll be pontificating on what does in a few more days. Gray at 18?! Geemaneez...and that "taco meat" phenomenon really AIN'T cute at any age. Wax that shit, Zed --Ya'll like us bald, we like ya'll smooth, believe that!
I got hella gray too, lol. I like mine! My grandfather's hair was white by 30, so it runs in the fam here too... I figure, as long as wisdom comes with it, it's all good!!!
Zed, Zed, Zed. You are only beginning to scratch the surface of the shit a man has to contend with in his thirties. How about premature baldness (me). The George Jefferson look at cool, so I cut it off completely. White nose hairs (me). I have to continuously tweeze them so that it doesn't look like I just finished sniffing coke. Low semen (not to be confused with sperm) distribution (me). I used to could plaque a chick's whole face, now I bust only enough to fill a thimble. Getting old sucks.
good gooble goo
Man, No Lie I just discovered that your pubes and stuff turn gray - going deep sea diving this weekend to investigate the barnacles in the cave.....say what cha want but I am shole glad I gots me some good hair, lol At least it will be a fineeee gray!
Oh Gawd I can't breathe I'm laughing so hard! Not "taco meat!" Ooh wee, can ya wax it?
Zed,
Slap some S-curl juice on that taco meat. Then, it will be gray but smoooooth. ;-)
@SJ
You'd rather see a hairless chest than a gray nappy chest? What are you a commie?
*notices her complexion and dimples*
I'll start waxing tonight!
@ES
We gotta fight against this gray. That's why the old cat at your gig was trying to holla. He thought y'all might be in the same demographic! I get a lot of Eartha Kitts trying to swing with me.
@SD
Dude, this aging shit ain't done with me yet. I'll let you know what comes next. I'm sure it ain't pretty.
@IBW
I'm sad to say I have two gray pubic hairs. I got some gray underarm hair. I wasn't gonna admit it, but I'm pretty anonymous here.
@Twin
I think I'd rather be Grady than Bubba or Skillet. That would suck worse.
@Pammie
Need help?
*eyebrows moving up and down*
@Ms KeKe
I might dye my dick hair. You never know.
@Tonee
That waxing shit makes me question my inherent masculinity. It might hurt!
@CC
Et tu, Chubby?
LMAO...I don't know what to say...
'cept from my calculations you have a week to wax the chest, dye the pubs (lol) and shave the under arms.... Your too funny...sadly true...but still hilarious.
I am older than you and ain't got ahlf the shit you going through....damn, that' means it's on it's way huh? That's eff'd up!
LOL..@ Serial dater...a thimble? too funny
lawd.....I was A.PALL.ED and dismayed when I discovered that I have gray pubics!!! *swooning about to fall*.
I pluck EVERY.SINGLE.GRAY. HAIR I find in my hair. And I SWEAR as the days pass and as my fucking boss gets more and MORE on my nerves, I keep finding additional hairs every month! DAYUM!
I'm with ya dawg....I'm with you...
As for the TACO meat...... SHAVE THAT BULLSHIT OFF DAWG.. I HATE chest hair. yuck! (not that I have to impress you) :-) but still......cut it off dawg.
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