Three: Hello, may I speak to T.O.?
KZ: This is T.O.
3: Hi, this is Bill Parcells. We missed you at this morning's meeting.
KZ: What's up there, Sunshine?
3: Nothin' much there, Handsome. What's crackin'?
KZ: Nothin' man. Bitter. Bitter. Old, curmudgeonly, and bitter.
3: That sounds about right. What's the science?
KZ: Puss deprivation, my African. That's the science.
3: You should be in Detroit. I got three bitches on my lap as we speak, African. AS WE SPEAK!
KZ: Anyway, yeah. Puss deprivation.
3: You gotta be meetin' more women by now.
KZ: *I tell him the story about the chick I met on Friday*
3: There you have it, Champion. That sounds pretty good to me. How was the follow up?
KZ: I don't think I wanna tell you.
3: You sure?
KZ: I'm not in the mood to be laughed at, dude.
3: (In pimp's voice) Baby, what's my name?
KZ: Alright man, but reserve judgement. I am in the fuckin' boonies and shit.
3: I'll do my muthafuckin' best, Winner.
KZ: I called her on Saturday, but I didn't talk to her. I left a message with somebody. I have no idea who.
3: Man or woman?
KZ: Woman. So I didn't call again until today. As a matter of fact, I just got off the phone with her before you called.
3: What happened?
KZ: Well...dude, don't laugh, OK? I'm kinda fragile and shit right now.
3: African, just talk!
KZ: OK, well I called and she answered...
3: Yeah?
KZ: I asked if she was busy, and she told me she was making a grilled cheese sandwich and she needed to call me back.
3: *The loudest, most uproarious laughter one can ever imagine erupting from a human orifice* Dude, you got dissed for a grilled cheese sandwich? Damn, you're a bigger loser than I thought.
KZ: I can't imagine ever being that much of a loser, dude.
3: I mean damn, she coulda just said she was cookin' but she told you specifically a grilled cheese sandwich. Gotdamn!
KZ: That's the story of Satan's Anus right there.
3: And you attribute that to what? To you? You takin' that one for yourself?
KZ: I can't blame shit but me.
3: If a bitch is too stupid to give you run, not a run-of-the-mill gotdamn loser, but YOU, why are you putting that on yourself?
KZ: 'Cuz, African, the only constant is me.
3: The only constant is those broads in the Anus be settlin' for less and lookin' at you as an example of what their men could do better. You fuckin' trippin'. You better not internalize that shit. Your ego is letting you believe it's all about you. Maybe she got some other factors goin' on in her life. Man up and stop takin' everything so gotdamn personal.
KZ: Man, fuck you.
3: Hey, don't hate me African. I'm not a grilled cheese!
Be Easy,
KZ
51 comments:
Ditto 3's assessment. It ain't you!
LMAO! Maybe the grill cheese was laced with crack. See what you avoided. lol!
My advice, follow Three's.
you should have told her you like sammiches and to make you one and bring it over!
It's official, you need to move out of the Anus.
I think you are more of the type to go after a chick that eats grilled HAM and CHHESE! LOL!
I didn't post my comment when you met her, but I was thinking a chick in a DARK club DRINKING...she proabably just broke up with her dude thats in the Pen cuz he wants dude on the bottom bunk. And she's going to go the next day to win him back! LOL!
Now there is the perfect lady out there for you BUT...maybe not in the ANUS. LMAO!!! Why did that sound so funny. Holla!
Some of us can't see the forest for the trees...keep your head up Zeddie Bear.
She's coming...whomever she is and wherever she is...she's coming!!!
I hope all that cheese gave her gas *hmpf*
You do internalize and make things personal!
Everything will be alright...she'll kiss it and make things better watch. I think you jumped the gun on this one...it will work itself out.
Per our converstion...then reading this...your psycho....get that checked out please!
I am a hungry bitch....generally I am much more hornier than hungry most times.
She didn't call back?
i know don't know what they shoving up anus but it's obvious ain't none of the shit getting out.
@All Y'all
I got some new information after I already posted this. It will reveal that, I, Zed Zednanreh, am an idiot.
I was checking my cell phone call log for a number I needed when I saw it. On my missed calls yesterday I saw Theresa's number, ONE HOUR BEFORE I MADE THIS STUPID PHONE CALL TO HER, an hour before the grilled cheese incident. She called me first. I was asleep when she called and didn't realize she called me earlier. When I called her, it was follow up to the unreturned Saturday call.
When she answered, I was like "Hi, this is Zed. We met Friday." It musta struck her as weird. She'd just called me an hour before, OF COURSE SHE KNEW WHO I WAS. When she said let me call you back, I took it as a blow off when obviously she was still interested because she called me that day in the first place.
When I finally checked my messages today (something I'm notoriously bad at doing) her message yesterday was sweet, concilliatory and hopeful. I am a complete and utter ass.
KZ
well zed i am glad that you can admit you're an ass, maybe now you can get some ass and quit your bitchin' and moaning!
So she was interested? Nice....keep us in the loop. You need to call her and try to hook up this weekend. Take it slow Zed!!
hahahahahaha
LOL @ Miss Ahmad
Anyway Zed, this here sounds like it may have some potential, so i'm still sending positive vibes your way. One more year in the Anus, make the best of it.
well, now that you've corrected yourself, I'd go back to your first comment. The only constant in your situation is you.
You're down on the women that seem into you, down on women that aren't, down on life.
Geeze
DAYUM! But yeah, it ain't you. People are constantly f*cking with riff-raff, IMO. I think some people like settling for sh*t because it floats their own egos that they're better than their partners. I'm going to blog on that in the near future. It ain't you, luv.
@Miss Ahmad
When did I say I wasn't getting ass? Maybe I'm not getting all the ass I want.
@1969
Yeah, she was interested. Go figure.
@OneFrom
Mercifully one more year!
@Joanie
That's a correct assessment. I am down on life in general.
How's Chachi?
@BZ
Damn that's some deep shit! You marry somebody so you can lord it over them that you're better than they are. That seems like some Hollywood shit.
@Restless
She could be as dumb as a tree as long as she's coming out the sap.
@Mack
If a chick you called Saturday hasn't called you back, you do some bootleg shit like I did, you call again before she calls you once (which is against the fuckin' rules) , and then she blows you off, that blunt shit will fuck you up.
If I knew she'd called me first, I'd been much cooler.
Now she owes me a fuckin' call. Again.
KZ
i haven't been keeping up with whether you have or haven't been getting any ass but you sure know how to act like one!
good luck with your ms booty!
Regardless of whether she called you first, why can't she talk while she is making a grilled cheese sandwich. That don't take too much work, does it?
@Miss Ahmad
Dang, did you just call me an ass? WTF? What happened to the luv?
@T Cas
I don't know what that silly shit was about, but it fucked with me more than a little bit. Mind you, I don't know what her situation is like at all. I haven't had a chance to talk to her. She could have a gotdamn shoe fulla shorties or somethin'. It might be kinda hectic, hence the importance of talking.
KZ
Ahhhh Bruh I would have laughed at you too..lol..Grilled chees sandwich..Don't ever call her again....
Yeah dog, she bumped you for the notorious grilled cheese bit.
Damn homie... My mind's playin' tricks on me.
If she ever calls back, bump that ass and tell her you're making a big ass jug of kool aid and needs two hands for the sugar.
TAAAAHAAA, grilled cheese!!!
She eating a grilled cheese sammich?
I hope it was for her seed....
And she didn't call back either?
DAMN DAMN DAMN, James...
*lol* @ Hassan!
Ok, she did call....so thats a good sign!
She had company...
My bad.. I saw your response a little further down the page.
@Slish
I get a lot of that nowadays. Yep, a lot of that.
@Hassan
That kool aid shit is priceless! I'm using it!
@Nsane (no matter what you change to!)
That shit had better have been for her shorty. I could understand that.
@Tjeanise
Yeah, she actually called. A minor miracle.
KZ
Yeah Three hasnt been any good up to this point, but I have to co-sign with him on this...Ima tell you like I tell my Black SistaFriends in the Bean..."You do realize that if we were in a major city like (fill in the blank, New York, Detroit, Miami...) we wouldnt even be having this conversation, right?"
You got, what six months to go? Dont bang your head on a brick wall. IMPORT or EXPORT is the only way to go.
ha ha ha ha.
It not you bruh, I hung up on my moms the other night for a double quarter pounder...a brotha was just hungry.
@Chezniki
I have to learn patience. Kinda like one needs when their locs are new. I'm pretty bad at that.
@Stilts
I knew you'd support me. *MWAH*
@1in
Dude, did your mom know she got the ziggy for a sammich?
KZ
Naw man moms didn't know...she thought I had "company".
Sayin' though. What if the last time you started your locs (with your last hairdresser) your hair locked right away...
...and with your new hairdresser, its been five months and you still have an afro...
Unless you put a perm in before you got to the second hair salon, the problem is with the hairdresser...she dont know what the hell she's doing. And no amount of patience or time will cure that. B*tch just cant do hair.
All of that to say, sometimes Bullsh*t is just that and you are better off taking your ball(s) and going home...or at least to another city. Im against lost causes.
hmmmmm...either that was one helluva grilled cheese...or she was really just preoccupied--with someone else boo... :-/
This last Thursday post is so...
*YAWN*....
...waiting....
Yo, my dick is large enough for many riders, this one broad notwithstanding.
It's OK. I never have to post again. My legacy is secure.
It's time for the writer to write. Really.
KZ
dammmn, who questioned the size of your dick???? are you angry? last post thurs. . . we miss you much Zed, come back home. . .
you can call me Zed. I'll never let you know that I'd rather be shaving hairs off my toes than talking to you.
where is Batcrap?
She's around. Trying to proselytize and shit.
KZ
Ok I'm confused...what's going on with you. Your like what? Hiding or some shyt? Mad at us? Irritated...I ain't use to this side of you. I've been patient...but ummmm what's the deal YO?
The basement of an old Catholic Church, circa now. There is a circle of chairs with a various cast of characters.
KZ: My name is Zed and I'm a feedback addict.
All y'all: Hi Zed!
KZ: I started blogging to show how funny, cute and clever I could be, how skillfull I was at conveying emotion and angst in small doses. Then, things got out of hand...
*sobbing*
RD: Awww, it's OK Zed.
Blah: Man up, fool!
Robyn: *thisniggaistryingforsympathysohe cangetsomepussy*
(Dryly) Yeah, Zed. There, there.
KZ: So anyway, the more I wrote, the more I needed to hear how dope I was . I couldn't get enough. "Zed, you're funny!" "Zed, you need to write that book!" "Zed, come get this pussy!"
Robyn: A-hah!
KZ: (sniffling) Anyway, I wrote in spite of myself. Personal shit, minor shit, boring shit, you name it, I wrote it, just to get love.
Blah: You trippin'! Pass me the gat so I can smoke this muthafucka!
Slish: How can you be mad at this man? All he wants is love? Can you blame him? Love makes the world go 'round.
Blah: OK, pass me the gat so I can smoke this muthafucka!
KZ
Awwwww Zeddie!!!
Dawg!! That shit was hilarious!
But.....I wouldn't have said....uh....er......that.....uh...
Oh nevermind.
:-)
I feel ya.
THAT is hilarious... your right with that last line...about that last cat....heeheehee
Aww, Zed...you got a friend in me... (that's Woody singing to Buzz Lightyear for ya)
Awwwwwww Zed I wish you would write some more...sniff...Was that selfish considering he is obviously going through some stuff but errrr um come on back and do another post...like talk about Batcrap and stuff
That happens to be one of the best conversations I've been privy too. Pussy deprivation, that's the science. Nice.
Zed...I miss your posts dude.
Ok so you're really serious? I'm over here sulking for real. Can't you see how much we love you...isn't that enough to bring you back. I miss you Zeddie...come on, come back!!!
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