Wednesday, February 07, 2007

The Oddest Thing

What up, young people? I hope you're enjoying your lives. I'm here in Satan's Anus getting an appreciation for the concept of "irony". Please sit back, sip your lattes, and indulge me for a moment, won't you?

I'm MS Outlook a lot of the day, kickin' "conversation" with a few of my friends, foremost of those is TAD. As most of you out there already know, I like TAD. A lot. She's cool, nahmean? So really I'm just kickin' it via email with her mostly, talking about whatever's going on. Yesterday, she sent me her last email of the day, because she was headed home. I still had an hour to be in the office, 45 minutes of which was a meeting with HR. Gotta follow up on those smells, right?

Anyway, after TAD bids me adieu, I get a phone call. It's a reporter from the Satan's Anus Chronicle. This is sort of a regular occurrance, so it's not a shock. I'm thinking they want to talk about what happened at the last City Commission meeting. But that's not the case.

"Mr. Zednanreh, we got your information from someone who attended an event given by your fraternity a couple of weeks ago. We are doing an article on what it means to be single in Satan's Anus."

Really? "What have your dating experiences been like?" "Do you find it difficult to find a setting suitable for you dating needs?" "What type of women are you looking for?" "Are you dating someone now?"

So, she's gather all this information and I'm about to be featured in this article on being single in Satan's Anus. Today I'm supposed to go to the newspaper and get my picture taken for the article. I know what you're saying. "Zed, how is any of this ironic?" Well keep sipping your latte whilst I explain.

You see, this article would have been perfect a year ago. Hell, this article would have been perfect six months ago. But right now, right now, where I'm on the ground floor of what I think will be a magnificent relationship, I get put out there as a super-eligible bachelor. I don't want to meet any other chicks and the paper is setting me up to meet goo-gobs of women. Arrrggghhhh!

And that's why crack should be legal.

KZ

20 comments:

BZ said...

FIRST?!?!

Enjoy the attention. You don't need to meet anyone you don't want, save the groupies who will recognize you on the street from having read the publication. I might give TAD a heads-up, if she's anywhere in the realm of distribution of this thing. Just so she doesn't think you're minimalizing what you all have. But, I think that whatever you could contribute to the article might be valuable in changing the scenery for other folks who've had as hard a time as you in that area. But yeah, when you ain't lookin - that's when they come knockin.

Knockout Zed said...

@BZ
Oh, TAD knows. She thinks it's cute. She definitely wants to see the finished product. I told the reporter I was seeing someone, so she knows I ain't minimizing nothin'. You know how bad I've had it on the dating scene from this blog and for this to come now? Irony, indeed.

KZ

Miz JJ said...

How does that annoying saying go 'When it rains it pours"??

And do you really think you will meet anyone better than TAD in SA? Maybe it is just your description of SA, but I do not think you have much to worry about. Plus, you must be use to gently letting down the ladies...right??

Knockout Zed said...

@Miz JJ
I won't meet anyone better than TAD anywhere, period. I'm just saying when I gave up on trying to have sex with every woman I met, I was just trying to date for fun. I couldn't even do that! The article would've helped.

I'm getting better at letting 'em down. I used to just avoid 'em.

KZ

A.u.n.t. Jackie said...

sounds like you should tell the reporter that you don't think you should be featured in the article. i'm sure there's another dude who would love to get some new action.

i'm just saying.

since you're all boo'd up, share the wealth!

1969 said...

Feast or famine.

Enjoy the attention. TAD is a secure woman. Besides, you know that there isn't much happening in the Anus anyway. If there was, you would have come across it by now.

Anonymous said...

I'm sure T.A.D. is very secure, otherwise you wouldn't be bothered with her. However, didn't you have the option of saying, "Thanks, but no thanks?"

BTW, congratulations on your potentially magnificent relationship.

aquababie said...

i agree with miss ahmad on this one. take a pass and let some other brother do the article.

Knockout Zed said...

@Miss Ahmad
Bullshit! I'm about to make my fourth Friday shit blow up! I'll take the spotlight to show 'em how wack it is for Black professional here and get some pub in the meanwhile.

@Sixy
These cats can have these chicks. I gave up before I even met TAD.

@Chele
Nope, not an option. Imma take that light and let it shine in the dark recesses. I hang out with a bunch of singles who have the same issues as I do. Imma let 'em all know.

@Aqua
Un unh. I told the truth like only I can tell it. I'll either be praised or villified. It don't matter either way. I don't care if I date in this piece again.

KZ

Gemini Girl aka GG said...

I'm getting the next flight out to cop me a copy of this article! Satan's Anus is where?? behind what 2 holes in a wall???

Little Brown Girl said...

Are you kidding me? No seriously, you're joking, no? You're not married to anyone YET...and whilst you and ole' girl are hamming it up on the get to know you tip, what's the harm in getting to know a few more folks in the Anus? It will help life become a bit more bearable! Your potential Boo shouldn't feel threatened cause its apparent that you are REALLY REALLY REALLY feeling her *wink*

I say enjoy yourself...but thats just me, what do I know?

A.u.n.t. Jackie said...

greedy bastard you just want more people to come to your frat events:-)

The Brown Blogger said...

Damn, I'd be rich.

I got that Hatian Heat for you son!
That Maui Wowwie shit kid!

I can FedEx a lil' rock to ya, but you are a municipal official and it is crossing state lines...

Fuck it, find a local crack dealer, this shit is too much work.

Angel said...

uh...lemme see if i get this straight...

attention from multiple women=bad.

attention from one woman=good

am i following correctly?

Anonymous said...

Sounds like a test from up above to me. You get to show and prove what's really more important to you. You could embrace the flock of women that you will undoubtedly get after this article and have the fun you wanted, or pass on all that and enjoy what's already in front of you. You seem to already have made that decision, but temptation right up in your face is a mutha. Good luck:)

onefromphilly said...

LOL, this is ironic!

As long as you let the reporter know that you're dating someone, I think it's your civic duty to let people know just how miserable the single life in SA can be!

Smiling@ your potentially magnificent relationship

Anonymous said...

Dammit! Let'em feature my ass! Arghhh is right! You don't want the attention yet it's dropped in your lap, meanwhile,I'm over here in dating purgatory. :(

mrs.tj said...

I don't even know why you acting surprised that is the way it ALWAYS happens. Then when you get married to your Queen. A week later the woman you THOUGHT was going to be your queen all the sudden shows up, no hubby, no kids, money, house and job, and all she wants to do is serve you! LOL! But as we know the grass AIN'T always greeener in that queens yard. Holla!

Anonymous said...

Sure that wasnt one of TADs friends pretending to be from the Cronicle?

Did you check the office caller ID?

Those two calls back to back...Hmmm.

Good thing you answered those questions the correctly, LOL!

Knockout Zed said...

@GG
If you ever find yourself in Satan's Anus, look for a way out. Trust me.

@RD
I'm having the weirdest few days here, Roycee. I think something might be in the water. They are trying to give it to me, article or not!

@Miss Ahmad
Anything for the frat!

@Hassan
I grew up in the crack economy. Everything is fair, especially interstate trade.

@FA
Attention from multiple women = good
Attention from one woman = good
Attention from inbred, closed minded, mouth-breathin' chicks = bad

That's what's up.

@Beauty
A bird in the hand is better than my dick in my hand, so I think I'll stick with what I got.

@OneFrom
Sometimes potential is never realized.

Damn, that just made me sad.

@Angie
You have different dating problems. I was working with ZERO. You've got bad prospects. There's a difference.

@Mrs. TJ
Damn, you're right. That happened to me when I got married. When I got divorced, no haps.

@Chezniki
I thought I should answer it honestly, lest the article fall into the wrong hands!

KZ