Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Held Down

I complain about a lot of shit on this blog. This entry will be different in that respect. I promise I won't complain once. This entry is about the women who work to keep me sane in Satan's Anus.

There are four women here who are doing their darndest to try to make me feel comfortable in what they know is an uncomfortable situation. It's a shame I've never written about them before in any significant fashion. They are a group of older professional women and they really try to make sure I'm cool in this city.

This Saturday they had a barbeque to get a group of Black folks (all transplants) together. I was in Detroit on Saturday to....ahem....do some stuff and I missed it. They refused to let it lie. They did it all again Monday to make sure I didn't miss out on the get together. It was important to them that I was there.

We were at Janice's house, she's the youngest of the women, on the back deck where it was hotter than leather pussy. We didn't do anything extra special. Barbequed, played Spades (where I kept underbidding like a punk), talked shit, but it was cool that they wanted to me to be a part of it.

Everytime I talk about being lonely and isolated, I ought to check that. They tell me constantly "call if you just wanna hang" and I blow it off. I don't want to inconvenience anybody or to thrust myself in the midst of anyone's life. They tell me they got me, so I should take them at their words.

Be Easy,

P.S. Note to my blogging friend that wants to stick up for white people: If you want to make an anti-racist point, don't use racist language. The word you're looking for is "Inuit" not "Eskimo". Eskimo is offensive to the Inuit people, bitch. I don't try to make anti-racist points, I make pro-Black statements.


chele said...

Take them at their word, Zed. I don't think they would feel inconvenienced at all.

Also, thanks for pointing out the difference between Anti-Something and Pro-Something. I had a falling out with a chick a while back because we are both Pro-Black but she is also Anti-Everyone Else. I have love for all people and I don't have to shit on other people in order to prove that I love my people. Does that make sense?

A.u.n.t. Jackie said...

Women who can talk shit, play cards and cook sound like good company to me Zed...

Prophetess said...

I wish I could float my ass up to the Anus, cuz you and I would hang out all the time. I'll bring some good food, some good wine, a sack of that good shit (even though all me and you can do is "smell" it)and a deck o' my trick playing cards. We can play some Black Jack21 and I'ma take all your money! LOL. Never turn down an offer for a good time; we all need to relax some time...

Speaking of racist language and shit: apparently I have started a firestorm of controversy with my latest posting. Drop by Brother and let me hear your 2 cents. And bring a coup'l friends, too.

Prophetess said...

P.S. : I KNEW you had to be somewhere knee deep in some snatch. How did it go? LOL!

Knockout Zed said...

This cat (I don't even wanna give his ass any juice) thought that my post on White people lying was an affront to his whiteness. It was actually an attack on the people who get to write the official history of this nation leaving out key details to make themselves look more favorably.

For the record I'm not anti-anybody either. I won't shit on a British, French, Irish, or any European in specific. I will speak the truth about "blanket" whiteness.

@Miss Ahmad
I don't really know how to be friends with women without trying to fuck 'em. That's really the issue. I'm trying to be better.

If you came up in this piece all hell would certainly break loose! KY and Hersey's Syrup and stuff.

I read your blog and I agree with you 100%. I was just looking for how to word my comments.

The coochie was good. Not great, but OK.


Anonymous said...

Zed... I agree with Miss Ahmad. Besides, platonic relationships are very necessary...they are where you really get to know the opposite sex. Not in a "relationship" where everyone's frontin' and lying on the damn time.

Also, why don't you try traveling more often...

Anonymous said...

told you about them chicks...you never listen!

Little Brown Girl said...

Awwwwwww Zed!! I was starting to feel sorry for you in Satan's Anus but it sounds like you have a powerful sistah circle of women who want to hold you down...SO LET THEM. That is what we strong sistahs do...hold our brothas down (and not just the ones we are in love with either). The post made me smile and made me even prouder to be a black woman!!!

Oh and who was the azzhole to which you were referring...did I miss something?

A.u.n.t. Jackie said...

KZ having female friends doesn't stop you from being a man, having manly desires however...just think about your stalker Carmel and think about how nice it is to have a good time and not have to carry home any baggage, or check for chicks hunting you down!

I agree with RD, black women can hold you down like a mofo down here!

I have great homeboys down here, and only one of them makes me feel like getting unpredictable..but hey that's just me!

Mr.Slish said...

Can those ladies Cook ? Hmmmm and why they want to hang out with you so much. Sure they don't want to turn you into their personal sex slave..ya never know..lol

So...Wise...Sista said...

Oh no...you're one of THOSE brothas? The 'can't just be friends' dude. Shit.;)
Well hell, are any of them looking to throw panties at you? They sound really cool...esp having 2 bbqs in a weekend. You're still trying to find your plae which is natural...but why you think your place is always up in some cooch?

Knockout Zed said...

In the immortal words of the 2 Live Crew: I want to fuck! And for that endeavor I need a woman. And they are women. You can see the bind I'm in.

@Up In Harlem
You did tell me, I must admit.

I'm not used to no strings attached friendship I don't think. If I haven't known them forever I wonder why they're trying to hang out. I wonder about the motive.

Read the last comments on my post "The Bootstrap Factory" and see what I'm pissed about.

@Miss Ahmad
I must lightweight like drama. Of the four there is one that I wanna bang out so baaaadddd! Damn.

You're going to think I'm bullshittin', and I thought I was reading some shit into this, but they started discussing the merits of man-sharing. Then they'd look at me like "what do you have to say?". I just sat back and drank.


Knockout Zed said...

@So Wise
I have a bunch of female friends. I'm just not happy about it. I can only think of 2 I didn't try to fuck first. I'm a default friend.


nikki said...

@chele, i feel EXACTLY the same way. eloquently put.

@zed, i'm glad you were able to hang out in the anus and find a good time closer to home. hehehe@hotter than leather pussy. i've never seen one of those and i hope i never do.

Honest said...

Sometimes folks just really just want someone to hang with. I guess from reading the comments you just have to work on being "just friends" part of it. Or maybe they're trying to feel you out before making their move.

ChezNiki said...

Im with CocoaGirl...there's plenty of available...ladies out here on the East Coast... You should travel more...


A.u.n.t. Jackie said...

KZ you gotta low and just be friends and then make sure that you pick the right one!

see fine ladies run in packs, you wanna check the whole pack before you start hunting... i mean I heard something like that before maybe...

BTW what's the difference between SA and Detroit! I thought they were the same place!

Anonymous said...

Am I one of them two?

TRUTHZ said...

How is it that a man from the midwest don't know how to play spades? that's some unmanly stuff right there..u should put that in your previous blog... i agree with those who are telling you to take them women up on their offer. you never know...old poonany might be what you need to settle your roaring manhood.

lol...at leather pussy... i won't even ask

EqualOpportunityCrush said...

Well it's good to know that you have people to hold you down in good old Satan's Anus. Keep hope alive. lol

Knockout Zed said...

Leather pussy leaves a bad aftertaste.

I can be just friends with women I'm not attracted to. It's just that window is so small. It's always something, from the very superficial to the intellectual.

I love the east coast, but I think most women on it need "the cure". And that is the cure for Bossy-itis.

@Miss Ahmad
What you say is true judging from the WCBH crew.

Don't be tryin' to crash on my hometown!!!! Satan's Anus is a city in the wilderness of SW Michigan between Detroit and Chicago. I'm from Detroit, but I'm stuck in SA.

If this is YOU and I think it is, you know damn well I was trying fuck until you put the kibosh on it. (I distinctly remember an auto related incident) I'm highly sexually attracted to you.

I don't want to give the impression that these broads are in their sixties. They range from early to late 40s. Nevertheless, I'm not hittin'.

I need to call them when I'm floating out there bored as shit. I hope I don't decide to start my phone calls to them post midnight. Drunk dialing is a bitch.


lyre said...

Look at Zed trying to get his Mack on in a blog post. You are slick Mfer. and I mean this in the most affectionate way.

i like liquor and tv said...

I hang out with older people too. They always have liquor and food...real food that they cook. Like they always have the whole meal..a meat, a couple of sides, salad, dessert...they have it all. My younger friends never have food, or if they do it like only chicken..and a loaf of bread, talking about, Girl just slap you together a chicken sandwich, I got some Miracle whip in the fridge. I hate Miracle Whip.

Anonymous said...

Just checkin'...a sistah likes to know she still got "it". ;)

Ming Houser, Realtor said...

I'm gone for one week and all hell breaks loose... Whose trying to start some shit with you? I'll go get that big Lesbian Biker bitch to handle your lightweight!!!