Sunday, May 21, 2006

The Revenge of Frat Business

Hey y'all, what's happenin'? A little karma has caught up with me. A few days ago I got a call from one of my older frat brothers telling me I was voted Vice President of my chapter. This happened in absentia, I'd only been to one meeting in ten months in Satan's Anus. Now, I'm the defacto chairman of a bunch of committees and subcommittees, making sure the frat works smoothly. Which means real frat business. A lot of real frat business. I guess I deserved this.

I was on my way to the barbershop yesterday. Just for an edge-up and some tapering on the side. My visits are usually pretty short. So your girl, Carmel, calls me and asks where I'm going. I tell her and she's like "I'm right near there. Can I come see you?" Now, I don't know what's so major that she HAS to see a brotha at the barbershop, so I'm hesistant. Really, I'm irritated.

I've been dodging her for awhile because of her neediness. She wants to talk on the phone 8 to 9 times a day. She's stuck with her shorties most of the time and she's latching on to my (nonexistent) life to see how the other half lives. I can't do that. When I see her number, I ig it for the most part until I feel like talking.

Today, I'm like "what the hell" so I answered the phone and she wanted to see me, so I said OK. I'm waiting for my turn in the chair and I see her riding shotgun in a silver Lexus with rims. I look at the driver and it's some cat with a ball cap on, straight bill, and an oversized polo shirt on. You know, a jackass.

So they come in and Carmel introduces me to her "friend" Anthony. So I'm like "What's goin' on, man?" and she's leaning over to hug me. He walks out the shop. She tells me that cat is visiting from Chicago and he's originally from Satan's Anus. They went to college together. I'm pretty bored with this line of conversation. Really I'm like they need to go off someplace and fuck each other. I'd really like her to go.

Carmel says "Did you see his car? It's beautiful ain't it?" I'm like "Hell yes! Magnificent!" all uber-excited and fake so she can see I really don't give a fuck. So she asks if she could see me later. I tell her I have a lot of errands to run and I'd call her afterwards.

Do you know the type of person who is never together? Always scatterbrained and disorganized? Whenever you set a time to do something it's always at least 40 minutes off because they're lollygaggin' and generally fucking up? Well, that's Carmel. Those types of people bug me because I'm very time conscious. It strikes me as a form of disrespect. So I decide to disrespect her right back on this day.

I call her back around seven hours later. Carmel doesn't even know she's being disrespected, so I don't even get the joy out of it that I want to. She starts talking to me about the conversation she and Anthony had after they left the shop. I'm like "unhunh", iggin' her once again. Then she tells me Anthony and her baby daddy are "boys". They grew up together. Then I flip.

"So you tellin' this African* my business and he's cool with a cat I got problems with?" She's trying to downplay it, but I won't let it go. Actually it's a minor thing, but I see my opening. I will get rid of her ass once and for all. "You don't know shit about discretion. Didn't they teach you that shit when you pledged? You are fuckin' up!" She's getting emotional, I'm getting madder. "You gotta learn how to keep your mouth shut!" "Well you tell your boy Three all types of stuff about us." "Three is MY FRIEND. Three don't discuss you with a broad I used to fuck. Shit, you still fuckin' your baby daddy! That shit is foul!"

She keeps trying to justify it, but this is too good to pass up. I'm cuttin' her needy ass loose. We got off the phone, she texted me. I didn't respond. Let's see how long this holds up. It depends on my sex drive or how much frat business I have.



Prophetess said...

Don't worry about the Frat business or nothing like that; I have every confidence that you aint gone fuck with Carmel anymore after this. How do I know?

I know because men absolutely hate it when women bring 3 or 4 different other men to their face and try to act all "It's all good." What Carmel is trying to do is play the Jealousy card. Which isn't going to work because Saggies like us aren't jealous or threatened by other mofos (whether male or female), in no way, shape, form, or fashion.

And you don't have a prob with her baby's daddy. That nig has a prob with you, because of the way Carmel presented him to you. There's no way in Hell her baby daddy should be on the phone like he wanna set it off with you. And it appears to me that Carmel might be somewhat of a "lady of ill repute"; hanging and riding with all sorts of miscellaneous nigs, and then wanna have the nerve to present them to your face, like you supposed to be shocked/awed/impressed/fascinated by these mofos.

I aint worried about you at all, Bro. I know aint no way in Hell you'd fuck off with that gal after she done rode up with some other nig in his car; and then trying to make you be impressed by that shit he was driving. Like you supposed to be jealous of her and them nigs. Hell, she prolly just got through sucking that nig's dick, RIGHT before she showed up to fuck with you... you never know what a hoe has been up to just moments before she showed up on the scene.

Bitch, please.

She needs to get out your mix and quit trying to find herself a permanent spot in it because it aint gone happen. Saggies like us are like that: cross us or disappoint us the wrong way and you can bess belee you ass is cut loose like an umbilical cord on a just-born infant... If I was a man, Carmel would be good for just one thing and that's getting on her "head" job. I can't stand weak, cry-baby, emotionally immature women. They bring you down - in lots of ways. And if Carmel is trying to get your attention, she's going about it the wrong way.

Aint no way in hell I'd present that lousy mofo of a baby's daddy of mine to a man I'm interested in.

Somewhere down the line, somebody is gonna start feeling "beside themselves", and gone wanna get their chest all swoll and blowed up over nothing, and miscommunications are gonna result, and some heated words are gonna be exchanged, and you know where I'm going with this.

Sorry for the long comment, but you know how I am. Does Carmel really believe that you gone be so jealous of her and these other nigs that you gone drop what you doing and come running to her to kiss her feet and get back into her good graces?

Prophetess said...

Oh yeah: congrats on the VP job. I guess. From the way you sound, you don't really want the job. But I know you'll do good in it.

Nika Laqui said...

She sounds like a whirlwind of trouble and frustration....the head ain't that good is it? Or is head that scarce?...*lol*

How old is this broad to where she getting all hyped about a dude, his car and his rims? 18? That right there turned me off about her the most....

*lol* At your real "frat business"...*lol*

Chubby Chocolate said...

I think she did that on purpose to get you to show some emotion twowards her. We've done it a time or two before. But good that you're using to your advantage to finally cut her off. Now if you can only keep little big Zed in your pants when your horny-spell and her phone call crosses paths... :-)

the prisoner's wife said...


what is wrong w/ this girl? (praying she isn't one of my sorors lol).

& why would she want to see you w/ some other dude? and why would dude drive her to the barber shop?

everybody involved just seems a little off. this is crazy.

A.u.n.t. Jackie said...

Crazy is as crazy does! See what happens when you ignore your first mind and opt to ride the crazy train?

You gave her just enough of what she needed to remind you that she's the same old crazy broad that you have to love and love to hate...

whew, I'm glad I'm not a man, ya'll got complications!

Sangindiva said...

Dang Zeddie-
I hope you are fed up enough to finally leave this crazy bitch alone!! :)
Karma's a bitch ain't it? Frat business!! hahaha!

Knockout Zed said...

It was a blatant attempt to make me jealous. She's tried it before and it didn't work. It's pissing her off. Just like it's pissed off every other woman I've been with, including my ex-wife. I don't get jealous, I get new pussy.

You got my point exactly! I don't have a problem with her baby daddy, he's got a problem with me. That's why the less he knows about me the better. I don't think she's so stupid that she doesn't get it.

Frat business is going to really interfere with my chronic masterbation and television watching.

She was trying to upset me by jockin' his grip. That's the reason she HAD to come to the barber shop.

I think part of the issue is she comes from a small town, smaller than Satan's Anus. She's a fuckin' hick and I guess because I'm "square" she thinks I haven't seen the game or know the game. The hood is fuckin' masterful teacher. She just don't know.

I'll never show emotion to her or any other chick I'm just fuckin'. She's delusional if she thinks otherwise.

@The Prisoner's Wife
You haven't thought anything that I haven't already thought. Everybody seems slightly off or mildly retarded.

I'm not going to put her sorority out there (just like I'm not putting my frat out there). They don't need this bad apple representing.

@Miss Ahmad
Miss Ahmad, I'm so lonely here! I'm not joking. I'm lonely as fuck. I would have never gave her any run if I was still in Detroit. I don't have a lot of options here.

You see how frat business got me back? I'm done with her. Who's sure if she's done with me though.


nikki said...

dude, you must hang out with these broads so you have something to write about. for real. LOL

i hope you able to really cut her ass loose. the purposefully manipulative move of bringing that cat around was just amateur. i mean, elementary school amateur. at least find you a chick who's less obvious with her shit.

lyre said...

I now am reminded why my only pledge was to get out of school.

Mr.Slish said...

Sounds like you have drama on your side of town too. Games people gotta play huh

Carmel won't go away you know that right. Maybe you should try stalking

EqualOpportunityCrush said...

damn african, you need to stop fuckin' around with this bum bitch. you're going to end up in some unanticipated and unnecessary drama. Find another bitch to replace her.

lol @ you having ACTUAL frat business to do now.

Anonymous said...

dang zed...sounds like chic got ALL her fries missing from her happy meal...That spells potential tire-slasher/stalker/cruise-by-the-house-all-times-of-night candidate. And don't just ASSUME that she is gonna bounce, nah man you gonna have to tell her to quit calling. *smh* Mayne I understand about being lonely but don't let the lonely make you hook up with a psycho.

Little Brown Girl said...

Yup, I'm waiting for all these tricks to run their course. When they do, when you get tired of foolin around with these hoes...then I'll be right here waiting on you. Just let me know when you ready *smile*

Seriously, I peeped this broads game a long time ago. She's a simple azz and simple azzes do dumb shyt. I'm so mad that her hillbilly azz expected you to be jockin some other dudes whip like she fukkin serious? Yeah, I am hoping your done with this one cause quite frankly her tired azz ain't even worth the effort of unzipping your pants...She's Wack!!!

I'm almost afraid to ask what Sorority she belongs too...but I guess there's a shyt for brains in every one.

You'll do well as already have the art of delegation down. Come up with a great idea and have someone else execute the shyt. That's what I would do LOL!! Well that worked in undergrad when you had a bunch of eager to please Neo's...maybe not so much now.

Knockout Zed said...

I'm telling you I've been abstaining from all contact. It's tough leaving a big Black city with lots of friends and lots of "friends" then coming to this little shithole. It's like sensory depravation. When you try to make do you realize you're not in "Kansas" anymore. These muthafuckas are crazy.

In retrospect, that would have been a good plan.

She'd probably cum on herself if she thought I was stalking her. She courts drama.

I don't think I need a replacement, I need to find another hobby.

Maybe this frat business will be good for me.

Trust me, the psycho aspect reared its head a little late in the game. I get it now. Don't go for the back walls when the side walls will do.


Blah Blah Blah said...

Poor Zeddy...
Don't let that chick go...che sure as hell ain't gonna let YOU go. Keep being an ass and I guaruntee she is gonna come after you harder.

You ain't got shit to lose. Fuck it AND her. All we got is time on this earth...and livin' in the got more time on your hands than I might as well fuck what you can and make your money until your 2 years are up.

Knockout Zed said...

The old cats in the frat are looking to kill the new blood with work. I see it coming.

On the Carmel front, her sorority is insignificant. I won't put it out there 'cuz they'd get the undue scrutiny. It's not the org, it's the woman.

She's killin' me with the level of bullshit she brings to the game. I'm old!!! I can't play this way anymore.

@Blah Blah Blah
I'm waiting for the these glacier paced two years to fly by. I've got 14 months to go. I might as well bone her ugly homegirl from the furniture store that I told you about so I can get me a couch for cheap!


Anonymous said...

all i can do is agree with everyone else. chic is trying to play you cheap. i hope you have decided to let her loose. but my male friends tell me crazy pussy is the hardest to let go of...

chele said...

That is one low-budget heffa. Too many games ... I just wouldn't have the patience.

Honest said...

Freaking hilarious!

Dude I hate when people are so disorganized that they can't themselves together and to be on time to shyt. We're all adults. I've had friends tell me that their lateness wasn't about me and that they didn't do it on purpose. The way I look at it it was about me because they were supposed to be me. Being late says, Fuck you and I don't care about your time you should be glad I'm making time for your ass. Fuckers...sorry to blog about my pet peeve in your comments section.

i like liquor and tv said...

I also hate scatterbrains. People who don't do what they say they're going to do. My absolute pet peeve is people who ask you for a ride somewhere, and they're not sure how to get there, and they don't let you know til yall are in the car. I have left people at places for that.

lol@you trying to get her back. She's so off, she didn't even realize it.

A.u.n.t. Jackie said...

KZ if you are so bored I suggest you look into someone who might have some frequent flier miles or try importing some good company because this chic sounds like the pits!

my all time stalker if from satans anus, i wonder if its something in the water, or is it just that folks really wanna get the hell out of there?

Knockout Zed said...

Crazy pussy is the absolute best. I can't explain it, it's just taboo and nasty!

My patience is officially at zero.

Malcolm X said that he didn't respect a muthafucka without a watch, and time was a valuable commodity. It's like a smack in the face when we AGREE to meet at an AGREED UPON time, any a muthafucka is late. That's the worst.

@Liquor and TV
For our first date she was 50 minutes late. Kept calling to let me know "I'll be there in a minute". I shoulda known better.

@Miss Ahmad
I gotta explore those options more often. This shit is for the pigeons.


TRUTHZ said...

KZ: you know they say birds of a feather flock correct me if i'm wrg, hasn't all your lays been crazy???? and now you have messed up cuz she knows where you get your haircut... you done helped a potential stalker out.

Anonymous said...

I totally agree with chubby chocolate...she wanted attention. And on that note:


Besides, how you tolerate a woman who wants to talk on the phone eight or nine times a day??

Ming Houser, Realtor said...

That's what you get...LOL!

Phoenix said...

Yo just say no to Carmel - think of her as the quickest way to dick problems that you don't need. lol

Superstar Nic said...

Hey KZ!

Uhm sounds like old girl is one sandwich short of a picnic basket.

Take it easy my sweet!

Knockout Zed said...

Since I'm not tied to any one barber and my haircut is easy (I got locs!) I can move around pretty swiftly.

You got a point about the chicks I'm hittin'. It could be what I attract, but it's almost certainly an offshoot of location. The women I was seeing didn't seem to be so crazy when I lived in Detroit.

She sent me a follow up text yesterday. It read "Go find yourself another fuck buddy".

I miss her so much right now.

Frat(or Sorority) Karma is a bitch! But it won't stop me from claiming Frat Business, now more than ever.

I keep stackin' female problems. Every other aspect of my life runs smoothly.

What's up mama? I would accuse you of hiding, but Comcast be givin' me the flux, too! My internet service at home sux.


Robert L. Mack said...

I think my "crush" on Carmel has officially ended....Now I understand why you've been trying to leave her alone. Something aint all there. In the past I would overlook that in women just so I could continue to get what I want, but now that I'm getting older I need to have my "silly chick" radar up a lot faster to avoid these types of situations. Why in the hell would I (you) care that you came up here to show off a car that YOU (carmel) don't even own. That's what we used to call, back when I was in HS, a "motorhead". LOL. I haven't used that word in a minute.

Supa said...

Oh, the drama in Satan's Anus...

ChezNiki said...

Wait! So you STILL dont have a couch?!?!?!? LOL

Knockout Zed said...

I don't even think she's that impressed with his grip, she was trying to make me jealous. She needs a cat to act out to make her feel valued. I never made her feel valued.

That's an understatement.

No, I still do not have a couch. It helps me feel like a temporary resident. I don't have a dining room table either.


Anonymous said...

"I look at the driver and it's some cat with a ball cap on, straight bill, and an oversized polo shirt on. You know, a jackass."

That is some funny shit!! HA, HA.

When you first wrote that you went off because she was talking to the jackass about you, and he was friends w/her baby daddy, in my mind, I was like, "Damn, he's kinda tripping." And then you were like, "I knew it wasn't a big deal, but this was my out." Damn, dumb ass Carmel is the only one who didn't catch on.