Thursday, May 04, 2006

Love Me Or Leave Me Alone

So I'm driving in Satan's Anus, right? Just driving aimlessly, as I'm liable to do when I'm bored, and I get stopped at a traffic light. I'm listening to hip hop at an excessively loud level and so is this cat next to me. I hear strains of his music and I turn my radio down. It's "Love Me or Leave Me Alone" by Brand Nubian (sans Grand Puba). I look at this cat and he had to be in his early twenties. I wanna yell "Dude, what you know about Brand Nubian in their heyday?" That's me and hip hop, though. As standoffish and anti-social as I am, I'll talk to anybody about hip hop.

So I keep driving through the "Black" parts of this little town 'cuz it's hot and chicks in Michigan will undress at the drop of a hat for a little warm weather. I wanna see some goods out from under winter garments. My phone keeps ringing. I look at it and put it down. One after another, the Detroit brigade keeps blowin' my shit up. Pretty soon, Satan's Anus gets into the act. Batshit, E.T., Carmel. The Endomorph doesn't call, which doesn't surprise me. She's bound to be getting the attention she wants from somewhere else.

Well because I didn't take my own best advice from my last post, I called Carmel back. I needed a pick me up, something quick. She's horny. "I miss you. You never come see me." This is the same broad that called me to cuss me out and tell me she was bonin' baby daddy again. But I didn't let that information cloud my judgement. I was trying to get some of that patented Head (U.S. patent #34894, Carmel).

"I can only come through for a minute. I got a ton of work to do. My boss will be out for the next four weeks and I gotta pick up the slack." She was silent for a minute, then the words came quickly. "Zed, you need to treat me right or just don't talk to me. I don't like this." "Hey, I gotta do what I gotta do. This is the life I've chosen." Ganked straight from Hyman Roth. "Well I don't wanna see you in a bunch of short visits. I want you to spend time with me." "Carmel, I can give you a lot of shit, but time is not one of 'em. I don't have time." I say as I casually drive through the hood. Her response is terse. "Well, you do what you have to do and so will I." "Alright. See ya around."

So I continue drivin' through the hood on some ol' Ichabod Crane shit. Headless.

Stay Cool,


Ming Houser, Realtor said...

Man, I'm the first one to post!

It B's like that sometimes. Hopefully, she'll get the drift and keep it moving. What's up with low self-esteem having women?!

chele said...

There was a Godfather marathon on all weekend ... loved it.

Zed, you're my brother and I love you (Michael Corleone) but what kind of spell are you casting on these chicks? I only have to be told once that I'm a booty call before I take my leave. This chick just keeps calling and calling and calling. I guess she doesn't know that even with a patent you can't change a man.

Mr.Slish said...

Maaan! Your mouth just be talking you out of some pussy. Why you tell her you couldn't stay before you got the pussy..GET THE PUSSY FIRST then say " Ummm sweetie I have a lot of shit to take care of. Do you mind if I cut out early. If she got mad so what you already got the

Slasher has left the building

Anonymous said...

what's wrong with you these days? Are you growing up?

the prisoner's wife said...

lol@the Hyman Roth quote.

the Godfathers (1&2) are some of my favorite flix.

lol@everybody's responses. i'd have to agree w/ Chele...where do you find these women??!

Knockout Zed said...

I don't know if it's low self esteem. It might be something else. Such as...

The spell I'm casting is one part charm, one part illusion of availability, one part length, and one part girth.

Nothing beats the Godfather. Nothing! I watch it everytime it's on, faithfully.

I know the rules, but sometimes I try to do a pre-emptive strike so I don't even have to have the conversation afterwards. Plus, I'm a horrible liar face to face. Horrible.

A you a woman? 'Cuz if so, kudos on the football knowledge.

I'm not growing up, I'm trying to see how much shit I can get away with. Whatever they let me do, I'm doing it.

@The Prisoner's Wife
These women are everywhere. You just might know some. Dudes never tell their boys all the sucka shit they do with/for women. Women never tell their girls all the sucka shit they do for men. I think you might know some women like this.


nikki said...

LMAO@ichibod crane shit. I LOVE IT!

i'm with chele...what kind of broads you fucking? good lawd, it seems like you always end up with the needy ones.

it's like you've got a 'co-dependancy cock'. it has the ability to detect and hone in on insecure pussy everywhere.

Anonymous said...

Zed, I love ya, but as a woman, I gotta give it to the lovely Carmel.

I still love ya, tho!

Little Brown Girl said...

I'm glad that happened to you Zed...cause I don't FUKKIN LIKE THAT BROAD!!!

When will you learn, hunh? (don't answer that cause we been here before and I'm sure we'll be here again *rollin my eyes*)

The Stiltwalker said...

you is funaye. I need to step up my game.

Anonymous said...

Yes I am a woman that loves f/b, KZ. I don't understand why you are trying to see how much they will let you get away with. What if this all backfires? Anyway, I enjoy your blog b/c you are so candid and funny.

chele said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA @ 'co-dependancy cock'!!!!

lyre said...

I think i got the old brush off last night too! When I read this I was like...HEY! lightbulb came on...I think that is why I read you. it helps to keep my eyes open as to how men think about women..

i like liquor and tv said...


*sidenote* People be sleepin on them Grand Puba albums

Knockout Zed said...

If you think I'm just dealing with self esteem cases, I'm telling you you're wrong. I can't even begin to explain to you how this shit is done.

"That muthafucka Zed wouldn't be doing me like that" is the popular sentiment. I'm just the "Zed" you know. I'm one of thousands. Cats who would never talk about the way they manipulate, let alone write about it, are getting numbers daily.

You (and I don't mean you personally) could be fucking, right now, the "Zed" you DON'T know.

Carmel just wants to be held. And then fucked. And then fucked again. And then held. And then financially supported for the rest of her natural life.

I know better. The question is when will I do better!

Dating a dope dealer ain't that bad. All the ziploc bags you can use.

If this all backfires, I've had a good run.

You gotta love a woman that loves football.

The string is invisible. That's why it's so dangerous.

Some cats ain't happy with good women. I'm a case study on that shit.

What you've just read about is a cat that wants pussy on his own terms, even if it makes it more scarce to come by. Yeah, I'm stupid.



Knockout Zed said...

@Liquor and TV
Whatchu mean? I got "Reel To Reel" and "2000". Grand Puba Maxwell was/is the man!


Nika Laqui said...

"patented Head (U.S. patent #34894, Carmel). " That's too funny!!!

LOL @ Headless horseman...*lol*

i like liquor and tv said...

Oh I knew you wasn't sleepin Zed.

sj-the-infamous said...

Yanno, that is one fairytale that scares the hell outta me. I remember watching an animated movie about the headless horseman as a child that has scarred me for life. Never will you catch me watching or reading the Legend of Sleep Hollow, ha! I am a punk though...know this!

Anonymous said...

if you can walk away now, stay away. needy folk are the worst!

Supa said...

Damn. Carmel got her own head patent????!?!


Chubby Chocolate said...

What is it that you possess to make these African females in Satan's Anus go coo-coo?!

Honest said...

Once again your play on words is leaving me in stitches. Fucking Hilarious.

Anonymous said...

Know what Zed...there are a ton of women that go through the shit you putting these woman through DAILY...and probably some of the woman that talk that "I wish a NI99A would..." or saying the woman YOU mess with are some unnatural chicks...yet, (I can't guarentee this but), most of us have liked someone more than they've liked us and we have put outselves out there unneccessarily because that's where we "were". Broads that talk down about the next chick and how she "would've" acted if she were in her shoes...those are the main ones getting played. Granted you aren't playin' your chicks because you let them know....

@ godbabymama: You had the realest comment on here. Not to say that ANY of the fair woman who commented have never had a heart or didn't care for someone....just that, your shit speaks truth. Everyone else seems to think only needy, wanting, insecure women reside in Satan's Anus.......

Robert L. Mack said...

That damn Carmel....I aint gonna lie, I got an underlying crush on her, from how you explain her. Yeah I know, sounds crazy as hell. I think I would have "lamed" out and held her. And fucked her. And held her. And fucked her. And...........

Nika Laqui said...

At least RobMack is honest...*lol*

What man you know gone tell everybody they lamed out over a chic?


Knockout Zed said...

You just need companionship when you're watching it. Yeah, that's it. "Companionship".

I can handle the needy, "believe me sweetie..."

There are always patents given for complimentary "products". But, yes, she got the muthafuckin' patent on American Head.

Coco Puffs. Need more information?

Have you posted again yet? I miss yo' ass!

@Me (yes, you!)
I think it's fun to believe that I've just run across some bubble-headed women with low self-esteem. What I'm doing here is the same thing I've done with women every where I go in all walks of life. Deception is fucked up, but basically that's what I'm doing. I'm sending mixed signals. We just fuckin', but I'm holding you when we sleep. We just fuckin', but I'm calling you telling you I'm thinking about you and making plans to do shit.

I think it's a mistake to feel superior to the women I talk about. They range in looks from very pretty to extremely pretty. They all have at least Bachelor's degrees. They could be your friends.

Thanks for helping to point that out.

Carmel got the prettiest smile and the sweetest disposition on a woman you'd ever want to see. She's just got baggage. We all do.

Brothas never tell those stories. The hardest, coolest, or livest cat you know has acted "out of character" over a chick.


Robert L. Mack said...

@KZ and Nsane
The sad part is i'm serious.....I think what got me was the way KZ decribed how she came in and what she had on that day she came to the office....I got a picture in my mind of the chick from "Scary Movie" Regina Hall when she was in Malibu's most know, ghetto yet sexy at the same time....I change up so often...I got a weird attraction to girls that are ghetto but are really attractive...that being said, if I would have been with her a few times, I probably would act cavalier towards her as well. That's how men are, what can I say?

Anonymous said...

She probably called the next man and got some head an hour after yall hung up.

I dont know either one of you. But the whiny "I never see you" call may be an act she puts on to ensure regular and on-time knookie...such a call has probably worked on you successfully in the past.

You assume she has low self esteem, but if she ultimately gets what she wants, who's really playing who?

...just a thought

A.u.n.t. Jackie said...

testosterone must be one helluva drug!

I wish I could be a man, just to see where these thoughts come from. I promise I'll never ever understand men...we are clearly two different species.

Make the most of D-Town though Zed then perhaps consider getting the hell up out of there, I hear the weather is better, just about everywhere else!

I did have one fine meal in Detroit last time I was there...I think it was called the Snake Club or something like that, kinda on the water...i dunno it was a great meal and that's about all I saw of the city!

Phoenix said...

Yo the comment got me LMAO. Zed what was it you had to do - some frat issh? lol

Nika Laqui said...

That ain't right yo! You leaving us for the fourth time?

Sangindiva said...

@ 'co-dependancy cock' *dead*

I think you should leave her alone-
she wants more than you want to give her.
That's immediiate grounds for dismissal!

Clay said...

wow - i havent heard that brand nubian song in years!

Supa said...

uh, we need a new post, African.

You betta not be out there layin' up in Caramel's snatch. Like, yeah.

Honest said...

Zed -- ?donde esta? I know I shouldn't talk but you've gotta post man. Post about the lint in your navel, how you watch the grass grow in Satan's anus..anything.....

Hyps said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
TRUTHZ said...

lmbo so it really is getting hard out there for a pimp!!!