Friday, November 03, 2006


"Homicide wanna meet you."

I hardly ever reminiscence on the blog, but I gotta write this down 'cuz it just hit me like a ton of bricks.

Back in '87 I was a freshman in college. I was young, newly de-virginized, and highly corrupted, but all in all, still a really nice boy. I had a lot of female friends in my dorm. Little did I know at the time that all of them wanted to fuck me. I couldn't see the signs, but one by one, they let me know by my sophomore year.

Anyway, one of my friends was this girl from Detroit named Rosalyn. Rosalyn was beautiful, a short, large breasted, flashy dressing, gold digging hoodrat (in the parlance of the era she would have been called a "Sackchaser" or a "Mica Babe") . She had a little beef with the girl I lost my virginity with. They lived next door to one another. "Texas" hated that Rosalyn was always in my room and Rosalyn hated Texas' clingy ways. Rosalyn used to spend the night with me on several occasions, saying her roommate was always entertaining. We slept in the same little twin bed, spooning. I never even tried to bone, it didn't occur to me that I could. I thought she was out of my league.

Rosalyn had a boyfriend back in the D nicknamed "Homicide". He was a drug dealer on the Westside. She showed me a gang of pictures of her and this dude. Had to be at least 50 pics, no smirk, no grin. Lots of money and guns. In every picture she looked like a million bucks, tax free. Dressed to the nines, big fuckin' smile. She'd go home every other weekend to see this murdering gangster muthafucka.

After one such weekend trip, she came to my room. She had a funny little look on her face. We talked about what she'd done when she was at home. And then, out of nowhere, she leaned in and kissed me. Long and deep.

I was stunned. I can't even say I was happy. My overwhelming emotion was surprise. "What did you do that for?" was the only response my feeble sixteen year old mind could come up with. She then said the one thing that I least wanted to hear in all my life, "Homicide wanna meet you."

Panic set in almost immediately. "Why Homicide wanna meet me? I didn't do nothin'! Awww, man! You just kissed me! I didn't do nothin'!" You could almost hear the onset of bubbleguts.

"I told him I wanted to break up with him. I'd been tellin' him about you the whole time. He just put two and two together."

"Two and two? You don't wanna be with me! How is that puttin' two and two together?"

"You're the only fool who doesn't know I wanna be with you. Everybody else knows better."

"So now he wanna meet me and I ain't even do nothin'. You tryin' to get me kilt!"

I never met Homicide, nor did I ever kick it with Rosalyn. All those emotions came rushing back to me today. I went to lunch and I saw this woman that looks like I imagine Rosalyn would look today.



Blah Blah Blah said...

This is me all the way around....isn't that what your saying Zed?

You and me was friends...but right now...we are officially DONE!

*talk to you this weekend*

Robert L. Mack said...

Zed you graduated HS at 16? Wow...

Yeah I'm willing to bet that Homicide figured yall was doing more than'm with you there, I wouldn't have met him either.

But how in the hell was you in the room with this chick all that time and never made a move?

I'm saying tho', you and Rosalyn's relationship just fizzed after that? Did you get back with big Texas?

1969 said...

I know your behind was shook. LOL

And that whole time you were just spooning? Too cute.

Knockout Zed said...


I'll be calling you.

Yeah, I graduated at 16 and had to beg my mother to let me go away to college. Biggest mistake of my life!

I never had sex with Rosalyn. She was beautiful and I had no self confidence.

I had just lost my virginity maybe a month before this happened. I had NO expectation of sex from women. None!

I was scared to be around her. I thought that dope dealin' maniac was coming up on campus with guns blazing.

Me and Texas hooked back up for awhile, then her boyfriend came to visit her from Arlington. That shut that shit down.


Knockout Zed said...

I can't remember being that scared for my life before or since.

All we did was spoon. I never thought anything else was possible. I was pretty naive when I first went to college.


onefromphilly said...

I've been caught in the crosshairs of an assasin a few times. Undergrad was filled with these situations. My best male friend's girl thought I was in love with him. She verbally attacked me in the cafeteria. My best study partner (DL) was secretly gay and had my boyfriend mad at me all the time because he thought that DL used studying as an excuse to be near me. HA!
My girfriend's man was trying to push up on my classmate right in front of my face, then dared me to tell. He said he would tell her that I wanted him and was lying to break them up. Fuk him, I told her! Damn, I never realized just how dangerous Undergrad was!!! LOL

Knockout Zed said...

In undergrad, I tried to tell 2 of my boys about their shady girlfriends. I ended two friendships just like that. I learned my lesson on that shit.

We got ourselves (and got pulled) into a lot of goofy situations in college, didn't we?


Anonymous said...

LOL!!! But I feel you...Homicide was given that name for a reason...I'da been shook with the BG's too!!

Knockout Zed said...

She used to talk about him a lot, the shit did for fun was insane. He was unhinged and shit. It wasn't just him, though. It was his whole crew I was scared of. I knew a lot of G's, but they didn't exactly have my back!


Mr.Slish said...

Lmaof...awwww man..I remember when I was trying to get back with my ex Poochie lee... She was going out with this Gangsta at the time. Homeboy threatned me in all kinds of ways but ofcourse love got the best of me and I had to have Poochie Lee. I got creative. Don't remember what I did but I got Poochie Lee back without a scratch.

Knockout Zed said...

Was that gangsta named "Homicide" and was Poochie as an eyewitness to 3 of his shootings? 'Cuz I'd had beef with thugs before, just not bonafide drug kingpins.

I was SHOOK. Scared than a muthafucka. I couldn't understand why would she tell a homicidal maniac about me. Playing that jealousy card is so fucked up.


Mr.Slish said...

She wanted you to save her...Probably figured Homicide would meet you and Say " This the nigga you want to leave me for! HAH" Shiiit i'm cutting you off for this. Ya dumb bitch! " Win

aquababie said...

i don't blame you for being a little scared. with a name like homicide, i would be freaked out too.

i got married in college, that had to be the dumbest move ever.

Honest said...

Ha! Homocide, I didn't realize college girls dated drug deals. Where have I been?!?!

Anonymous said...

Yeah. I don't think I'd be interested in meeting a guy who is affectionately known as "Homicide". Especially not after his girl told him she was leaving him for me. Good move on your part.

Miz JJ said...

I am so Canadian. A dude named Homicide? Seriously. Lol. The graduating early part was impressive. I was impressed that I graduated a semester early. Heh.

Isha said...

Funny, the first thing I picked up on out of that whole story was you graduated at 16! Impressive. I understand the pressure...I was at Mo' Brown at 17 and "A different World" was an understatement. But any way.

Bubble Guts...funy, that feeling when you know SOMETHING is going to happen, but you don't know what you imagaine ALL of the worst things possible.

Poor baby. prolly' messed you up for the rest of the year.

Cute story.

Knockout Zed said...

I was the wrong cat to to pick to save her. I was never a pussy, but I was far from a G. I never got to see it would have played out if I'd just met him.

I spent so much of college in conflict with some guy "back home" with an axe to grind, it was ridiculous.

One day I'll tell the story of the cat that actual came to my dorm strapped and ready to kill me.

Why oh why did you get married IN COLLEGE? All that damn maturity built up in ya!

I knew so many women at Michigan State that had their education financed by drug money. It was not an abnormal situation.

That cat would've murdered me and no one would have missed me.

The graduating early part was kinda weird. When girls found out I had trouble dating. And then I had high school women asking me to the prom. I refused, citing my college man status. I was a doofus.

I grew up around a lot of thugs and pseudo thugs with a lot of colorful names. "Homicide" was the best one I'd heard to that point. And quite effective.

Going to college at 16 after being the valedictorian of my high school sounds very impressive. Then you realize I graduated from college at 23 with a G.P.A. of 2.0, it gets much less impressive.

I really thought I was going to get shot at any minute. My year was ruined, but Rosalyn didn't come back for sophomore year.


Isha said...

Six year edumacation plan...huummm...Sounds interesting.

Now I wanna hear about the guy who came to kill you.

That's monday's post RIGHT?!?!?!

The Brown Blogger said...

Yeah, me too.

I know you whooped THAT guy's ass, and sent him home shook right?

(cause' ain't no such thing as halfway crooks)


(is this thing on?)

Knockout Zed said...

@Isha and Hassan
Long story short on that next dude:
I waited for him in the dorm lobby. I saw him pull up and I walked out front. He parked in front of my dorm with a gat, flashing a gat.

"What you gon' do shoot me? I still fucked her!"

He wasn't a G, just a cat with a gun. He drove off talking shit.


aquababie said...

i think we're all glad that cat drove off.

i know i was young. i was 21 and a junior in college. by the time i was 23 finishing my first year of grad school, it was all over. i might have felt mature, but i didn't become a woman until after my divorce.

Angel said...

DAG!!! i knew she was about to say that after she kissed your ass! that was her opportunity to make sure that what she was 'giving up" with "Homicide" was worth it. especially considering you had never tried anything with her. she couldn't really just risk calling it quits with her man if she was unsure about how it was gonna go down with you--thus, the "spontaneous kiss." i will tell you this, she definitely pulled that out of the "how to make your man wanna kill another man" handbook! ;-P

The Stiltwalker said...

'kilt' LMAO. I hear ya bruda.

Knockout Zed said...

I coulda made you a woman overnight.

I'm just glad to be alive. I'm not even joking. I've fucked around enough to be on the bad side of a buncha cats.

I thought that kiss was like the "kiss of death" after the fact.

Welcome back!!!


aquababie said...

i have no doubt! i can feel your manliness with each entry! LOL you are so silly!