Tuesday, December 05, 2006

The Day Is Made

I'm online trying to check out stuff to do next week on my business trip to New Orleans. I've been half-assing all day, doing crosswords and reading political articles and shit. My boss comes into my office. "Can I see you for a second?" He has a blank look on his face.

The Director is a funny dude. Unreadable in most cases. You know how it is when you've done a ton of shit wrong and you're not sure which thing it is you got caught doing? Is it all the long distance phone calls? Is it the internet time? Shit, is it the blog? I'm tensing up.

He begins. "I was just over at HR." He's speaking slowing and he pulls a sheet of paper from a manila envelope. I'm sitting there like "FUCK!!! Online log!" I'm trying to look cool.

"It seems that when you were hired, HR made a mistake." Yeah, I lied a lot on my resume. And yeah, I was convicted of getting head in a public park when I said I hadn't had a felony OR misdemeanor conviction. Which thing am I getting busted for?

"HR forgot to figure in the three years of supervisory experience you had prior to your stint at the City of Detroit when they made you an offer. The City of Satan's Anus has been underpaying you."

I laughed. "Really?" I replied. Underpaying me for blogging? Surfing? Calling my friends?

He said "You just got yourself a $4,000 raise in time for Christmas. Congratulations!"

Today I'm smiling.



Nexgrl said...

That's the best kind of news. See, you got yourself all worked up for nothing.

Blah Blah Blah said...

...you suck!

When I called you last week with the news of my raise... you hemmed and haw'd....


Congratulations dude! Umm, New Orleans you say?

Miz JJ said...

Well, aren't you just shitting out horseshoes. Have fun with your windfall.

Knockout Zed said...

I know. I'm a chronic worrier. I can't help it.

I've never gotten a raise like you got. Ever.

Yeah, I'll be in N.O. next week. C'mon down if you can.

@Miz JJ
Shittin' horseshoes is painful!

It's a beautiful day.


ChezNiki said...

CONGRATULATIONS! Im looking into my crystal ball and predicting some Power Shopping in your near future. Remember, I take nine and a half shoe and I luv any type of chocolate bubblebath...LOL

Wonder why the Director was looking so serious when he called you in? He was probably thinking, "I dont wanna give this Black dude a raise, but if I dont and he finds out he was due $4K extra..."


Knockout Zed said...

Unexpected loot is always the best! Chocolate bubble bath, hunh?

He's always got a serious look on his face, even when he's joking. But when you've got a guilty assed conscience, it all looks like trouble!

BZ said...

No sh*t?!? Retro?? Glad there's something to brighten your day. Congratulations!

Knockout Zed said...

No damn retro! But hell, it's better than nothing.


i like liquor and tv said...

can i borrow a dolla?

Ming Houser, Realtor said...

Well I'll be Gotdamn!

See that's how you know you're in management...getting paid for doing nothing!

Good for you!!!

sj-the-infamous said...

Oh that's good shit!

Dude...lemme know what the NOLA is like. I'ma be there for New Years.

Knockout Zed said...

@L and TV
What happened to that other dollar I gave you?

That's the power of positive thinking.

I'll let you know how it's recovering.


The Brown Blogger said...

A brother, there's this place up here in the Chi that has these beautiful...

fuck it

Can I borrow five dollars?

Sheletha said...

congrats man...i want an ipod for christmas

chele said...

head in a public park?

congrats ... on the raise too.

onefromphilly said...


Knockout Zed said...

$5? L and TV only asked for $1.


Not my proudest moment. Not by a longshot.

That shit was sooo cool!


A.u.n.t. Jackie said...

umm can i take some request from new orleans?

i'd like some down home Juju so i can be a baller like you!

Looks like your holiday season is looking up!

Mistletoe and Money who could ask for more??

Dee said...

I don't believe you!
That just ain't fair.

BZ said...

True that, luv!

1InTheSame said...

I get paid to read blogs...just haven't gotten my raise yet...Congrats !!

Mr.Slish said...

Hahahahaha..Ummmmm Can I get ten dollars..

Nika Laqui said...

I'm smiling too...

Honest said...

Congratulations! Don't spend it all in one place...spread the wealth among your blog fans.

aquababie said...

aww dayum...congrats!

now send me some money :)

La Diva Latina said...

Well, well welllll...Very nice. Congrats! Any job openings at your spot? I could handle getting paid to do what you do..*shakin head* I'm in the wrong line of work...LOL
Quick! Kiss me for luck, I need $$in my NEAR future.
Hope you have a good tr.ip

Angel said...


negro claus strikes the people in hooterville (or at least the people who wish they were there)...congratulations zeddy ruxpin! :-)

Knockout Zed said...

@Miss Ahmad
As long as you don't want "spaghetti" fixin's, I'm cool.

It's sad, but true. I admit I'm unworthy.

I'll just write more blogs so it feels like I'm getting retro.


I need to borrow money from you to afford this Satan's Anus lifestyle.

@Nika Boo
I bet it's for a different reason...

Imma buy me a big white fur hat, like the one Nas was wearing in the "Hate Me Now" video.

Send me some coochie.

Gotdamn, Canada is beautiful!

Every opening here I'm trying frantically to fill it (hehehe). You're welcome to put your app in.

I look for reasons to complain and can't find one. Amazing.


aquababie said...

well you are gonna be in new orleans... LOL

let me stop!

Little Brown Girl said...

Missed this post...*ehem* if I marry you do I get half???????

Knockout Zed said...

You betta cut that out!

I was working for free, so $4000 is my total salary. You thought I was ballin'?


Newy said...