Monday, December 04, 2006

When The Pot Boils Over

So I'm at the crib on Saturday and I get a call reminding me that it's Karen's birthday party. Karen is one of the women from the group that keeps me sane here in SA. She's been nothing but cool so I'm definitely gonna make the gig. One problem: It's at the Vice Mayor's crib.

I picked up one of the other women from the group that lives near me and we go to the little get together. It's very small, only seven of us in total. We lost one member that moved away. I'm in the living room and I hear a shout from the kitchen. It's the Vice Mayor. "Come on back here and say 'what's up'!" To quote my friends from Mobb Deep, "the bitch called, my blood curdled".

I walked back there, warily. "What up, dude." I said it just that flat. He's consistent in his soft ass ways, trying to give me a hug. Not a man hug, mind you, the one armed thing we do, but a bitch hug. I used to give him the benefit of the doubt for being a corny ass, now I just give him the benefit of liking dick. I do what I always do, pat that cat on the back and stay clear. Who the fuck wants to give a man a "dick touching" hug?

I immediately start drinking, reminding myself that Karen wanted me to be there. So somehow, as the night moves forward, I become the center of attention. I'm the guy that is regularly a "no-show" because of something else I have going on, frat business or "frat business" or something. They start talking about my abysmal dating record and I tell them Slish's favorite story.

They're having a good ol' time at my expense when the VM says "See that's what happens when you start chasing these women." He's steadily piling up evidence that he's a dick-monger. I think it was a combination of the alcohol and the comment that made me snap.

"Muthafucka, why'd you throw me under the bus?" "Hunh?" "This fuckin' report I gotta do for the muthafuckin' city council and shit. It was your doing. That's was fucked up shit. Why the fuck didn't you just call me and ask me for the information. Why the fuck did you ask my boss for it? You shitted on my fuckin' weekend is what you did!"

Everybody in the room is quiet and looking at me. I'm looking at each of 'em then I look back at the VM, who's now actively trying to laugh it off. "Man, it's no big deal. Don't sweat it."

"Oh, I ain't sweatin' it. Y'all will get what you get." I tossed back the rest of my drink and went for more. I knew I'd tore my ass on this one, but I was gonna enjoy the weekend, regardless.

Be Easy,


Newy said...

Drama...*slowly backs out of the post* Hope your week goes better than your weekend did...

BZ said...

DOH! *bug-eyed, zipped lips*

Dee said...

aww man.
well, you told him.
that's the last time he'll try to give you one of those hugs. I hope.

chele said...

ditto mznewagenda

Mr.Slish said...

"Now I just give him the benefit of liking dick" Yo lmaof...That is the funniest shit I have heard in a minute...Whew!

As for me i'm fine or at least I will be .I'm gonna call you on your cell hmmm about 2pm so look out for the call...

Blah Blah Blah said... that the whole story Zed? Or just the part about the VM?

I want you to tell us you got sloppy ass drunk and wild out on the VM and then snatched every broad up in dat spot!
...oh? that didn't happen?...ok...then I like this version then.

Miz JJ said...

"Who the fuck wants to give a man a "dick touching" hug?"
Lol. At least there was booze at the party.

ChezNiki said...


That was fantastic! In wine there is truth!


Knockout Zed said...

It won't be good until this shit is over tonight.

Yeah, I kinda screwed the pooch.

I hope so!

Nice ditto. You sick of writin', ain't ya?

You gotta call me before 2 or after 3:30. I'll be in a meeting.

What you wearin'?

@Miz JJ
Dude is a part owner of a liquor store. Liquor was abundant.


Knockout Zed said...

I shouldn't have done it, but what's done is done.


Rashan Jamal said...

LMAO @ dick touching hug...

I taught my nephew the man hug when he was 7. Didn't want him growing up thinking it was okay to wrap his arms around another dude.

You was wildin' out on old boy!

Ming Houser, Realtor said...


A.u.n.t. Jackie said...

nothing like wildin' out on your work folks at a social function, can't wait to see how awesome your holiday engagements are!

cheers from vegas!!

onefromphilly said...

Oh shit!! VM won't try to retaliate will he? I love those moments that bring SILENCE to the room. LOL

"dick touching hug" not that's funny!

Little Brown Girl said...


Angie said...

I love it when folks get lifted and say all the shit people want to say but don't. Then there's the silence, crickets chirping, the sun rising and setting - that's usually when I start lauging and can't stop.

Eff him if he can't take a joke!

Knockout Zed said...

This cat tried to clown me about mackin' on chicks. Not my choices, mind you, but tryin' to get on. That was some ol' bitch shit. That's why I lost it.

And yeah, he's always trying to "dick touch hug" men. What part of the game is that?


@Miss Ahmad
Thanks, baby.

We'll see tonight. I'll let you know.


This cat is real bitchlike. I might be in for it.


aquababie said...

you got that jungle juice in ya! LOL have you seen old dude today

A.u.n.t. Jackie said...

you should already be plotting whose gonna get it under the mistle toe...

and tell you boy that his hugs make you feel awkward and uncomfortable...

He'll like that...I'm sure!

The Stiltwalker said...

i'm going to start giving people the benefit of licking dick.

The Brown Blogger said...


(shakes head, chuckles)

Honest said...

Lawd a mercy! lol! dude likka and frustration will get folks every time.

1969 said...

DAYUM. What were you drinking? I need some of that!

Sheletha said...

flippin hilarious!!!! i hope everything went alright!!

Knockout Zed said...

All is well. I'm still alive.

@Miss Ahmad
Are you just fuckin' with me for fun?

You got that problem in Georgia too I see.

You playin' Blog D'Angelo?

I should've known better.

Good ol' Grey Goose and cranberry.

Hey mama! Everything was great.


Ming Houser, Realtor said...

They say the Goose will make you Loose...LOL!