Real Shit That I Saw In Baltimore Yesterday

• More heroin addicts than I've even seen in a single place in my life.
  
• Open air sale of said heroin, by a gentleman that kept chanting the brand name of the dope.
• A manchild who spent the entirety of his time on public transit telling this chick how dope he was at working his program at Potbelly's.
  
• An Ethiopian cab driver using Garmin to get me to my destination.
• A municipal park bench, emblazoned with the motto "Baltimore - The Greatest City In America".
• A secretary in a professional office wearing a hoodie and Timbos.
  
• A black quasi-lumberjack wearing leather suspenders.

Peace,
KZ

The Process

I spent Friday on airplanes (four of 'em), in airports (four of 'em) on a several hour tour (three of 'em) of a city I may or may not want to have a hand in redeveloping, and an hour (just one of 'em) trying to explain my suitability for a job I'm probably not suitable for.

I was asked to be in Western Massachusetts for a face-to-face interview. This was after a phone interview that I completely bombed. Why did they want me to come to follow up that performance? I pretty much said "Fuck it" and went anyway. It's a free trip (they're reimbursing me for it) and I might like it.

My biggest impression was "Wow, there are a lot of Latinos here!" I didn't imagine that there would be such a big representation of Puerto Ricans out in the middle of nowhere. The second thought was "Shit they need a lot of help". I'm inherently lazy. It's the reason I write a blog instead of writing a book. Instant gratification over a long, drawn out process. That's what I like.

So after the first part of the tour, I ate lunch with my potential staff, the department heads that would be below me. I'd like to take this time to once again thank Ba.rack O.ba.ma, without whom the thought of me being their boss would be unbearable to most of them. I won't be their boss, but at least they would not get ill at the thought of it. I was my usual charming self, which means I once again fronted like I enjoy other people, and I got through lunch OK.

I finished up the tour of the city, and I was off to meet the mayor. He was decent dude, but I think somebody forgot to give him the memo about the phone interview. He asked me what I'd do to turn shit around and I told him it wasn't up to me to turn shit around. I'm a gotdamn facilitator. You tell me what to do, and I'll get it done. That's what I've always done, figure out how to implement someone else's vision. He beat the shit out of that dead horse, while I kept giving him answers he didn't want to hear. He thanked me for my time and had his aide take me to the airport.

Now I wait for the rejection letter and the reimbursement check.

KZ

You Don't Know Shit

This ungodly snow. This lake that people are so fond of is making my life unbearable. Lake effect snow? For real? There is no stopping. It's been snowing, intermittently heavy and light, since Saturday.

The sky is gray. Always. The sun only comes out when it's on its way down.

It's dark every morning as I drive to work and every evening as I drive home. And it keeps on snowing.

Every day at work a new staff person wants to re-negotiate his salary. If this was Detroit, I'd tell 'em they make what they make and if they don't like it, leave. But it's Satan's Anus. They are a softer people. You gotta Splenda-coat your "fuck you"s.

Today is still better than yesterday. And tomorrow will be even better.

Now if I could just hear from some prospective employers.

Stay Focused,
KZ

Focus/H.O.P.E.

I had the weirdest thing happen to me today. I applied for this gig in Maryland via email. Within the span of 30 minutes, I was on the phone being interviewed! Needless to say I was impressed with their interest.

The cost of living is off the chain, but the title and gig are quite similar to what I do. It would just be a promotion from Deputy Director to Director. I know I can do it, but the prospect of moving is giving me bubbleguts.

Speaking of which, I should be mindful of how thin these walls are. I've had so many interviews on my celly in my office, I oughta be ashamed of myself. I know these muthafuckas can hear me. Just like I can hear Shitty McNotwashhands, aka Gene , aka Mr. Asparagus BREAKING WIND FOUR TIMES EVERY HOUR in the office next door.

At this point I know I've checked out, it's just a matter of where I land, so I really don't give a fuck. I'm just focused on getting out.

Salut,
KZ

Originoo Gun Clappaz

"Deeply rooted from my Timbs to my dick above." -Smif and Wesson, Bucktown

I used to love home so much, but man, I don't know. I had an interview last week with this city in North Carolina. The dude asked me "Why should I hire you if you're looking for work after 23 months in Satan's Anus?" I didn't have a real answer. I told him I thought I could make an impact in their city, whereas my current community needs the help less. It didn't work, I'm sure, but I gave it a shot.

So home came calling, right? I got a call out of the blue from this dude at the City of Detroit asking if I thought about coming back. Now, I was waiting to hear from this org in Detroit to be their Executive Director, but now The City was calling. It was weird.

I talked to him about it, but I don't know if I'd go. They really didn't appreciate my skill set when I was there the first time. The guy that called holds the position my old boss did. He was in a different capacity when I was there. My old boss told me I didn't want to advance bad enough to get promoted. Translation: I didn't kiss her ass. So I left, and I'm here. He's gotta know if I come back, I got a list of people I must be superior to. It's not even negotiable.

But I have this nagging ass feeling that I don't wanna go back. I was there this weekend, and quite frankly, Africans are nuts. I go to the 'burbs all the time to see my chick, but I hardly go in the City. Muthafuckas are off the chain. A lot of shit came flooding back.

We were watching the news and shit seems so....violent. I never thought so, but damn, Detroit is dangerous, yo! An African will lose his life for nothin'. I think I was jaded to that fact, but I'm thinking if I come back and I'm staying, trying to raise seeds in the future...I just don't know.


It's on my mind and shit. I'm just saying...

Peace,
KZ

The Choice Is Yours

I'm really job hunting now. I got two interviews coming up in the next two weeks, one in Detroit, the other in North Carolina. Detroit was definitely out of the picture a few months ago, but shit, things change. So now, it's actually back on the list. Probably because there is a perfect job for me available with the perfect salary in a familiar circumstance.

I know what you're thinking, but stop thinking it. I'm not looking at the "D"for love. Money muthafuckin' talks. If anything, I love my hometown, and the chance to do something to help improve it. But man does not live on love alone. They are gonna have to grease my palms.

The North Carolina gig is cool, but I'd be kinda isoloted. I'd be close to my Uncle Zed, but is that really a bonus? I mean, I hate everybody, especially family, because they didn't earn shit. They just expect shit.

One thing's for sure, if I get offered both jobs, I'll know immediately which one to take. Whichever gig doesn't make my dick itch when I talk about it is the winner. No ifs, ands, or buts. My dick is smarter than my brain, and if it gets itchy, then that's a tell-tale sign that I shouldn't take the job. My dick has only been wrong once, and I think that's because I was wearing tweed underwear.

In the meantime, I'm still looking at everything east of the Mississippi and north of South Carolina. Here's to hoping I don't get an itchy dick.

Cheers,
KZ