Thursday, December 08, 2005

More Pet Piss

Maybe it's the location that sets me off...


but I stay pissed (remember, I get pissed not peeved) and this fucking blog is my only outlet. It's boring here and everything is magnified. On Saturday I turn 35 and if I have kids I'll be a senior citizen when I'm able to kick it with them on an adult level. So in no particular order, here's a grouchy old man venting about shit I can't stand:

Katherine Zednanreh
Kat, please give up my last name before you have a baby out of wedlock. People will believe that's my baby. We know that's not true, physically impossible. Give me my name back. And that ring I bought. I'll give you back the video tape I made.

Misplaced Latin Pride
My grandparents came from Cuba. My father's people. My (real) last name is of Spanish origin. I'm a nigga, plain and simple. Born and raised in Detroit amongst my people. I have no sense of unity with "Latinos". My father is even less down with "La Raza". The Latinos I know think I'm denying my heritage. Bullshit. Why should the descendants of slaves and indigeneous people take pride in speaking Spanish or having a Spanish surname? Them niggas conquered our people. That's the equivalent of a nigga taking extra pride in how big his slave master's house was. That shit is sad. Be proud of the shared experiences and the cultural outgrowth of the oppression. Everything else from Spain I could piss on. Most "white" and mestizo latins fucking hate black latins, anyway.

Batshit
Hey, insane hoe, cut it out! You run down a list of shit you hate about me and then you beg (yes, beg) me to be your man. What the fuck is that? Your birthday was December 2nd. I didn't get you anything. No present. No card. Is that a hint? What the fuck do you think? "I'm fucking you until I find someone better." Am I speaking in codes? Leading you on? Maybe.

Misplaced Entitlement
Say nigga, if you don't mow your grass or pick trash up off the street you live on, why the fuck should you expect the city to? That's your property, right? Oh, you're just a renter. Well then, that excuses you from all the responsibilities of being a citizen respectful of your neighbors. It's cool to have that car up on blocks in your front yard for 2 or 3 years. What? You've lived in this house for 20 years and the roof leaks? What is the city going to do about it? Are you serious? You are. OK...ummm. Fuck you, hows about that? We don't owe you shit but police protection, water and schools, you fucking dickhead!

The Detroit Lions
Ehhh!

Birthday Celebrations
A few years ago a woman asked me what she should do for her man's birthday. I asked her "Do you love him?". She said yes. I said "Give him a hundred dollars in singles and let him go out with his boys. Tell him he is not allowed home before sunrise the next day." That chick went ballistic. I asked her what she was planning. She said she was going to take him to this expensive italian restaurant and then out dancing. "Does he like Italian?" She got offended again, "I like the place. He'll find something he likes there." "Is he a dancer?" "Not really, but we haven't been dancing in a long time." If you're serious about doing something for someone, be serious. If it's for you, wait til your birthday. Asshole.

"Bright Side" Fuckheads
"It could always be worse." Or it could be better. I could be reading your obituary.


All in all, things really are going pretty well in my life. Except the lack of vaginal variety. And the snow. And my upcoming birthday. And my dumb assed staff. Other than that, shit is just peachy.

Cocked and Loaded,
KZ

17 comments:

Blah Blah Blah said...

I see your on one today Zed...2 more years right? Then your outta there!!! Serve your time and try TRY to get into as much as you can...*wink*

Batshit..leading her on...maybe?...lol Naw, she's leading herself on...'cause those are some pretty loud and blatant clues your throwing her way.

HAPPY 35TH!!

Melle Mel said...

Happy B Day Zedster... Judging from the sign, you are definitely in Satan's Anus!

Yeah, I'm with Alli, there's some major clues you've been throwing out to Batshit - she's just not cathing them.

Insaneblackwoman said...

My poor, poor Zeddy Zed:
Don't worry about Batshit; I'm on my way to Satan's Anus to bring you some new kind of birthday twat! And just when you think you done had enuff, I'm-a put it on you again, and again, and again, and again. Yeah. And tell that skank, the ex Mrs. Zednanreh, to give your name back, so another deserving woman can have it. Try to cheer up - it's your birfday! And, since I'm home today, I'm-a do your little tag exercise - and since you tagged me, I'm definitely gonna punish yo' ass, hint, hint!

Anonymous said...

Zed, you've done it again. Nice post.

So where should I take my ex beau for his birthday. We didn't do anything last year due to lack of funds. I want to do something nice as a parting gift.

Should I accompany him to the strip club?

~ Eclectic Soul ~ said...

SMDH @ BATSHIT... IT IS WHAT IT IS. OBVIOUSLY, SHE LIKES BEING HAZED...

SMDH @ DOIN WHAT YOU WANNA DO FOR SOMEONE ELSE'S BIRFDAY...

KATHERINE NEEDS TO COME UP OFF THAT NAME... KEEP IT MOVIN!

HAPPY ALMOST BIRFDAY, ZEDDIE... HUGZ & KISSES WIF A COOCHIE COUPON FOR BUCK-WILD-NEKKID-BOOTY-BLESSIN-MAKE-YA-WAKE-UP-IN-A-CORNA-WIF-YA-THUMB-IN-YA-MOUF-BUST-A-THON GOOD FOR EVERY REST STOP FROM HERE TO SATAN'S ANUS!!! MAKE SURE NOT TO USE IT ALL AT ONCE, OK???!!

Disco said...

yeah I see it's just peachy...you Peach-munkee!!!

*wincing at the acidic-ness spewing forth off your blog*

Yeah, and come on in to this lovely age (the age that I am already...I shant speak it's numeral)

In the wordd of Howard Jones "things can only get better" :-)

LOL

proacTiff said...

Would you like a glass of pickle juice to wash it all down?

Cocky and unloading,

Pro'

Didi Roby said...

*Dee~Dee in her best Marilyn Monroe singing voice* "Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to...you. Happy birthday Mr...ZeddyBear...Happy birthday to you."

Batshit?....man!:)

brooklyn babe said...

See if I liked hanging out in an Anus, I would come chill with cha, on our Birthday weekend, but since I'm not in to booty like that... you are on your own BUDDY!!!

By the way what crawled in your anus and got you in that sour mood!
Lighten up buddy, it can only get better.

nikki said...

happy birthday you bitter bastid!

you know you can find some pussy if you really put your dick to it (or in it...)

Superstar Nic said...

Happy B-Day Zed!

I can't wait to hear about your birthday bash! Make sure it's good and nasty ..... Whoops! I forgot who I was talking to excuse me.

I look forward to it being good and nasty, lol

toneec42 said...

Happy Birthday, Zed! I know you'll find some woman to spend it in. Smootches!

Insaneblackwoman said...

I'm knocking on the door now.
Zed opens. I scream Happy Birthday, Zeddy Zed!! Under my fur, there's nothing but bare skin. You get the pic...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SAGGIE.

~ Eclectic Soul ~ said...

HAPPY BIRFDAY ZEDDIE... NOW COME'ERE SO I CAN INSPECT YOU FOR GRAY HAIRS... EVERYWHERE!

*HUGZ & KISSES*

DramaFree said...

Happy Birthday!!

TRUTHZ said...

lmbo... don't all men lead women on....cuz we know you ain't saying all that crazy stuff when you knee deep...

Anonymous said...

Satan's Anus...aww I miss the Zoo. oh well...happy birthday. *besos papi*