Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Safe At Home

Hey y'all. I'm back at work, sick as a friggin' dog. I got a cold this weekend and I'm feeling miserable. I'm writing 'cuz I owe y'all that, seeing as I built up what I was gonna do when I got home. The bottom line is this, I got laid but only once. I know y'all like "Hey African*! You said you wuz gonna bone all these women. What happened? Did you get dissed?" OK, nosy. I'll tell you what happened.

The first thing I did when I got back was go out for drinks with my platonic friend. I figured I'd catch the broads I 'd be bonin a little later. That was cool. We were in a new spot that had a good atmosphere. But she asked me something that I keep getting asked by people, "Do you ever smile?" She doesn't know this (well she does now), but that got me in a reflexive mood. What the fuck does make me happy? I mean, I'm outta the Anus, back home, and I'm about to rack up a body count comparable to Rambo. Happiness is relative. I wasn't really upset, I just don't smile a lot.

When she left, I called Fiona. Fiona was supposed to be last, but she got moved up because I changed my mind about Torina and Pinky, Lillie, Big Fun, and Tonya were all otherwise engaged. So Fiona came to my hotel room. And we fucked. A lot. In the middle of it she had to hop up. "I gotta go to the bathroom!" So she got up peed and came back. And we kept going. And going. And going. Then I came. And it happened.

A man's interest escapes from his body from his vans deferens. I came and I wanted her to leave so bad, you could feel it in the air. We're laying on the bed and hear this young African* and his broad walking past my room. "This African* is fuckin' the shit outta some bitch." His woman responds "I heard that shit! 'Oooh, I gotta go pee!' heheeheehee". Now I wanna curl up and evaporate. She starts licking my fingers, sucking my nipples and sucking my dick. Every molecule in my body is screaming "Leave me alone!". She continues. I start to think about the rest of my time in the city. It's gonna be like this every single day. I start out horny, I buss, then I hate the chick.

"Hold me!" she demands. "Stop touching me" I respond. "You wasn't saying that a little while ago." "Touche, African*, touche" This was around 1:30 am. She stayed until 5:00 am. I walked her to her car and sighed relief. There was no fuckin' way I was gonna spend the rest of my time home like this. I talked to Big Fun, Lillie, Tonya, and Shelly when I was at home, plus Daisy, a woman I hadn't mentioned before, just to touch base with them. Shelly and Daisy gave me carte blanche to come through whenever I felt like it.

I went over Pinky's house on Monday. She was wearing a silk robe with nothing underneath. I cracked her for the ass and she said she wanted to cuddle. I was pissed. Then I realized I just asked for the ass out of habit. I didn't wanna be stuck there with her silly ass all night, all obligated and shit. I was over there for a while and she started talking about us as a couple again. And I left. Women sure know how to get a man the fuck up outta their faces! Relationship talk is dick-kryptonite.

When I left on Tuesday, I felt confident that I'd gotten "Homesick fever" outta my system. I'll be OK in the Anus for a minute.


*I've found that you can offend more black people by calling them Africans than you can by calling them Niggas. Sad but true. Walk into a room and say "Hey Niggas!" you'll probably get a smattering of responses. Replace Niggas with Africans, cats will be like "Who you callin' an African." It's a funny little study in sociology.


Didi Roby said...

Awwww Zeddy...get well soon papi:)

I'll be reading over here so don't get up...I will be quite as I can possiblt be:)

*Dee~Dee reading all past posts I missed alot!*

The_Practitioner said...

Man you hit a lot of emotions, thoughts and feelings I've held for years. Especially with the "after I buss I realize that I didn't wanna be around the chick as much as I thought I did prior to bussin'". Some times I get in that mood, where I'm like we done you can go now (lol).

Relationship talk makes me wanna leave too. ;o)

brooklyn babe said...

Damn Boo. I would hug you but you'd only ask me to leave.
Like that deep closing thought, I had peep that African* reference from your first mention in your post.
Peace pappa.

Anonymous said...

I'm gone try that African bit. Thats some funny shit.

Hope you feel better Zed.

And sometimes I be feeling like that too, after a nigga bust, ummmm, can you leave now? We're done.....I have actually kicked guys out that I didn't really like, drunk, late as hell, I could give a fuck , GET OUT. I don't wanna lay up with yo ass.

Thanks for the tips on getting niggas, I mean Africans to

sj-the-infamous said...

*giggling out loud*....I was wondering about the "African*" in lieu of "Niggas". Funny enough, my lil sister is told she looks "Ethiopian," especially when she wears her hair curly. That fact alone is enough material for me to "fun" with, but when I really want to push her buttons I tell her she's looking a lil' "continental"...makes her mad and cracks ME the fluck up....

You know I live vicariously at the moment so feel better so we can get our sex on. does a body good! *giggle*

Insaneblackwoman said...

All 6 feet, 2 inches, and 250 lbs of that fine-ass, dime-ass nigga Zeddy Zed! So... you made it back. All safe and sound. You should be smiling, Papa Munkee, seeing as how you done bust a couple of them nuts... A mofo give me some 'gasms, and I'd be smiling like Celie when Sugar kissed her ass up in the room in Color Purple... You need some Vitamin C and chicken soup for that cold. Stay away from dairy products because they only exacerbate those miserable cold symptoms. Get well, okay? I'll be channeling my positive energies to you via the Net. Kiss, kiss! No, keep your kisses, I don't want your cold! LLOLOLOLOLOL!!

toneec42 said...

Zed, Zed, Zeddy... now this may be a problem if you can't get a simple buss without getting all irritable afterward. What you gon' do my friend? That's like your favorite pasttime - unattached, hot sex.

Anonymous said...

Doesn't it suck, to want something, to look forward to it and realize that in the's not really worth all the hassle...

Well, at least your dick got some non-Satans Anus ass...glad your broadening it's horizons. *smile*

...and to answer your comment...I didn't replace you, you never stepped up to the plate...NOW WHAT AFRICAN!!! LOL

Chubby Chocolate said...

At least you got some....If we should ever meet, I have to remember to the following:

Not shake your hand ("cause then you'd have to hit it")

Hug you (cause then you'd have to hit it")

Bone and want to cuddle (cause then you'd hate me)


Butterfly Jones said...

Best plans to get laid go to waste! Damn, and I was waiting to live vicariously through you! I guess virtual hugs are the safest *big hug and a tissue for your sniffles* you big bear.

twin said...

my spartan brother I sorry we missed each other in the D, but I know how you feel, had the same thing happen to me when I got back from training. That is why great minds think alike.

Superstar Nic said...

I hope that you are feeling better by now so that you can enjoy the weekend KZ.

Wishing you and yours a very happy and safe New Year!

TRUTHZ said...

hope you get wonder, what will you do the day Mr. Happy don't stand up? then you'll wish you committed to one of those lays...even if they do have to pee in the middle of getting busy