Monday, March 20, 2006

Head Games

We sat on floor in front of the coffee table, watching the Sopranos and eating Chinese food, Endo and I. Making small talk but ultimately just waiting. I could feel it.

After the Sopranos went off, we put in the DVD of "The Village". We're on the floor, trying to make do. I asked if she wanted to sit in THE CHAIR, the only place to sit in the living room. She said she did. It's a big chair and we both tried to fit. Ultimately, we found a way to make it work. She sat in between my legs.

She leaned back into my chest, alternately touching my hair and my arm. Endo rubbed the side of my left bicep. "What is that? A brand?" "Yeah" I responded. "I just kinda did it." "Did it hurt?" "Nah, not really." Macho bullshit. "I got one on my chest, too." "I guess I'll see that one later." "I guess you will."

We sit there for awhile and I start to kiss on her neck. Then I reach down under her shirt and start fondling titties through her bra. Her breathing speeds up. I unsnap the bra. Free titties! I'm feeling it, yo. I pull her shirt completely off and I lick her back. She starts to shudder. And reaches back for the dick. "Let's go upstairs" I say, calmly. She follows. Notorious and R. Kels are singing in my ear. I'm fuckin' her tonight.

One the bed, I'm sucking nipples. I go between the breasts and lick down to the navel. She's writhing. I get to the belt with my teeth, start unbuttoning and unzipping the pants. I'm pulling off skin tight jeans. And then...

"I don't wanna do it." Did she say "do it"? Really? Oh yeah, right. Twenty-four.

"I'm not saying you gotta do it. We'll stop when you wanna stop." "Well I don't really know how to..." "Know how to what?" She started slowly. "Well, if you do me, I won't know how to do you right." "Do what?" I ask. "Suck it" she says. "You don't know how to give head?" "I don't know how to do it right" she replies. "Is it cool if I talk you through it?" "You won't mind?" I'm laughing in my head, because I'm thinking about when I'm recounting this situation some time later how funny it will be. "No, I won't mind."

So no, I didn't fuck. But, yes, I was able to help a young lady with skills to make her future house a happy home. And I'll be around for more practice.

Always Happy To Help,


Anonymous said...

I'm a regular reader but I had to post this anonymously. I was in that same chick's position ... I wanted to do it right and I was not offended at all when the guy "talked me through it". I know he was happy as hell.

Disco said...

OH. MY. DAMN. I woulda NEEEEEEEEEEVA admitted to a dude that I couldn't suck dick! Me, when I didn't know how, I studied Porno's! I am just that type of person. When I was like 8, I wanted to know what sex was like, so instead of asking (God FORBID) my mother and since I didn't have any siblings that I was close to( at the time) I looked it up in an encyclopedia. I would neva, eva, NEVAAA let a nigga know that I was less than a "fully experienced" woman! And you have JUST proven my reason for doing that to be true. I was not gon be one of them girls who had stories told about the "chick who couldn't give head and was such-n-such years old!! ha ha!" I shant be the laughing stock! FUCK THAT!!! I KNEW nigga's would be doggin me/laughing at my ass if I had appeared to be "green" at that shit. So, I went above and BEYOND to appear to be as Heather Hunter-like as possible! LOL And as a matter of fact from the first to the last..... I've never had anything but GOOD things said about said abilities!

Glad I followed my instincts! LOL

Robert L. Mack said...

@ Zed and Robyn

I was just about to post about how one of my exes didn't know how so I made her watch some Jake Steed to learn. I didn't know that other people used that technique to get "a-head" either.

Hopefully she'll get as much practice on you as Allen Iverson kept saying the word "practice" in that press conference a few years back. LOL.

Chubby Chocolate said...

I do it all the time... keeps me from doing it:-)

Good on you though, Zeddy.

Knockout Zed said...

I'm trying to be as patient as I can, 'cuz the payoff is a muthafucka.

I've heard tales from across the land about you!!!

That's funny you should mention Iverson. I was gonna name this post "A.I.", but I didn't think women would get the reference.

Ay you! I had a dream about you the other day and I don't even know you. It was crazy. You're a bad girl.


Anonymous said...

Doesn't matter if you've been sucking dick a billion years or just once....if your not enthusiactis about putting a dick in your's always gonna be a scary moment.

.....and if you fell for that i don't know how to suck IT...then you ARE EZEE!!!

24...35....and you schooling her on givin' head?!!? She got game...maybe she doesn't know it...but she does! LMAO I think I used that same line when I was 24!!!!

Insaneblackwoman said...

Shiiiittt ! At 24? Nigga, please... At 24, I was sucking head and blowing fucking minds! Mofos used to get mad at me for leaving they goddamn asses because they were gonna MISS me something terrible! Maybe I'm just a fass ass, but hell, aint nothing to it but to just put the mofo in your mouth and go for what you know.

Yeah, Lil Miss Endo was playing games like a mofo! Talkin' 'bout (at 24) she don't know how to suck some dick. As long as you don't bite that mofo, you doing just fine. Hell, one of my baby sisters asked me one day to demonstrate how to do it. But we used a prop, tho.

Ladies: if the nigga is frowning, then you aint doing it right.If the mofo's eyes are rolled back in his head and his fingers are all tangled tight in your hair, then you right on the "ball", sister.

Listen at me: "ball". I'm so goddamned fass. I need a whooping. I'm thinking about sucking some dick RIGHT NOW! Sitting up in my office, thinking 'bout a big one... Let me get back to work...

DramaFree said...

Question: Were you able to teach her anything? lol

Insaneblackwoman said...

Ooh, Zed! I just thought up this rhyme... (and don't be stealing my shit, either! LOL!) This goes perfect for your situation...

Ladies: "If the nigga is frowning, then you must be clowning. If his eyes are rolled back, then you done laid down a mack."

LOL! Let me get back to this dick... I mean WORK!!! Okay, Zed, I know you wonder about me sometimes... I really must be two or three pennies short of 5 cents. Sometimes, I scare my own self. Watch it now, watch it now!!!!.... LOL. Now get back to work, yourself.

Anonymous said...

lol @ Miss InsaneBlack!
Girl, I like mocking Johnny Cochran too("If the glove don't fit, then you must aquit") but I do it lovingly, though. 'Cept in Zed's case, it should be:

"If the sucking aint right, then you must say goodnight." lol.

But I wanna know, Zed, did you give her some head, too? Was you screaming? Was she screaming? Was yall both screaming? Oh, I'm so damn nosy...

Disco said...

laughing @Insane & Naughti....

Ya'll some fools!! **high fivin' Insane**

I agree, if that bitch is saying she didn't know HOW, either #1, she was scared of the girth and size of ya shit or she was plain lyin.....

I thought about that after I posted and I was thinking tha SAME thang Insane said: "At 24, I was sucking head and blowing fucking minds......As long as you don't bite that mofo, you doing just fine".

Fuck dat.

She just didn't wanna do it. Unless she just got out da nunnery or was sequestered from boys/men until that age (and the way she was actin and talkin....that wasn't the dayum case) so....... yeah....we are all at the same conclusion.....

Honest said...

See and you thought you wouldn't have anything to talk about.

Knockout Zed said...

@ Y'all
I think I must not have written this down the right way. Make no mistake: I GOT HEAD LAST NIGHT. I just talked her through it.

Did I eat the pussy? I love eating pussy! You know I ate it. It was the funniest thing. When I finished she just kept kissing me and saying "Thank you". I'm a fuckin' Picasso when it comes to cunnilingus.


brooklyn babe said...

Who's Endo?
I'm not back reading.
Don't eva claim U lonely...
You got afterschool open and every thing! Lol

brooklyn babe said...

@ Living Single and Zed.

Make sure U answer this question (from Livin Single). That is the question... and moreso. What did you learn?

Anonymous said...

she duped you, smh

Mr.Slish said...


All I have to say is that you're a braaaave man. Cause they don't make bandaids for dicks...

Anonymous said...

for all you guys saying she should know how to suck a dick at the age of 24......what they hell are yall smokin, damn. Some people do get "around"

sj-the-infamous said...

I don't think I know who Endo is...I'ma hafta read up. This ish is hilarious....LMAO

nikki said...


i'm glad you could help a sista out. at least she had the courage to admit to her limitations. she's gonna be a great dome-slobber in the future.

Disco said...

and for the record I don't think that NOBODY misunderstood your post.


We were speaking on the fact that she "got'cho ass" in that she was "feinging HEAD ignorance". THAT'S what we're saying dawg.....

I betcha you didn't feel not NARRY a tooth on ya shit either. Classic sign NUMERO UNO that that how has had ENOUGH experience not to be claiming "Oh Big Daddy...teach me....." You need to hip her ass to this blog and let her read all these comments! LOL

Oh, no, on second thought, then she'd know ALLL ya shit and there'd be no no head "tuteledge" for ya.....forget that I eeeeven said it LMBAO!

Chubby Chocolate said...

HA! Bad? What did I do in your dream?! On second thought, I don't think I want to know...
I'm scarr-rred to know the dirty things your brain can stew up.

Supa said...

lmfao @ "free titties!"

oh LAWD Zeddie!

BTW - I see a do's/don'ts list on "KZ's Fellatio Tips" blog entry comin' on....

and Insane, Chubby, Robyn, Nikki: Ya'll funny as HELL

Knockout Zed said...

I don't care if she's sucked 800 dicks or 1. All I care about is the effort. That's the shit women don't understand about men. I didn't ask her if she was an experienced headswoman, she volunteered that. If she's feigning being naive, that's fine with me. I happen to love BAD GIRLS. She wouldn't know that, so she'll pay the innocent role, shit that most men eat up.

From my perspective, she might not be a REAL novice, but she don't know a lot.


chele said...

whether she knew or didn't know ... she knows now ... assuming you're a good teacher.

chele said...

oh yeah, no more sob stories about being lonely in satan's anus ... you get plenty of action.

Knockout Zed said...

Random shit:
If was to get boss head AND a hold of the 40DDs, that shit would spell t-r-o-u-b-l-muthafuckin-e.

Talking with our mouths full would have been rude!

I don't know if I taught her anything, but I'm finding my inner dog again.

I saw you updated your pics. More rack and ass, please!

I dreamt you were laying across my lap and I was talking to you. Just talking shit and we were laughing. It's funny. We were in my living room on a couch and I don't even fucking have a couch. I was just pulling your leg about the dirty part.

Post more often!

I love being duped like that!!!

She was no expert, trust me. I used to go with this girl who tried to fake inexperience (I think you know who I'm talking about). Gave me head like a muthafuckin' champ.

@Supa Sister
More pics, all the time. Please?

I'm still lonely. You volunteering to keep me company?


ChezNiki said...

I thought you were gonna buy a couch last weekend, Zed?

...did she swallow?

~ Eclectic Soul ~ said...

AWWWWWWWWWW... A charity case... lmaoooooooo... Mighty white of you, African!!!

Anonymous said...

i live in syracuse ny. im a student. im 21 yes old.

i met willis mcgahee in november after a buffalo bills game. my friend is dating one of his teammates. he was very nice and we have kept in touch mostly through text messages and phone calls but have not seen each other since. we never messed around, just hung out and had fun at a club with my friend and her boyfriend and a couple other guys. he was cool and fun. he has been inviting me to visit him in miami. it sounds fun but honestly i realize i dont know him well enough to go on a trip. but..ive never been to miami. im not on any in school and i know he'll be back this way in a couple of months for the season. Since he is flying me out to Miami to spend time with him, do you think he is expecting sex? What if I want to stay in a hotel and not with him. Do you think he will get the hint or still expect it.

Knockout Zed said...

I went out to buy a couch and bought a laptop instead. Go figure! She didn't swallow, dammit!

I held out for you as long as I could, sweetie!

@Help me Zed
Yes, he will expect sex. Any man would. That's the way we are wired. Many a pro athlete is walking the earth with a little "something-something". That "something-something" is usually herpes. Don't say you haven't been warned.


~ Eclectic Soul ~ said...

"I held out for you as long as I could, sweetie!"

Tell me ANYTHING!!!