Friday, March 31, 2006

The End Of Head

OK, so I wasn't going to talk about this on the blog. I didn't mention this, but on Monday I ate the coochie. Carmel's that is. I went over to her crib to help fix a computer problem. One thing led to another and I talked her into letting me taste it. I didn't ask for any reciprocity, I didn't need it. I just ate it. Of course, me being kinda slow witted, I thought that was it.

We saw each other on Tuesday. She came over to my house. We talked about some shit, we didn't do anything because she came on her period.

She wanted to see me on Wednesday. We had some miscommunication issues, so it didn't happen.

Thursday she called me around 10:00 am and asked me what I was doing that evening. "I got a date." "With who, that young chick?" "Yep." "Oh....OK." She called me back a few minutes later. "Can I see you before you go see her?" "I don't know. We're hooking up right after work." "What about your lunch hour?" "I have a lunch meeting. I don't have a big enough gap in my day to come see you. Why don't you come to my office around 2:00?" "Alright."

She came through around 2:30 (C.P.T., man). My secretary is funny. She comes to my office looking at me like "You muthafucka." She says "There's a 'Carmel' out front for you." I got a poker face on. "Send her back, please."

Carmel comes in all color combinated and shit. It's 70 outside, so I shoulda expected it. Toes out, painted pink. Tight lime green shirt, pink shades, tight blue jeans. She comes in my office, closes the door and locks it.

"What's up, Carm?" "I want you to think about me when you're on your little date tonight." I'm looking at her as she takes the gum from her mouth and tosses it in the trash can. "Pull your pants down." "What?" "You scared?" I look at the door. I go test the lock, then I return to my chair and pull down my pants.

You'll think I was just given to exaggeration or overcome by adrenaline when I say this, but yesterday I received THE VERY BEST BLOWJOB I'VE EVER RECEIVED IN MY ENTIRE 35 YEARS. PERIOD. BAR FUCKING NONE.

It was the wettest, sloppiest, most technically proficient sexual act I've ever been a party to. And I've been a party to a few in my day. Fuck Charlize Theron, fuck everybody else. Carmel is all skill. I came so hard I was ashamed afterwards. Mag-fucking-nificient.

When she was finished, I walked her to the restroom. When she came out she just said one sentence, "Enjoy your date."

On the date I was flashing back the whole time.



Robert L. Mack said...

KZ, I think you are my new hero! Why can't nothing like that happen to me? I'm effin around. It's like 7 million chicks in the Chi-town area, I need to step my game up! And come on, you had to divulge this? Why you holding back on the stories! And what made this even better is Carmel already knew the deal, its like chicks like you more when they know you got something else going on! This ain't the end. More like the beginning......

chele said...

Well damn. "Enjoy your date" ... nice touch.

What the hell is wrong with your secretary's attitude?

Knockout Zed said...

I'm telling you, I was blown away (no pun intended). This shit was crazy. I didn't talk about what happened with me an Carmel on Monday 'cuz I knew the "blog beatdown" was coming. So I didn't talk about it. When this shit happened yesterday, how could I not talk about it?

I was gonna call this post "A History of Head" but that's false. This is the End of Head as I previously knew it. She's incredible!!!

She fucked my head up with that "Enjoy your date" shit.

My secretary looked at me like "I know this chick ain't here on business. You fuckin' her!" This is a funny little town. I try to explain it in my posts, but I don't think I can convey it. These fools stay in your business.


sj-the-infamous said...

I cannot stop laughing....this shit is hysterical!

ChezNiki said...

Congratulations! One day I will post on the best head Ive ever gotten...NOT. Maybe the secretary was jelly and would like a little zed herself?!??!?

Disco said...


That's all I can say.

That statement he made is saying a whoooooooooooole helluva lot folks.

DramaFree said...

"Enjoy your date"....funny.

Mr.Slish said...

Hmmmmm...Got me going through celly on a friday night looking for A FREAK!!!!!!

Prophetess said...

You mothafucka, you! I knew it! I knew Carmel was gonna be the one to blow your fucking MIND!!!!!

You aint shit, Zed, LOL!

Gone drop this bomb on a niggress.

But you did say it was coming.

But I see what you did, negro. And it was perfect! Oh, you negro, you! I love it! I love it! I love it! Gone sneak in that 'ol fake ass scenario in the last two posts to throw a nigga mind off the Carmel situation..

So, I guess that means Endo is now residing at Le Chez Le "Curb"?

I feel a Cochran retort coming on:

"You surrendered your will because Carmel demonstrated her skill." LOL!

You aint shit, Zed, and I aint thankin''bout you! LOL!

Butterfly Jones said...

The dirty cow! Her outfit sounded terrible! She sounds like the babymother's in Brixton who come out in their finery once they see a lickle piece of sunshine. But I guess you ain't think 'bout that!

Anonymous said...

the way you described her fit/leaves me to think/dem Ks give good head/dey aint prissy!

Honest said...

Mufukin hilarious!

Ha! this is fabulous a win win situation for you and your blog fans as I know now, the hoodrat stories will surely continue.

Knockout Zed said...

I didn't laugh much, but I can't stop smiling.

That P-dub (aka PWT, aka Poor White Trash) don't want me. She's just projecting some pent up frustration.

You know now your girl is officially "Second Best", which still ain't bad.

She got me with that and fucked up the date to boot. Classic.

Every woman I know will be in an intense training program to become "Carmel Jr." It's my responsibility to teach!

I was not gonna blog about her at all. What ever happened, happened. This shit made it impossible to ignore. I had to blog about it.

Endo is not gone or forgotten. She just needs more intense instruction.

As Cochran might have said, "Get better at head or don't fuck with Zed".

Yeah, I guess she's not the most "fashionable" or subtle, but I forgot about it soon after. She's kinda "birded out" as we've been know to say on the Eastside of Detroit.

Nice catch!!! I don't know if anyone else caught that. She and Batshit are sisters. Very observant.

I gotta stop writing about sex so much. Everytime I try to change the subject lately, something like this happens.


Sangindiva said...

Damn Zed-

Hey outfit sounds like it was a mess...
but her approach? shiiiid! I'mma have ta' try TAHT!!
Fuck the dumb shit- THAT'S how you get a ni**a!!
That girl is CLASSIC!! hahahaha!!

Organized Noise said...

I would have been no good on that date. As good as that post was, I am more impressed that you were actually able to get through the date.

nikki said...


sista knew how to do that shit. put something on a brotha's mind before he goes out. i LOVE her style.

Anonymous said...

Carmel can cook right?...make sure she makes some oxtails, red beans & rice and some homemade ice tea. Glad your gettin' your fill before the 21st...

Anonymous said...

have you fulfilled your babysitting duties with her kiddies?

Anonymous said...

OK, I'm glad I have left comments a couple times before so you know I'm not just some random person ... but I don't believe you, Zed!

Homegirl was NOT wearing pink shades, no way!

No - just kidding - seriously, I just can't believe that she came up to your job and did that ... my mouth is open (but not like *that*, LOL)!!! Not that it never happens - but this chick hasn't even been on the scene that long! Damn!

Knockout Zed said...

You could just sing, baby! The..ahem...orals would just be icing on the cake.

It wasn't easy and I couldn't focus. But yes, I kept the date.

She got me this time. I'll get her many more.

@On My Own
How come I gotta get my fill before the 21st? I plan on getting my fill the 21st through the 23rd.

I've met the kids. I didn't want to, but I did. No babysitting allowed here.

@Monica C.
I could not make this shit up, and I credit myself on being a writer. She was gangsta with her shit. I must give her credit on her steez. She fucked my head up.


lyre said...

I told my Friend about your escapade. he is unemployed now...I told him he needs to hurry and get an office!!!!

Little Brown Girl said...

Ok that had to be the funniest shyt I heard all day. I was depressed as hell earlier but this shyt made my dayum day. Must be the freak in me...let me go pray LOL!!

KZ you are outta eff'n control. And shortie is straight gangsta...I ain't mad at her for getting her grown woman on but DAYUM!

Anonymous said...

I'm sure you was....I wonder do I have that effect?

Anonymous said...

LMAO @ As Cochran might have said, "Get better at head or don't fuck with Zed"."

Chubby Chocolate said...

Missed you man! I'm 30 now!!!!

Came so hard you were ashamed?!!

That's some

I'm really not feeling the outfit Carmel-oh wise one of blowjobs was wearing, but I'm most positive you could care less!!!