Friday, March 24, 2006

The Life Aquatic with Zed Zednanreh

A.K.A. The Fishbowl

I walked into my bank yesterday, like I do once a week. I approached the teller and smiled. I hand her my I.D. "I don't need that Mr. Zednanreh. I know you!" This is the same routine I followed in Detroit. The same bank downtown. The same tellers. Twelve years. They scrutinized my I.D. every single time I came in. Twelve years.

I walked across the street to this little diner for lunch. I'd been in there twice before. I sat down in a booth. The waitress approached. "Diet Coke, right?" I nod and she goes to get it.

After work I walked to this bar downtown. I've been there four times in nine months. I sit at the bar. "Bacardi and Diet Coke, right?" I nod and he begins making the drink.

I'm on TV twice a week and quoted in the paper at least once a month. I'm 6'3" with shoulder length dreadlocs. I'm the only "director level" black man working for the city government. There is no flying under the radar in this town.

There's this black millionaire in town. This cat is major paid. He used to be a sports agent for several Hall of Fame athletes. He came into my office yesterday and told me he'd heard about me. "I had to meet you. I've heard a lot about you." You had to meet ME? This is not false modesty, I was truly surprised. I'm a fucking nobody.

All my instincts are off. I'm still the same cat who used to get head at Belle Isle Park. The one who was notorious for having 3 date Saturdays (afternoon, evening, and booty call). The cat who elevated road rage into an artform when me and Three chased these dudes with baseball bats in Downtown Detroit for flipping us the bird.

I'm floating through this city not able to trust myself. Because I know it's only a matter of time before I revert to my true nature. There is only so much public face I can put on. The real dude is a lot grimier. And he's got a digital camcorder.

Yours Truly,


Anonymous said...

Love that post...the fishbowl bit is so true. How do you feel about life in a small town?

How are you holding up?

Anonymous said...

BTW, I was first!!!!!!

Knockout Zed said...

This shit is maddening. I didn't even go into full detail. When you go to work and everyone knows where the fuck you went the night before and with whom. I was sitting at a small bar, drinking and smoking (we can still do that in Michigan) when a city commissioner came up to me and started talking about government issues. It gets on my nerves.

You're first with your comments and first in my heart, you damn hip-hop head!


Disco said...

heh heh.....yeah nigro.... we KNOW yo ass hadda have a digicam LOL

yeah, and that sucks that erry'body knows errr'thing that goes down. It's like a flashback to high school or sum shit... a little microcosm that you can't get out of.....

Anonymous said...


Now, come see me! Considering your position, you obviously have been in charge of hiring some folks. So, I would like your opinion on my post topic of the day.

Have a great weekend!

Insaneblackwoman said...

I feel you, Brother.

chele said...

Oh come on Zed ... if the president can get head in the oval office why can't you get it at the park?

ChezNiki said...

That is DEFINITELY the case in Black Professional Boston, as well. The same cats you see at the political luncheon, are the same cats you see in church, who are the same cats you see at the club. The same twelve people everywhere you go! I am originally from NYC where going to the next floor in your apartment building affords you the luxury of anonymity. Dating is PAINFUL, creeping is IMPOSSIBLE. Ive only been here six years and two of my exes know eachother!

I have to get away from "Where everybody knows your name" and go back home and slip in between the "eight million stories." Good luck Brother...I dont know, maybe buy a big hat and some sun glasses for your trip back to Belle Isle...LOL

Knockout Zed said...

My high school experience wasn't like yours. I was on the far east side in the mud. You went to Elite N*gga High. Y'all was everywhere, citywide.

Nonetheless, my ass is overexposed.

I read your post. I don't discriminate on hiring anyone except Mormons and U of M grads.

You feelin' better, mama? It's the 40DDs makin' that cat crazy! I understand! But he still gotta get dealt wit.

If I get head at the park, they might not see me getting it. But the next day at work I'll have staff telling me "So and so at Parks and Rec said they saw your car at the park last night." Nosy fucks.

I've given up on creeping. I'm just telling these broads about each other to save me some headache.

I'll be back on Belle Isle this summer providing "Tussin" for all takers.



Anonymous said...

u must live in Ypsilanti

nikki said...

great post!

oh, and you've been tagged, african.

Insaneblackwoman said...

No, I'm not, but I hope to be feeling better in the near future.
Brother, thanks for asking. Means a lot. "...gotta get dealt with..." No truer words have ever been spoken. I hope to be saying "...has GOTTEN dealt with..." And one MORE time: THEY'S 50DD'S! 50DD'S!, Zed. Not 40, not 30. 50! LOL.

And, please. NOT the park. Anywhere but the park. LOL.

Robert L. Mack said...

I understand KZ...I lived in Rockford, IL for a few years and I could not wait to get to get back to Chicago. Now It aint nowhere on the same level as you, but I understand.....I live in a high rise building here and I've spoken to my neighbors maybe twice in the year I've been here. And that's just the quick "head nod".

Knockout Zed said...


I officially hate you now. Your tag will be my next post, sweets.

Why the fuck do I keep wanting to downgrade the Natural Wonders. 50DDs? Gotdamn!

Gotta love the anonymity. I miss that shit.


Honest said...

It's hard being in a fish bowl keep your head up dude don't let them drag you down. You're doing good things.

Now that I know you drink Bacardi and Diet Coke I keep thinking about those Bacardi and coke commercial dudes. LMAO!

Anonymous said...

Hear Ye, hear ye! InsaneBlackWoman is no longer. She has changed her name to full fledged "Insanity", and she can be found at


Thank you for listening.

FreeBeing said...

Supa tagged you so I s/h known you'd have an interesting life. I'm hooked. I'll be back.

Na$$ty Girl said...

Hello, Zed.

Knockout Zed said...

Wow, you clownin' me! Ever since my doctor told me how many calories I consume in soft drinks daily, I don't drink beverages with sugar in them. That's all.

Will you include growing techniques, shotgunning for novices, and other helpful hints on the blog? You are filling a needed gap in bud related scholarship in cyberspace.

Now, if you can just post up the 50DDs, my life will be complete.

I'll be checking you out too.

@Na$$ty Girl
What's up with the pussy?

J/K. Maybe.


Anonymous said...

When I come...I want you to introduce me to the black millionaire!

That's it...that's all!

THIS is teh very reason I told you to find one that compliments you/your position!