So I'm walkin' right? Mindin' my own, nahmean? Then I get this "Ay yo!", so I'm trippin' right? And then I get this "Ay, I'm just sayin'..." So I'm all like "I mean, what you sayin'?" And ol' girl is like "Damn I mean, damn dude!" So I'm like "Squo?" And she's like "Squo."
Translation: These professional looking sistas started hittin' on me yesterday at lunch. I've seen them at least 20 times this summer with absolutely no acknowledgement.
So I get this call right? And ol' girl is like "See about me." And I'm like "What for?" And she's all "I just wanna speak my peace." So I'm like "What for? We good." And she all like "You ain't gotta be like that. You dolo. Let me hold you down." I'm like "Whatever" but she insistin' like a muhfucka.
Translation: Blandette, that boring chick insisted on taking me out to dinner tonight even though I have a prohibition on marginal women. I hope she doesn't try to give me that mediocre pussy. Better yet I hope I don't get hit in the head with a shot glass thrown by my philosophical friend out west.
So I'm sleepin' right? Takin' a muhfuckin' nap and shit after work. My phone is rangin' and shit. Rangin' and rangin'. I'm irritated. So I finally look at the phone. It's ol' Hymenina, the virgin. I ain't talked to her ass in many, many months. I listen to the message and shit. Some ol' bullshit about missin' me and bringin' back the Sunday Night Show.
Translation: The little 25 year old virgin has seen the error of her ways and wants to come off the bench. I say nay. I'll put her on waivers and hope another team picks her up.
My take? Winter comes early in Michigan. These squirrels are scrambling for deez nutz. In the summer, I'm on some Ralph Ellison shit. As fall approaches, I'm moving up like Elisha Otis.
I think I'll stay in and smoke.
KZ
P.S. Y'all need to check out Robyn for a thorough run-down of our experience at the A Tribe Called Quest set.
37 comments:
Wow...you got a lot going on over there. Guess they just want someone to snuggle up to this Winter. Who can blame them?
And yes, you mess with "Marginal" Glam is gonna' get ya. My suggestion, come West, we don't have winters!
And how did I get to be FIRST this late in the day?
FIRST you sucka's!!!
This was funny Zeddie, but I bet you'll find something or someone to keep you warm before winter arrives. Patience grasshopper...PATIENCE!
And we need to talk...I got a theory that now coincides with one of your theories...crazy I KNOW, but we gotta get up. I know I owe you so be on the lookout for my secret ring and these seven digits...well 10 if you count the area code LOL!!
GOT DAYUMIT!!!
I guess I'm da sucka today...SHTYT!!!
Hey RD...We can share First!!!
I'm so grateful you translated this because I certainly don't speak 'Satan's Anus'
@Isha
I think Glam wants to kick my ass in general anyway. I'll be giving her an excuse.
West, hunh?
I posted late. I had two early meetings. That's how you're first.
@RD
You do owe me, so I'll be looking for the call regardless. If we have an overlapping theory, I'll have to pray for ya. My thinking is kinda warped.
@Stilt
I had to translate from the ultra-ghetto mode that my brain works in, to bloggerspeak, the pseudo-bourgeois speech of the aspiring author.
KZ
Times is hard on the boulevard.
You are hilarius! Thanks for the translation because without it I would have been clueless.
What the hell..African you been in the anus tooo Long..Now I know why can't find any decent chocha. They all come with feathers!!!! lol...Holla at yo boy
so basically you have a date or two huh?
I agree with your take ... no one wants to sleep alone in the winter.
lol@this entry. clever and funny.
Thanks for the translation but I speak fluent Ebonics.
@IllNana
Times gotta be hard!
@Tjeanise
That translator be workin' overtime.
@Slish
"Chicken for lunch. Chicken for dinner. Chicken, chicken, chicken, I'm a finger lickin' winner."
@Miss Ahmad
Hey mama! How are you? I was just thinkin' about you.
Naw, I'm supposed to be going to eat with, um, that one chick, but I'm sayin', that's just dinner. And I got a time frame, 'cuz I got a night meetin' that night, so, um, yeah. It ain't no date or nothin', nahmean?
@Chele
See? You see how they're minds are working, right? I'm not havin' it!
@Nikki
Thank you, Nik. Now just don't whoop my ass too bad in FF this season.
KZ
While the cat is away...
The Zzeddie mouse has been PLAYIN'!!
I just read all of the posts that I missed so tha I don't have to comment on each and every one...
but now that I am all caught up I am a little jealous of the concert series yall have there...
I KNOW Rachelle was the bomb!
I am not jealous of all of the chicken's trynna swoop you up for the winter. Don't act like winter's don't get ball freezin' cold in SA... you JUST might find yourself with feathers in your bed from the bed warmer you SWORE you wouldn't call...
Duck... I see a shot glass coming! :)
lol@bloggerspeak
lol@the women scrambling. I don't blame them. I'm trying to get my last piece before football season starts and all the fellas disappear.
You prayin' and layin hands and whatnot on RD?
Y'all done changed in the 6 days I've been gone....
...then again...
you still talking about weak ass broads in the Anus...I guess things haven't changed.
I didn't know 2830 had staked her claim.... damn, did I miss out on my chance to be up on doz nutz?
*please oh please...don't let Zed answer that last question*
@SanginDiva
You make me sound promiscuous.
*ducking*
LOL
@L and TV
We do seem to internalize our activities when football season starts. I'll be trying to visit my alma mater in East Lansing and good ol' Notre Dame this fall. Satan's Anus is kinda strategically placed between the two.
@Blah
Are you actually back, or is this an apparition?
Why you gotta be doggin' SA chicks?
Um. Um. Welcome back!
KZ
you're in demand huh? whatever you do, don't break that virgin off. she might totally fall in love with you and stuff...
and you're welcome ;)
why are you always such a damn fool? hahahhahahahahahah i like the translation break-down though. i remember when i went to the big xii conference on black student govrnment this past february, i was in an advisor's session and the facilitator gave a quiz to see if we really knew what our students were saying. i'm proud to admit that out of all the advisors from all over (not just the big xii baby) young AND old, i am the only one that scored a perect 100!!!!
@ blah blah
no claim staking here..just good clean interesting fun, so ummm...you can get a bid in, although i think we both know some marginal SA broad with a big boot and marginal dreams will be the second wifey!
How was the town??!
So that's why I been getting calls from my ex? She tryna get her winter loving locked down before it's too late. Damn, thanks for schooling me.
@ Ahmad: I've been to the Anus...if he picks one of those chicks as the 2nd Mrs. Zednanreh then it ain't the chick that's marginal but the dude.
Zed, tighten that shit up! Even though it may not seem like it... I expect great things from you.
Fa serious.
Zed...Loving the translation...stay away from virgins...too much investment and they will fall in love.
Remember Martin in Thin Line Between Love and Hate?
We will have to fish you out of a pool some dayum where!
Blah...you're a lyrical genious, and I mean this!
@Mack
I don't know if professional = hitable. As a matter of fact, yes I do. No, professional definitely <> hitable. But at least they were professional.
Let me say a little about Blandette. Blandette doesn't read, doesn't watch TV, has no hobbies, is completely unfamiliar with pop culture as a whole and doesn't follow sports. What the fuck am I supposed to talk to her about? The first time I went out with her we were out for 2 hours and I made some shit up to leave. I never called her again. Why is she still trying to see me? A friend of mine told me people don't get hints, so I guess I'll have to say it straight out tonight.
I don't bone virgins, period.
@Aqua
I can't get conceited because I know it's not me, it's Winter.
No virgins!
@FA
Do you know why? It's because you're still a YOUNGY!!! Youngy!
@Miss Ahmad
Blah don't want no bid! Don't let her tell you that!
My next wife will be coastal, not middle American.
@T Cas
That Winter hookup can't be underestimated. I got another call last night from a woman I haven't spoken to in 5 months.
@CG
When you see him in the lobby or at the mailbox, just tell him. "You know a higher quality headboard would give you guys more support and wouldn't make so much noise." He'll appreciate it. Really.
@Blah
As my only blog witness to the bleakness, you should be cutting me some slack!!! You know what's up!
@Lav Money
She already thought she was in love. Thus the separation in the first place.
@Miss Ahmad
Sweetie, don't encourage her!
KZ
OK *picking myself up off the floor* @ Hymenia the virgin!! Now if that ain't a play on words. Hahahaha that's hilarious
Picky, Picky, Picky....But, I don't blame you. No need getting your *bleep* wet with something that doesn't quench your thirst!
AHAHAHA! This was a good one. Funny, Dynasty and I were having a similar conversation not too long ago. People are a trip.
I was reading on Salon.com about older virgins and a lot of dudes didn't want to go there. I found that interesting. And you're saying the same thing. I thought virgins were the holy grail.
I hope that Blandetta is paying for that dinner because that seems like the only way it may be worth your while.
@OneFrom
It wasn't funny finding out she was a virgin, believe me.
@Dyna
See? See what I'm sayin'?
@BZ
What does one have to do to let someone know "leave me alone"? I guess I just gotta say "leave me alone".
@MizJJ
I read that shit on Salon and they're exactly right. I read that shit the day after she called me.
KZ
YES! Say, "I do not want to see you." There's no arguing it or thinking that there's room for your foot in the door when someone tells you that. Life would be easier if people just let it be simple.
i'm gonna try your approach and just be nicer to all the marginal men i turn down..
i'll just start saying yes and let them feed.
oh no i won't that's cuz dating is fattening...
oh well carry on!
hahahahah
you're just jealous 'cuz i'm what old michael was talking about..."PYT!" ;-)
this post was funny as hell. and oh yes I'm back to work.
@BZ-Believe me when I tell you, Zed knows how to "Just Say No" which is how I got my face cracked in New York...
...but at least now I know why
...ooh did I say that?
Freaking hilarious dude. Thanks for the translation because I haven't been "down with the peeps" in a minute and am unsure of what anything but the Queen's English means. i.e; I stopped watching MTV and BET.
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