I came into work today thoroughly irritated. I finally fell asleep around 2 am, and my alarm clock going off at 6:30 am just set me off. I could barely stay awake. I felt like calling in sick, but I had a gang of meetings, including one at 8:30 am. If I had my druthers (that's right, druthers, muthafucka!!!), there would never be meetings before noon or after 2 pm. Or during lunch. So what's that? An hour window? That sounds about right.
When I parked my car, the stanky flatulent man who doesn't wash his hands was getting dropped off by his wife. I quickened my step. I didn't wanna get stopped by her and invited to their house for dinner again. Plus, she's one of those people with a fat tongue. You know, they always look like they're half smiling because their mouths are always kinda hanging over. And it makes her enunciate like Biz Markie. I abhor talking to that chick. I always wait for her to break out into a beat-box.
I went to a meeting today on regional transportation. There were about 25 people sitting around a big table. One of the engineers, from M.DOT, starting digging up his nose. Not a little discreet pick, mind you, but his whole digit shoved up his nostril and moving around. Ol' school digging for gold. Disgusting, right? You ain't heard the half. This nasty bastard pulled his finger out of his nose, looked at what he wrought, and ATE IT. I know what you're thinking. I'm not lying nor am I exaggerating. After he ate it, he put his finger up his nose again and REPEATED SAID ACTION. Right hand up to G-d.
After that meeting, I got a call from this Executive search firm, vetting me for this position in Miami. I don't necessarily want the position, but I'm pretty much applying for everything that's halfway decent. Anyway, we go step by step through my extensive resume and she's impressed. She loves it. But, she tells me, she's concerned because Miami-Dade is so large and Satan's Anus is so small. I agreed, but I told her that Detroit is much bigger than Miami-Dade and I played a major role there. Who knows how it turns out, I just kinda want to bounce from this scene. I'm not sold or hurricane alley though. We'll see.
Be cool,
KZ
15 comments:
GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!!!
...no one said anything...or like looked at him crazy..or nudged his arm to say stop that shit RIGHT NOW?!!!!
Oh hells yea...you need a new gig ASAP...that's AS SOON AS POSSIBLE in case your pen top chewing ass didn't know.
@BBB
Nobody even paid attention. It was crazy.
I need new money. I need more big faces in my account. I gotta pay for a wedding.
KZ
Are you hungry,... get outta my ear with that shit!
LOL
...do like the first one... island...only fam and then have a huge reception.
Of course...don't take her to the same island. Just sayin'.
Or a wedding in Paris... do some different shit.
....but of course...remember to buy my flight too.
Wor Booty!
i loves miami. the handsome coach is thinking about taking a position back there...maybe i'll meet you there and can double date and go to football games and shit...
my receptionist came in drunk on Monday morning...no one said anything either.
@Blah - D*mn, Gurl! You gonna comment that much, you might as well re-open your blog! Seriously considering Slishy's Thingy in Harlem in Feb.... NO NOT THAT THINGY!!! Ill let you know. We should do lunch!
@Zed - "A nose in need, deserves Puffs indeed."
Shoulda handed him a large box of tissues after smacking him in the head with it
One of the signs I knew I had to leave my old job, was when I saw that three inch pile of dust on the toilet seat in the women's bathroom.
My cousin wants me to apply to jobs in South Florida. But I cant get my brain around rain that kills people [?!?!?]
Either way, good luck!
If you ever attend a meeting with him again, get a mirror from someone and sit it in front of him. He needs to know exactly what he looks like doing that mess!
Nasty azz.
I would move to Miami just to get away from him in the office.
Good luck Zed.
if you gotta go to miami, i say do it. the times i've been there i loved it. and if you move to miami, have it there. destination wedding :)
Okay you need to stop watching folks when they're trying to relax...
I good nose picking is like a good shit...especiallly when you're able to pick out a bugger that's been caked up inside your nose for days...lol
@ ChezNik I refuse to open Bloopty back up... I need to remain mecurial and mysterious yo!
I likes being able to comment-blog in others ppl shit...
nasty-ass, nasty ASS!!! DAMMIT why weren't people raised with a stitch of dayum decency andan ounce of decorum! I would have calles his ass out...."hey buddy....want a tissue?????" smack in the mddlie of the meeting!
No nasty bugger-infested hurricanes this past season. Quit hating. Y'all see me sporting tanks and thongs in December-January. Good point you countered with about the D versus Miami-Dade. I just ask that you and TAD not bring any children into that educational setting. According to Mr. Pro (who is high on the field- of-education ladder), hell and the DOE website, every high school in the county of Dade is failing miserably. Grade F. But of course, the elementary schools are dropping the ball making it virtually impossible for any middle and high school to pick up the slack.
*Flicking booger at 'Flo Rida' haters*
WHAT UP ZED!!!
Happy new Year (all late n'shit...)
I can't even comment on this post like I wanted to after reading Slish's comment on booger picking is like taking a good shit. I'm mad now...lol...the visual that's stuck in my brain is bothering me...I'll have to come back later and comment without READING the previous comments. Eww...
Oh yeah...I'm, not with rain that kills folks either...how bout moving WEST?
If I saw a dude eat a booger I would have lost it completely. That is very three year old-ish.
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