Hey y'all! My account of this weekend should take up at least two blogs, but I'm lazy and I'm in synopsis mode. This oughta be painless.
Friday
Thelma came and so did I.
Saturday
I left Thelma at the house so I could go to the frat meeting. On my way I check my messages. Four messages from Carmel. The third voicemail message is a plea for dick. The last message is a text at 2:45 am: "I miss U". She was obviously drunk and out with her friends on Friday night. I called her. She was disappointed that I wasn't "in town" but she'd see me when I "got back".
Frat meeting was short. I came home and took Thelma to see the Dave Chappelle flick.
Nightfall came and so did I.
Sunday
Thelma left and I texted Carmel "I'm back". She called me a few minutes later. "Come over and meet my sister." I wasn't really with it, but I did it anyway. Boredom is a bitch.
Her sister is a fucking 10+. Beautiful, crass, ass for days, foul mouthed, gorgeous mess. Talking about fuckin' miscellaneous dudes with her three year old daughter on her lap.They were trying to go out to eat. We leave. They wanted to see their girl. Pretty girl, six kids. She came and brought one of her kids. They called their mama. Mama brought their little brother. Eight deep at Red Lobster. That's what this shit turned into. They are all transplants from the Devil's Lower Gastro-Intestinal Tract to Satan's Anus.
I wish to goodness I had the energy to write about all the shit that happened, but I don't. The shit feels surreal as it is. Carmel's sister was at the table talking about getting paid to fuck in front of her mother. It's hard not to be one of those bourgeois, judgemental assed Africans, but gotdamn!
Needless to say, or shit, maybe I do need to say it, the bloom is off the rose. I think I can take this from a distance, but I can't fuck her under full disclosure. If I could feign ignorance, I'd stab. But I can't, I know too much.
Friday
Thelma came and so did I.
Saturday
I left Thelma at the house so I could go to the frat meeting. On my way I check my messages. Four messages from Carmel. The third voicemail message is a plea for dick. The last message is a text at 2:45 am: "I miss U". She was obviously drunk and out with her friends on Friday night. I called her. She was disappointed that I wasn't "in town" but she'd see me when I "got back".
Frat meeting was short. I came home and took Thelma to see the Dave Chappelle flick.
Nightfall came and so did I.
Sunday
Thelma left and I texted Carmel "I'm back". She called me a few minutes later. "Come over and meet my sister." I wasn't really with it, but I did it anyway. Boredom is a bitch.
Her sister is a fucking 10+. Beautiful, crass, ass for days, foul mouthed, gorgeous mess. Talking about fuckin' miscellaneous dudes with her three year old daughter on her lap.They were trying to go out to eat. We leave. They wanted to see their girl. Pretty girl, six kids. She came and brought one of her kids. They called their mama. Mama brought their little brother. Eight deep at Red Lobster. That's what this shit turned into. They are all transplants from the Devil's Lower Gastro-Intestinal Tract to Satan's Anus.
I wish to goodness I had the energy to write about all the shit that happened, but I don't. The shit feels surreal as it is. Carmel's sister was at the table talking about getting paid to fuck in front of her mother. It's hard not to be one of those bourgeois, judgemental assed Africans, but gotdamn!
Needless to say, or shit, maybe I do need to say it, the bloom is off the rose. I think I can take this from a distance, but I can't fuck her under full disclosure. If I could feign ignorance, I'd stab. But I can't, I know too much.
Stay vigilant,
KZ
12 comments:
I agree. RUN!
You told me she was ghetto...but GOT DAMN!!!!
Least your not backed-up anymore...Thelma served her purpose...what's it been (well, what you been telling us...) it's been 2 months.
Shoulda hit the "Gorgeous Mess" with your pimp stick....! LOL
Un Uhn!!!
But then again, maybe her Momma into the same trade...were they comparing notes? That is insanity!!!
Dude as one of those judgemental bougie Africans I need you to break down the hilarity of that Red Lobster dinner table convo.
@Chele
It's tough. Boredom is a bitch.
@East
I feel like I drank fruit flavored Drano. I'm completely unclogged.
@Chez
The things I could have blogged about. One day when I feel like really writing, I'll tell you.
@IBW
To her actual credit, Carmel kept apologizing for her sister. She still wanted me to meet her, so take that for what it's worth.
Thelma is mad cool, but sexually she's dull. I keep trying to push the envelope to no avail.
@Honest
Trust me, you'd think I was fuckin' lying if I told you the entirety of that conversation. It was the most crass, sad conversation you'd ever want to hear.
ABORT! ABORT! ABORT!
Was Carmel trying to test you by having you meet the sister?
Seems like to me something was up. I wouldn't dare spend the dinner hour incessantly apologizing for the crude, rude, and downright hoe-ish behavior of my sister, when we easily could have left the bitch and her kid (and Momma, and little brother)at the crib, you know?
Something wasn't right in the WHOLE scenario and maybe you need to give us some more details. Hell, ALL THE DETAILS!!!!
LOL! Ooh, she played the ghetto fam card way too early. That lunch just sounds wrong - I bet these are the same women that complain: "There's just no decent, available men around". Show her a clean pair of heels mate.
@All y'all
OK. I'll share a little of the conversation her sister gave at the table. She was on a "fake nigga" rant. These cats from their hometown, ballin' out, rollin' on 24s, dopeboys, were closet homos. "I had these niggas paying me to fuck 'em with a strap-on. They all got turned out by somebody. Now they can't bust unless a dildo is up they ass. I'm just takin' these niggas money. That's all I do."
In the meantime moms is trying to get mo' toasted askin' who was gon' buy her next drink. I didn't!!!
KZ
So that's how your new in-laws get down????
Yea...you the Juggernaut, bitch!
LMAO
@Miss Insane:
I concur. Well said.
@Ahem
Don't you know I'll beat you and throw you and eat your costume?
@IBW
Damn, you done dropped a Bible verse on a cat! Now I really gotta reconsider. Sometimes my dick don't listen to me.
@Na$$ty Girl
Are you still fuckin' with that non-fuckin' ass cat you blogged about? You betta get to Satan's Anus!
KZ
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