I hate your ass so much right now Nikki, you just don't know. Then I go over to your page and see your smiling face and your...attributes, and I'm ok again. So I'm about to do what I've been asked to do by the ultra-prolific one and discuss the 10 qualities I need in a PERFECT MATE.
So here goes:
1. She must honor the intimacy of our relationship
This is basically about discretion and privacy. As an extremely private person, I can't have my ol' lady putting our business out in the street. I won't keep any secrets from her, but they become OUR secrets.
2. She must be spontaneous
When we are childless and free, she gotta be ready to be up and out at a moment's notice all the time.
3. She must enjoy porn
I can't stress this enough. She doesn't have to be a connoisseur, but she's gotta be able to watch without critiquing what the chicks are wearing or how their hair is styled.
4. She's gotta be appropriately sexual
No, we can't fuck at my boss's house party. No, we can't fuck at your cousin's baby shower. No, this wake is inappropriate, too. Yes, we can fuck in the back row of a scarcely attended motion picture, but only if you wear a skirt.
5. She's gotta be good with money
I'm fucking horrible with money. She's gotta compliment me in that respect. I'll fuckin' buy guns when we're outta butter.
6. She has to sufficiently have my back
My ex-wife was a backstabbing contrarian. I didn't realize how important it is to have your woman in your corner to support you even if she disagrees with you.
7. I need her to be pretty well read
Traditionally, the woman is the primary caregiver to one's children. Children learn the most from their mothers in their earliest years. I just want my ol' lady to be able to teach the kid a little sumthin' extra. In addition, I read a lot. I'd just like to be able to share ideas with her based on information we've both ingested.
8. She should have a good sense of fashion
Shit, I don't want a fuckin' hobo or a chicken on my arm. Style is important as fuck.
9. She must be politically astute
Both major political parties are corrupt and morally bankrupt. I don't mean politics in that sense. I mean politics in the realm of black empowerment and advancement. She's gotta recognize the bullshit and be willing to work to counteract it.
10. She probably needs an ass like this (be careful before clicking!)
So here goes:
1. She must honor the intimacy of our relationship
This is basically about discretion and privacy. As an extremely private person, I can't have my ol' lady putting our business out in the street. I won't keep any secrets from her, but they become OUR secrets.
2. She must be spontaneous
When we are childless and free, she gotta be ready to be up and out at a moment's notice all the time.
3. She must enjoy porn
I can't stress this enough. She doesn't have to be a connoisseur, but she's gotta be able to watch without critiquing what the chicks are wearing or how their hair is styled.
4. She's gotta be appropriately sexual
No, we can't fuck at my boss's house party. No, we can't fuck at your cousin's baby shower. No, this wake is inappropriate, too. Yes, we can fuck in the back row of a scarcely attended motion picture, but only if you wear a skirt.
5. She's gotta be good with money
I'm fucking horrible with money. She's gotta compliment me in that respect. I'll fuckin' buy guns when we're outta butter.
6. She has to sufficiently have my back
My ex-wife was a backstabbing contrarian. I didn't realize how important it is to have your woman in your corner to support you even if she disagrees with you.
7. I need her to be pretty well read
Traditionally, the woman is the primary caregiver to one's children. Children learn the most from their mothers in their earliest years. I just want my ol' lady to be able to teach the kid a little sumthin' extra. In addition, I read a lot. I'd just like to be able to share ideas with her based on information we've both ingested.
8. She should have a good sense of fashion
Shit, I don't want a fuckin' hobo or a chicken on my arm. Style is important as fuck.
9. She must be politically astute
Both major political parties are corrupt and morally bankrupt. I don't mean politics in that sense. I mean politics in the realm of black empowerment and advancement. She's gotta recognize the bullshit and be willing to work to counteract it.
10. She probably needs an ass like this (be careful before clicking!)
KZ
13 comments:
I don't like lists but I honestly don't think you're asking for a lot. Except for that ass. Good Luck dude.
I'm pleasantly surprised ... only 3 out of the 10 attributes have to do with sex. :0
I got 9 of your 10 requirements, Zed, but since you find your ex-wife repulsive, and I know how much she ruined you on Samsara, doesn't look like we'd be a good match because I could never give up the Samsara, LOL. Not even for love, LOL! But I hope you find your next Lady Zednanreh...
Yes, the 50dd's are coming with me to the new INSANITY spot. And yes, from time to time, I will post HOW TO items on the blog related to "bud cultivation", and shotgunning, and just about everything else I think I'm an expert on.
And yes, you inspired me through your last post. I really understood how you felt regarding everybody "knowing your name and face" (your post summarized) and I just needed to go for a run to clear my head. I got too many people in my life who want a piece of me, and too many people who know me, that I felt smothered. Through your post, you put words to what I have really been feeling.
Thanks. You're a shining star.
Oh yeah... the "thing" is getting serious, but I'm not sure if I should (or when I should) tell Paul that I am one third of Thelma, Louise, and "Sheniqua", and that I am facing some criminal charges. Charges, by the way, that are trumped up by the Man to keep a Black woman down and out...
LOL. Okay, I was dramaticizing right there (you know how criminals are when they claim they're being victimized by the System). Come Thursday, I'm ready to take it like a real woman!
Now see, was that so bad?
...BTW, is that woman in #10 airbrushed? That just doesnt look natural...LOL
"she must like porn"
HAHAHAHAHA
your list is both hilarious and straight on point. i can't be mad at a brotha who wants her woman to dig porn.
now about that "appropriately sexy" thing...it sounds like you're a prude. surely, you're not a prude.
my next question to you is gonna be "where's the most outlandish spot you've had sex?"
@Honest
I think I'm being pretty reasonable, INCLUDING THE ASS!!!
@Chele
Sex really isn't the biggest factor. I get always get that someplace else. LOL!
@Insanity
We can work on the 10th requirement. Tonight. My place.
Your dude Paul will have to understand that sometimes the "system" catches the best of us.
@Chezniki
I've seen most of her films. It's natural all right.
@Nikki
I'm not a prude at all. I've had a woman try to give me head on a dance floor. NOT COOL. I've also had the misfortune of having a run in with the law regarding public sex. Also, NOT COOL.
@Mack
Cherokee is the new high water mark in the biz asswise. Adina Jewel is a monster, too, in the skills category. And that one chick with the "Motherland" tattooed on her ass.
KZ
zed...
YIKES. on the DANCE FLOOR?
okay, there IS a limit to public fucking. i guess cuz i've never even considered doing it like that, i didn't even think that was a possibility. i was talking about sex like in a car somewhere (or a nice closet for that matter...)
Well I am not much of a dress for success kind of girl, but if you go with me I will dress anyway you like. And the Azz? I didnt click the link but it hink Mine is cute enough. Mus "Like Porn without talking aobut what she has on? What about talking about how that couldnt feel good and has to hurt? Or laughing at the fatty chicks who are on there.
But I Have your back everytime! :-))
BDW aka godbabymama
Good list - did you see mine, not half as eloquent Zeddy. And oh my, first Buffie, now Cherokee with her big old ass. It's like white women and their big, awful, boob jobs - looking all freakish and shit. And how come the rest of her bod don't look as firm as the ass. So what is she just doing squats and forget about the rest the bod?!?
LOL at numero 4. Appropriately sexual....yeah.
Never underestimate numero 6. Agree to disagree, but have each other's back. That is the truth!
This doesn't seem hard to find, but let you and any other brotha tell it -- this sista doesn't exist, so what will you settle, for....that's the question HA!
@Nikki
Once you're in handcuffs because you're getting a blowjob in public, your whole view on that shit changes. Believe me.
@Godbabymama
It's not really "dress for success". It's a sense of style. I don't want a chick in freakin' suit all the time.
All the comments on the porn ruin my enjoyment. Get into the game!
@BJ
I love you with all my heart, but don't talk bad about Cherokee!
@SJ
I've been close many, many times to finding her. She's elusive as fuck.
@InsanelySane
You know if you had THAT ASS, I'd have already proposed. Shit, I'm close now!!!
KZ
Hi Zeddie. Nothing to add here. Moving on to the next post...
YIKES @ Cherokee's azz. You can't handle alla that. Stop frontin'...
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