Hey y'all! The following is an actual phone conversation between me and my good friend, Three.
KZ: What's up, man?
3: I can't call it, playa. What's hood, African?
KZ: Awww, African you know how I do.
(This is faux street talk. We've acknowledged we're old men now, so we're mocking ourselves.)
3: How's the Anus, kid?
KZ: It sucks, man. You been readin' the blog?
3: Nope. Not in awhile. What's goin' on with Batshit?
KZ: Everybody loves Batshit. That's funny. I haven't talked to her in about a week and a half. I think she's fuckin' sick of me.
3: I don't blame her ass. Good for Batshit! Other than that, how is it?
KZ: It's killin' me. I can't get laid for shit. I'm under a damn microscope so I can't even go straight hood a pull a chick.
3: Me and James (another one of our boys) was crashin' on yo' ass the other day.
KZ: Why?
3: We was laughin' at your misery. Yo' ass is makin' a lot more money, you're in a prominent position and you can't even enjoy it. You can only get gully when you come home, where you're nobody. We was callin' yo' ass "The King of the Desert". Yeah, you runnin' shit, but what? You're the king of nothing.
KZ: That's a pretty apt analogy, muthafucka.
3: You got any prospects?
KZ: A couple. I always got a couple. Conversion is a bitch. I've only converted one prospect the whole fuckin' time I've been here.
3: My girl, Batshit!
KZ: Yo' girl, Batshit!
Get Free,
KZ
16 comments:
The King of Nuthin. Dang. That's tragic.
I haven't been around that long so I'm going back to read about Batshit. Be back.
I think I'm pretty much up to speed now. Damn!
BTW -- do you know hard it is to read your blog at work with those big ass coffee cups on my screen? :) Have a good weekend!
@Chele
I'll do better with my next design, trust me.
KZ
Apt name for my man Zed!
I don't love Batshit...she's just been the constant.
I'm calling child protective services if you see the girl child tonight!! lol
You gettin' gully THIS weekend when you get home?
Hard out there for a Pimp huh?
Yeah I can't believe that shit got an Oscar... like you can't believe Batshit got a starring role in your life! Lol.
I'm howwwling I love that analogy "King of the desert"..brilliant
Tell 3 I said "what up" :-)
That is a MOST adept manipulation of the decription of your current status.
Master of Nothing (except your own nuts) LOL
lata
You know what Zed The only time Africans talk about their boys not getting any ass is when they ain't getting any..lol yo boys are probably getting even less ass than you are...lol..Probably makes them feel better making fun of you since they can't any pussy in their own hometown...lol
thanks for saying something, chele. i was wondering about that damn template, too.
zed...there is no quality ass in anus. you're gonna have to step outside of that hole to find some.
Why can't you just be with Thelma, I like her? Batshit, Caramel and the rest of the gang are just too crazy.
What up Zed?
Diggin' the new template! See how your creativity blossoms when you abstain from the pootang?
heh heh heh
Better than King Shit! .
I like the green ... nothing better than a man who listens and follows directions! Smooches!
APPLICATION FOR A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
Name of Boyfriend/Fiancé/Husband:
I request permission for a leave of absence from the highest authority in my life for the following period:
Time of return
Date: Time of departure: NOT to exceed:
Should permission be granted, I do solemnly swear to only visit the locations stated below, at the stated times. I agree to refrain from hitting on or flirting with other women. I shall not even speak to another female, except as expressly permitted in writing below. I will not turn off my mobile after two pints, nor shall I consume above the allowed volume of alcohol without first phoning for a taxi AND calling you for a verbal waiver of said alcohol allowance. I understand that even if permission is granted to go out, my girlfriend/fiancé/wife retains the right to be pissed off with me the following week for no valid reason whatsoever.
Amount of alcohol allowed (units) Beer Wine Liquor Total
Locations to be visited
Females with whom conversation
is permitted
IMPORTANT – STRIPPER CLAUSE: Not with standing the female contact permitted above, I promise to refrain from coming within one hundred (100) feet of a stripper or exotic dancer. Violation of this Stripper Clause shall be grounds for immediate termination of the relationship.
I acknowledge my position in life. I know who wears the trousers in our relationship, and I agree it’s not me. I promise to abide by your rules & regulations. I understand that this is going to cost me a fortune in chocolates & flowers. You reserve the right to obtain and use my credit cards whenever you wish to do so. I hereby promise to take you on an unlimited shopping spree, should I not return home by the approved time. On my way home, I will not pick a fight with any stranger, nor shall I conduct in depth discussions with the said entity. Upon my return home, I promise not to urinate anywhere other than in the toilet. In addition, I will refrain from waking you up, breathing my vile breath in your face, and attempting to breed like a (drunken) rabbit.
I declare that to the best of my knowledge (of which I have none compared to my BETTER half), the above information is correct.
Signed - Boyfriend/Fiancé/Husband:
Request is: APPROVED DENIED
This decision is not negotiable. If approved, cut permission slip below and carry at all times.
………………………………………………………………………………………… …………………
Permission for my boyfriend/fiancé/husband to be away for the following period of time:
Date: Time of departure: Time of return:
Signed – Girlfriend/Fiancé/Wife:
@know what I'm sayin'
You're gonna be pissed at this next post, sweetie.
@BB
Batshit is fuckin' around with this cat from ATL. She might be holdin' down the dirty south in a minute.
@Mack
I feel like Thurston Howell III on this fuckin' deserted island.
@Honest
I'd laugh too if it didn't hurt so bad!!!
@Robyn
Ya boy Three is in L.A. right now, enjoying himself with a woman with the biggest ass in the midwest. He's my fuckin' hero.
@Slish
This was pretty common occurence. These cats do a monthly "round-up" of what's up in the crew. I get a regular clowning, I would guess.
@Nikki
You guys are hurting my feelings on my old template. I made it in 10 minutes at work. This one? I made it in 5 minutes at home. I suck at this.
The next post will be good, trust me.
@nonirose
I gotta a sickness, I tell ya!
@"n"
Nuttin', baby. What's up with you?
*standing in my best mack pose*
@Supa Sister
Anything you can do to help a brother leave all this creativity behind would be appreciated.
*eyebrows moving up and down rapidly*
@BDW
I pretty much am King Shit. It's all the same.
@Chele
It's all for you baby!
@Chechecoolay
A lot of thought went into that contract, but only a sucker would sign it. A "real one" never puts anything in writing, especially not a promise to abstain from being a dude!
Nice try, though.
KZ
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