"I hate movies with subtitles."
"I'm a vegetarian, except for fish, chicken and bacon."
"Jazz makes me sleepy."
"I ain't putting that in my mouth. That's nasty."
"You always readin'. What for?"
"Un-uhn! You crazy!"
"That's too much porn."
"I only eat that with gravy."
"Oooh, turn that up! That's my jam!" ("seat dancing" ensues)
"Me and dat African used to get fucked up together."
"...so I had the second baby to get him back."
"My favorite movie is Fatal Attraction."
"You've just never heard real good preachin' before. Come to my church and you'll see."
"What's the quickest you ever fell in love?"
"It don't taste right without pork."
"Bartender, I can't taste the liquor. Can you put more liquor in this?"
"I love shrimps!"
"Even though he stabbed my last boyfriend, we wuz still cool. You know, for the kids."
"I'm a ride or die chick!"
"What's going on now?" (during a football game)
"I almost got double promoted, too. My mama wouldn't let them."
"Buy me ____________."
37 comments:
LOL! He stabbed my last boyfriend but we still cool for the kids?!?!? LOL! Folks are crazy.
LMMFAO! Good post. Why he doesn't get a reply:
"Do you fuck?"
"Well, I still live with my wife, but. . "
"My kid's mother is a b*tch.."
"How good a time are we planning to have? Cuz I need to know how much I should take out of the ATM."
"Wanna smoke?"
"I'm real decorative."
There is PLENTY more where that came from. Shoot, I may need to dedicate a whole post to this myself. HAHAHAHA
@CG
I never find out they're "Ride or Die" chicks until we're out.
I went back to your page and wrote a little more. Your post could really be spread over a zillion posts. Politics really break my heart.
@Mrs. TJ
You just don't know. They are out here. I had that conversation with a chick when I was 27. She's cool with the babydaddy even though he stabbed her last boyfriend.
@BZ
You know the woman's version of this would be extremely interesting.
KZ
*dead* @ "I love shrimps" LMAO!!!
Someone needs to do the woman's version for real. I don't even have the energy...would piss me the eff off!!
Never too much porn!!
Well unless it's making you call in sick from work and you forget to eat and you use the bathroom where your sitting/laying down.
ONLY then...is it way too much porn.
I love shrimps too. I don't care what nobody say - dem shits was good!
HA!
@RD
I need to see the women's version. I really do.
@Blah
You know that don't count, right?
KZ
Do u swallow?
This entire list is toooo funny. I can't even pick out a line to comment on.
BZ: I, too, have had a man ask me how much fun we're having so he can go to the ATM. I didn't know what to say...LOL!
I loved this.
What the hell is wrong with Fatal Attraction? :)
I remember I stopped talking to a guy because he "accidentally" hit the play button on his DVD and porn appeared. That pissed me off ... don't be a punk if you wanna indulge just say that. Don't try to be sneaky to gauge my reaction. I don't mind porn, I do mind you being a punk.
@Papi's Princess
That's not a legitimate question. He should just cum in your mouth and find out.
@Dynasty
I don't even get why a dude would ask that.
@Mack
Those are classics!!!
@Chele
That was a hoe assed move. They usually just see the stack piled up on the DVD in my bedroom. They haven't even seen the computer!
Fatal Attraction sux!
KZ
LMAO! I thought it was "Schrimps"
that was classic!
i need to think of a list of my own.
LMAO@this post.
and of course, any mention of "it don't taste good without gravy" or "it tastes better with pork" made me think of oral sex.
ya girls sound crazy, but you already know this.
Damn...I'd swear this was one half of the dialouge from my last blind date.... (an old lady from my church decides to hook me up with her niece) "Baby my niece is sooooo sweet you'll just love her"... This bitch had a stab wound (fresh) on her neck ... and wanted to take me to the club she got stabbed at... the date ended shortly thereafter.
Where do these chicks hide during the day ??
okay i am way late and i didn't feel like posting this comment on the rightful spot, so Cotton Candy...short is CC and i think that is softer than apple..but anyways about the candy, did they have the flavored chews, the ones that used to cost a penny? if so, can you send a sista some along with the penny cookies with the strawberry icing on top of the cookie...yah feeling me?
Knowing what a football fanatic I am...any chick asking me what is happening during the game would be escorted out immediately.
And yes, the proper spelling is SKRIMPS. LOL
I LOVE YOU!!!
This was the funniest shit EEEEEVER!
I have found out the show is at Chene (sp?) Park.
Aug 9th. Will you be around? We MUST see each other... The pictures of our meeting will be YOUR department. I just wanna um... sing to you... :)
*snickering*
P.S.
Oooh Zeddie when we go out can we go to da skrimp place this one dude took me to?
You know yall is kinda different but if you take me there I might treat you the same hahahaha!
@All
I forgot my fuckin' all time favorite: "That bitch be hatin' on me!"
@Honest
My chicks be hood, but not THAT hood!
@Tony
I'm glad you can vouch for me. I'm sure you've heard some variations on these relationship killers.
@Aqua
I know one thing on your list.
"...I'm just sayin', you got some pretty ass lips."
@Nikki
How do you know they weren't about oral sex? Nasty!
@1
Fresh stab wound? Fuck! That shit is nuts!
@Mack
I'm serious, Mack. Why is that cat askin'?
@Truthz
So you think I should be called Cotton Candy? That's fucked up.
LOL @ Penny Cookies. I remember those shits fondly!
@1969
I absolutely love female football fans. I can't get enough of 'em. My mama,Nikki, Blah, Miss Ahmad, and you. Y'all are the shit!
@SanginDiva
If you'll be at Chene on the 9th, I'll make a special trip to Detroit to see you. Any pics I take of you and I will have to be on my Flickr since I have a "no direct pics of me on the blog" policy.
I'll buy you skrimps if you wear them booty shorts!
KZ
lol..Zed likes em Thugged Out.
"I hate movies with subtitles."
I also hate black and white movies...
"Oooh, turn that up! That's my jam!" ("seat dancing" ensues)- 9 times outta 10, its an old hip hop or old school joint that I ain't heard in a minute, and yea, I do go a bit crazy, music does something to me...
I guess thats why you never call me...*lol*
And I'ma ride or die chick...oh well...
RobMack, meaningless sex does suck, but I guess thats from a woman's point of view...
"When are we gone get our chance?"
"When can I see you?"
"I don't eat pussy..."
"Why don't you ever answer yo phone?"
"I've been knowing you for years, why can't we?"
"I wanna fuck you sooo bad"
"Why you be treating me like a lame ass nigga?"
"I know you used to fuck with my boy, but still...."
I wish a motha would do that!!!!!!
Don't forget me in that list of female football fans! :-) GO PATRIOTS!! (And no, I ain no bandwagon b*tch, either. I been sweating them since the 80s and grew up within WALKING distance of Sullivan Stadium, aka Foxboro Stadium, aka EMC-woops-Gillette Stadium.) Despite the fact that we lost our guts to free agency, I think we have a good shot at a decent season this year. LOL
umm i thought it was
I Loves me some Scrimps!
and secondly if i don't ask you to buy me a ticket to the football game, how am i gonna be able to sit next to you?
damn!
This list is priceless. I've heard some crazy shit, but this beats them all.
@L and TV
You'd be surprised how un-thugged out these women APPEAR. I be gettin' fooled, man.
@Nsane
You hate movies with subtitles? Really? You're missing some good stuff.
That seat dancing shit involves touching my radio (don't touch my radio) then wildin' out to some Nelly, Lil' Jon, Dipset, etc. Never cool old school shit.
Being a "ride or die" chick doesn't have to involve SAYING AD NAUSEAUM "I'm a ride or die chick". That's like someone who's always saying "I'm smart" or "I'm cool". If you are you don't always have to say it out loud and proclaim it. That's my thing.
By the way, when we gon' get our chance? When am I gon' get to see you? Remember, I don't eat pussy.
@Papi's
LOL. Don't get mad at me!!!! I just wouldn't ask.
@Mariposa
Seat dancing is a no-no. At least before I get the pussy. After that, I stop caring about all the shit on this list.
I'll buy you whatever you need to help you do that thing I need you to do. LOL
@BZ
I'll add you to the list, but I gotta deduct points for Patriot dedication. I hate the Patriots just slightly more than the Broncos. It basically stems from Tom Brady being the quarterback.
@Miss Ahmad
I'd buy a woman almost anything. Except an engagement ring. She just can't ask me for it.
@T Cas
I find some winners, I tell ya.
KZ
This list was hilarious!!
I once didn't call a guy again because upon visiting his apartment for the first time, I glanced in his bedroom and he had a lavender comforter set on his bed. Lavender as in light purple. I exited the apartment not too long after seeing that.
@LS
Damn, you know what's funny? I bullshit you not, my mother sent me some lavender bedsheets she found on sale that I have on my fuckin' bed RIGHT NOW!!! I'm not joking! I gotta ditch them shits before I miss out on a hot mama.
KZ
O.K. I read this post during a meeting at LAX at the HEAD of the board table. And everyone kept wondering why I was making those faces. Too much. Too much indeed.
"Hey lady...I call you. If you don't call me back...I gonna' mad at you" - Horny African
"you were cool at first"
"why you only busy when i call?"
""i promise i'll take it right out"
""no i've never done this before, but i wanna try it with you"
"i hope i ain't telling on myself when i say this..."
"my homeboy's girl is always doing that. i told them YOU would never go for no shyt like that"
"can i use your bathroom?"
"you care if i finish this off? (as they look into the fridge)"
"you wanna go to dinner? well, let me have a quick conversation with my wallet first, then i'll get back to you"
"i useta do that shyt all the time, then i got turned off. maybe i was doing it too much"
BELIEVE me, i could go on and on and on and on and on... (i have seven brothers)!!!!!!
@Isha
Those African cats seem to do pretty well with the ladies. Maybe I need to emulate that shit.
@FA
That's what I'm talking about. I'm trying to gauge just how lame I could be perceived.
The one and only one night stand I've ever had was sealed by the phrase "Can I use your bathroom?" Ol' girl blew my spot up post-bonin'. It was the last time I ever saw her.
KZ
and what exactly constitutes "good" preaching? People falling out on the floor and shit?
This is all friggin hilarious! But fallen angel got it with *i promise i'll take it right out* or the other version "i promise i'll pull out in time*
LMAO
@Stilts
Exactly! But the thing is, when people ask me about religion and I give them an answer, it's never good enough. I don't discuss religion casually, but people around here seem to bring it up incessantly. So when I say "organized religion is a sham" I get "well, you've just never heard good preaching before".
Apparently, I've been doing too much thinking. I need to let myself get convinced and carried away by emotion. That's the trick!
@OneFrom
I never make promises I don't plan to keep. "I'm keepin' it in whilst I paint your uterine walls white."
@CG
No one NEEDS a Gangsta Bitch. I think even Apache has probably backed up off that dumb assed assessment.
KZ
LOLOLOL. So sorry about that. I had a date where the dude kept spittin out the window and yellin all loud about the check and shyt. No sir. LOL.
I LOVE THE BLOG!!!!! Im lovin all the old school albums on there!
This one should be a MEME called, "Why I said (h*ll) no!" Im gonna work on it and get back to you...(smile)
I can't stop laughing. I can't stop laughing. I can't stop laughing. Somebody help me. I just scared my cat. I can't stop laughing.
THAT WAS HEEE-LARRY-US! HA!
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