I hope all y'all are recovering nicely from the trichinosis you got from the ribs this weekend.
I'm reading and writing this morning, sad to be at work on July 3rd, a day I could've taken off for all intents and purposes. I just figured I'd be OK in a 3/4 empty office. And it's been cool so far. I snuck in my Futurama DVDs to play on my computer, so I won't be too bored in this piece.
I was in Detroit this weekend. Slipped in again. The problem was this time I ran into a gang of my frat brothers at this street festival. Dudes was pissed. I'm the cat that doesn't return calls or tell them when I'm coming to town. I think my sands Jigga said it best. "Fuck you, African!" That summed up the sentiment of the collective.
I went home to see if I could empty the contents of my nut sack into a pretty young lady. Alas, it was to no avail. I made the calls late and missed everyone, except the ones I didn't wanna see. Like LoLo, who inexplicably is still trying to get poked. She left me a five minute voicemail message in Spanish. Five entire minutes. I guess it doesn't seem long when you say it, but think about that. Five fuckin' minutes in a language I can't understand. I think she might believe that knowing Spanish might be hereditary. It's not.
So I'm back in Satan's Anus and my boss has invited me to enjoy the 4th with his family. There are just 2 problems with that: 1) I don't ENJOY the 4th. Ever. It's a day off that has nothing to do with my heritage. 2) As nice and as "Midwestern" a gesture it is, I can't go. Nothing against his family, but I don't enjoy family gatherings ESPECIALLY if it's not my family, people I can actually tell to go fuck off. So I'll let him know today that I'll likely be heading back to Detroit to hang out with some friends and thank him for his generous offer. Yeah, I'll lie.
I'll eventually buy a grill, and probably catch salmonella or avian flu while trying to cook chicken. Enjoy your time off and I'll catch y'all later.
Peace,
KZ
I'm reading and writing this morning, sad to be at work on July 3rd, a day I could've taken off for all intents and purposes. I just figured I'd be OK in a 3/4 empty office. And it's been cool so far. I snuck in my Futurama DVDs to play on my computer, so I won't be too bored in this piece.
I was in Detroit this weekend. Slipped in again. The problem was this time I ran into a gang of my frat brothers at this street festival. Dudes was pissed. I'm the cat that doesn't return calls or tell them when I'm coming to town. I think my sands Jigga said it best. "Fuck you, African!" That summed up the sentiment of the collective.
I went home to see if I could empty the contents of my nut sack into a pretty young lady. Alas, it was to no avail. I made the calls late and missed everyone, except the ones I didn't wanna see. Like LoLo, who inexplicably is still trying to get poked. She left me a five minute voicemail message in Spanish. Five entire minutes. I guess it doesn't seem long when you say it, but think about that. Five fuckin' minutes in a language I can't understand. I think she might believe that knowing Spanish might be hereditary. It's not.
So I'm back in Satan's Anus and my boss has invited me to enjoy the 4th with his family. There are just 2 problems with that: 1) I don't ENJOY the 4th. Ever. It's a day off that has nothing to do with my heritage. 2) As nice and as "Midwestern" a gesture it is, I can't go. Nothing against his family, but I don't enjoy family gatherings ESPECIALLY if it's not my family, people I can actually tell to go fuck off. So I'll let him know today that I'll likely be heading back to Detroit to hang out with some friends and thank him for his generous offer. Yeah, I'll lie.
I'll eventually buy a grill, and probably catch salmonella or avian flu while trying to cook chicken. Enjoy your time off and I'll catch y'all later.
Peace,
KZ
35 comments:
YES, FIRST!
I'll probably be the only one today as it seems you and I are the only fukkers actually in any office in any city around the country. Massa got me chained to the tree today but I'm going to try to escape as soon as I fukkin can.
I was supposed to be going home (Jersey) for the holiday. My Aunt has this big azz cookout every year and this year I'll miss it...WHY? Cause I gotta fukkin work today and I ain't tryna sit in traffic driving north for one day when 9 times out of 10 there won't be shyt coming off that grill that I can eat...I always gotta travel with my own groceries if I wanna eat *sigh*
That said, my tomorrow will be pretty boring. I wish we had a beach nearby that I could go lay out at (I am way behind on my sun intake). Ok I'm rambling...mainly because I don't have a soul to actually talk to. Let me go catch up on some reading. Have a safe trip to Detroit...
I actually found out on Friday that I had today off. Just chillin' around the house getting some REAL writing done. Thought I'd take a break and check you out.
@RD
Always first, even when you're not! *wink*
As hard as cookout season is for me as a non-red meat eater, as a vegetarian this has gotta be horrible!
Maybe you can help me come up with a good excuse to tell my boss why I'm not coming to his house for his cookout.
@Chele
Damn, that had to be a nice surprise!
You and SupaSister are the most "actually" prolific writers I know on the blog, so keep writing so I can be inspired.
KZ
i took off today. i need some time to get my house (literally) in order. i also bought a new bed over the weekend, and it's being delivered today. tomorrow i will blow the few pounds i've lost :(
@Aqua
You bought a new bed? Is that to exorcise old demons or did you just "wear out" the old one?
I really ought to get a life and stop speculating on all the "oochie-coochie" going on out there.
KZ
i'm recovered from the trichinosis but the Mad Cow is still flaring up. LOL
I'm on vacation this week, so I had a built in excuse to avoid the bosse's big 4th of July blowout. Otherwise, I woulda had to lie too.
@Cas
I just called him here from work to tell him I'd be going to Detroit.
I'm sure it'll be a relief to not have to shelter his female relatives from the giant Black man.
KZ
Royce and Zed Your are not alone.. I'm in the office too.
Royce That reminds me gotta tell phoenix to make sure we have some vegetarian dishes for people like yourself...
Zed getting ass is all in the planning...Did you call her before you got there ? lol
Ya'll aren't hip to the Tofu Steaks with Bar B Que Sauce?!
WTF I can make bar b que tofu soo good all you'll need is some potato salad and a lil bit of bread on the side.
Although I'm not a vegetarian, I just eat like one:-)
@Zed...tell him your boo is in town and ya'll going be doing "Boo shyt" I'll even make like your Boo *smile*
@Slish...I can bring some shyt if you like.
@Miss Ahmad..Tofu ribs (actually I think they are soy). Haven't had them yet but will likely try them at Slish's cookout LOL!!
@Slish
Everything that happens to me is my fault. I don't like to call ahead because I'm flaky. If I call ahead, I have to be there and not sell out. So I'm tied down to these plans. If I really wanted it to go down, I would've just called before hand.
@Miss Ahmad
I had one experience with Tofu. It wasn't a good one. It slowed my actual progression to vegetarianism.
@Bluey
I'm in this bitch watchin' Futurama! This is as close to vacation as I'm gonna get in awhile.
4th of muthafuckin' July. These muthafuckas are talk about this shit without a hint of irony. That shit takes balls.
@RD
First we gotta practice being "boos" so it's believeable. You know, practice.
KZ
@CG
Miss Ahmad knows what's up. The meat industry is trying to get at us with substitutes even. I tried to buy this chicken sausage to grill, the shit had a pork casing. I can't even opt out a little. It's a conspiracy!
KZ
I feel ya on the vegetarian thing. It's hard for me around cookout time too, being that I only each hot dogs, steak, chicken, turkey, potato salad, baked beans, and corn on the cobb.
What's a girl to do?
@L and TV
What? No ribs?
KZ
bbq tofu is so good! i'm not vegetarian either, but enjoy good tofu. the riblets by gardenburger are good as well.
and no i needed a new bed. my ex was supposed to build me a platform bed, which he never did. i bought one instead. but i did break my old one :)
I have a question? DOes it turn u on when a women speaks to u in another language?
@Aqua
How did y'all break it? Did you do that sex meme? You need to!
@Ill Nana
In and of itself, it doesn't turn me on. If I can feel the passion in how she's saying it, it probably would.
She was, however, bitchin' at me in Spanish. From what I could tell she was admonishing me for not picking up the phone and implying I was fuckin' another broad. That didn't turn me on.
KZ
no comment! LOL
i might do that sex meme...i don't feel like blogging about too much these days. i'm still down.
does that mean you want me to stop talking dirty to you in pig latin?
ZED why do I love your ass?
I mean I swear you are like the african I would love to hate... but we are so much alike- I can't hate on you.
See you say all the shit I won't in my blog-
'cause I would shock too many white folks who pay me :)
I think you should tell your boss that to be surronded by white folks in their backyard- makes you uneasy.
That although slavery is "officially" over-
just thinking about being surrounded by so many white folks takes you back... and makes you fear for your life.
or you can say-" WHITEY PULEEZE! You want me to come coon for yo' ass in the back yard so you can say you gotz a token african "friend"?!!
FUCK THAT! The only way I'm commin'
is if it's up in yo' daughter BITCH!! "
Lemme know how that works for you, mmkay?
oh, and after her fires you and then proceeds to fuck you up KKK style... you can come live with me.
(for the day)
I got caught out there with that turkey sausage in the pork casing as well...my whole body including my scalp and throat started to itch...then I went back and read the package...teeny weeny fine print 'pork casing'...more evidence that I shouldnt be eating processed meat of any kind...only thing is that I luuv sausage. Oh Well
:-[
Happy National Sunburnt Day...cause some of us aint free yet...
:-P
@Aqua
I'd like you to put A LITTLE more of ya business out in the street like the rest of us!!!
Just for our amusement.
@Miss Ahmad
Pig Latin might get me off!
I don't understand why she always talks to me in Spanish. I can't speak it, she's not of hispanic descent, I don't get it. She's trying to appropriate some exoticness when Black folks gave meaning to that word.
@SanginDiva
You hit the nail on the head! He could say one day that Zed has been over to his house when he needed a trump card on being called a racist.
On top of that, I need to be comfortable on my day off. Fuck watchin' my p's and q's and h's and shit.
If you let me stay for the day, I think I could convince you to let me stay for the night.
KZ
@Chez
You luv sausage? Ain't nobody helped you out with that yet?
KZ
Zed & Ahmad: Mango Lemonade is da she-ite!!!! Lub it.
Well, I live in a city that never sleeps but I ain't got shit to do...so what do I do? I decide to take a walk down 1-2-5...and $450 later...I am back home and believe me...I ain't leaving the house anymore today. I can't be trusted with a wallet and a debit card.
*vegetarian? Eff that...I need my meat ;-)
@Blah
So I guess you found the Country Time, hunh? Did you spike it with liquor?
I know you love your meat. And somebody else's too!
KZ
i'll be getting around to it.
I bet you could....
that's why I gotta watch yo' ass-
You'll have me caught up, give me a blog nickname,
and the next thing I know I'll have a few posts about how i won't leave you alone!
Oooh Blah you gots your mangoe lemonade on!
that's how you get the summer party started!
I hope you added some vodka to it too!
Zero7, eh? Musically, we might just be sync....
Not Bird Flu...that would suck. I am sure a sista out there will fix you a plate and then you won't suffer from the Trich through the next week!
i gotta tell you...you have a way of making sex sound like it's the most blissful, intimate, loving act imaginable.
"empty the contents of my nut sack into a pretty young lady."
what, you fucking garbage receptacles now? lol
@Aqua
You're stalling, I just know it!
@SanginDiva
Naw, never that. Not us!
You like GoldenThroat for a blog nickname?
@Miss Ahmad
I gotta try this recipe next, now that Blah has talked it up.
@SJ
I've been listening to this damn Garden State soundtrack for weeks now. And Zero 7 is one of the highlights. Just musically, hunh?
I'm trying to dodge all meat related maladies.
@Nikki
The wording is purposefully chosen to reflect my state of mind. As soon as my nut sac is empty, the respect returns.
*Didshebuythat?*
KZ
Is this bullshit over and can I get to the rest of my week?
@Hassan
It is over. Finally!!!
KZ
damn trichena worms!!!!!!!!!!! like i've been telling my people, yall better get up on that turkey sausage and ground turkey!!!!!! LOL
I actually like the 4th mainly because it means I get a day off and it also means that my birthday is approaching. Wow I just got it. The 4th is all about me :-).
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