Mama Zednanreh: How are you doing?
KZ: I'm great. Couldn't be better.
MZ: How's Thelma?
KZ: Well you know how we're not a couple anymore? Well we're REALLY not a couple anymore.
MZ: Not even "friends with benefits"?
KZ: (laughing) Nope.
This conversation was funny to me on four levels. One, that my mother is holding out hope to get some grandchildren through her chosen successor to my ex-wife. Another level, is that she knew the phrase "friends with benefits". Damn television! The third is that she'd even use a euphemism like that. This is the bluntest person I know. My parents came to visit me in college. In a room full of my friends she says "You must be up here buying pussy the way you runnin' through my money!" That's my mother. The fourth is hearing her say that phrase with her southern accent. Some shit is just funnier said with a southern accent.
"I need, Don Corleone, those politicians that you carry in your pocket, like so many nickels and dimes." -Sollozzo, The Godfather
Replace "Don Corleone" with "Three", and "politicians" with "women" and you got the way my homie operates in a nutshell. Anyway, Three is making preparations for me to come through this weekend. He knows the rule. I'll go anywhere there are women, except strip clubs. So he's trying to accommodate. "I got this thick ass 22 year old chick I want you to meet. I told her about you." "What the fuck you tell her?" "I told her you were my boy." And that's that.
In reality, all I wanna do is go to a friggin' baseball game (Tigers, fool!) and chase new women, 'cuz the fun is in the chase. I think that's why I'm igniting all these bridges on a subconscious level.
In addition I finally after much hemming and hawing bought my damn ticket for NYC, so I'll be up in that piece soon.
Enjoy y'alls day,
KZ
"I need, Don Corleone, those politicians that you carry in your pocket, like so many nickels and dimes." -Sollozzo, The Godfather
Replace "Don Corleone" with "Three", and "politicians" with "women" and you got the way my homie operates in a nutshell. Anyway, Three is making preparations for me to come through this weekend. He knows the rule. I'll go anywhere there are women, except strip clubs. So he's trying to accommodate. "I got this thick ass 22 year old chick I want you to meet. I told her about you." "What the fuck you tell her?" "I told her you were my boy." And that's that.
In reality, all I wanna do is go to a friggin' baseball game (Tigers, fool!) and chase new women, 'cuz the fun is in the chase. I think that's why I'm igniting all these bridges on a subconscious level.
In addition I finally after much hemming and hawing bought my damn ticket for NYC, so I'll be up in that piece soon.
Enjoy y'alls day,
KZ
47 comments:
Man your mom sound like mine..that's old school right there...str8 no chaser...
what tha freak...now I can post the link to my real blog grrrrrrrrrrrrrr
http://mznewagenda.blog-city.com
*can't* you musta been getting spammed
See you in August boo!
@Newy
My mom is the truth!
The reason I changed my comment section is because I've been getting some cowardly assed anonymous comments. I just wanted to make them accountable.
I'm sorry sweetie.
Mommas, I swear. Queens upon the Throne! I love my mom so much, but she can sho grind on my nerves! "Insanity, I'll be glad when you come get this bad ass, cussing gal of yours!" "If you pay me for babysitting, I don't want no check because checks can bounce!" "Insanity, if you learn to mind your own biz, you wouldn't have these problems" and so forth.
I'm glad someone thought up the concept of being a homie (like Three) because friends and associates don't take care of ya' like homies do!
I've always believed that its the thrill of the chase with men. Once the lady lets herself get caught, a man don't want her anymore. I swear, men have really short attention spans... You're the best, Zedro!
van hunt
van hunt
van hunt
and someplace called st andrews. I dunno I've only been to detroit once and it was lost most of the time!
mom's sounds pretty gangsta, i likes that in a woman, that' the kinda mama i wanna be.
oops i don't have kids, never mind!
Mom is the TRUTH!!!
Thats how me and my son's relationship will be....
i like your moma. she sounds feisty!
and you're right about our southern accents. i do some stuff sounds crazy coming out from my mouth.
*keep your comments clean* LOL
word! I wanna go to NYC!! DAYUMIT!! I'm jealous....and broke! Have fun at the BBQ for my azz!!!!
@Insanity
If the seed came outta you, I guess it's your perogative to talk to 'em any way you see fit. At least that's the way it is with my mom.
I can't shake the love of a good chase. A good catch ain't bad either!
@Miss Ahmad
I used to walk back and forth past St. Andrews every day going and coming from work. It is around 4 blocks from where I used to live. I've seen a buncha people play there (Common, N'dea Davenport, Jean Grae). Congress and Beaubien Streets. Don't get lost in Detroit again!
My mom has gotten much mellower. She used to be extremely raw. I think it's all the grand kids.
@CG
Get at me (email, please). I don't have an itinerary for what we'll do, but if you wanna roll, you can roll.
@Nsane
This is my mother when I broke up with my longtime girlfriend in college: "Are you crying? I didn't raise you to be crying over no bitch!"
I'll never find a woman like that.
@Aqua
My mother, to high school Zed: "You need to leave this pisstailed hoes alone and concentrate on school!"
She was a damn spitfire.
KZ
@Robyn
You ain't that broke! You can sleep at the foot of my bed.
@Mack
You got women to chase. Shit, I gotta travel to do anything.
Damn, didn't the White Sox just win it all? Y'all need more than one every 90 or so years? Stop being greedy!
KZ
Hey! I might take ya up on that..... holla at me @ the ticket price!
Any more progress on the "donations"? HA!
Speaking of St. Andrews.... that's where The Brand New Heavies AND Van Hunt were last night and I had NOOOOOOOOOO idea they were coming even, and I FUCKING MISSED IT. I am uber-pissed.
Your Mom is the Truth. This is how I try to be with my 15 yr old son. Point blank realness "why do you like that girl, because she has a big butt?", "Don't bring home no stupid or ashy girls, I have no tolerance for either", "If you have sex too early in life you'll fall in love and follow the girl around like a puppy dog and she'll hate you". LOL Sometimes I do have to exagerate with him to make my point. The good thing is he tends to tell me everything.
I have the totally opposite relationship with my moms. Ours is based on keeping as much shit secret from her as possible and her judging when she finds out. If I ever heard my mom say friends with benefits I would crack the hell up.
lol! your mom is hilarious!
Make sure you head to Brooklyn for some sightseeing when you go to NYC.
Have fun in the D!
My mother would turn three shades of purple if I said "friends with benefits" which is ironic because back in the day ... well I ain't tryin' to blow up my mom's spot but she needs to stop frontin'
Once you get to a certain age, is the chase really that much fun? It's probably just me ... I'm too old for that shit.
@Robyn
Which donations? Booty donations?
I had no idea both Van Hunt and the Heavies were in concert together. What type of shit...
@OneFrom
You got no tolerance for ashy girls? Just tell you son to buy a trial size of Jergens at Walgreens for her. I think all teenaged boy KEEP lotion, though not for the prescribed purpose.
@T.Cas
Trust me, my mother judges the hell out of me. I try not to tell her too much. When she asks me something point blank, though, I usually come clean.
@Honest
This time I gotta go to Brooklyn. I haven't been to Brooklyn since '96, so I'm overdue.
@Aqua
Damn, I really missed an opportunity to say some freaky shit to you. I think I musta been preoccupied when I commented before. Shit!
I'll say it anyway: Everything is good going in though. *wink*
KZ
@Chele
The chase does get old. Once I got divorced, I missed it, and jumped back in with renewed vigor.
The good thing is you ain't never too old to get caught, mama.
KZ
@ robyn!
damn damn double damn i heard that van hunt has been stealing the show too. i thought the concert was this weekend, but i guess i was wrong.
i loves me some him, if you get a chance ya'll must check him out!
I'm on it bruh...Places in NYC with single ladies looking to get felt up..GOT IT!!!!...lol
Speakin as the Mama on here, maybe Daddy used to be a FWB! she might notta got it from TV! I mean She IS the African's Mama! Chip dont fall to far from the block.
HAHAHAHAHAHA!
@Miss Ahmad
You had me thinkin' I was gonna get to see this cat in concert! I'm buying you a new calendar.
@Slish
It's all on you, bruh. I know you can't "partake" but you can point ya man in the right direction.
@GBM
I think my ol' man mighta been the friend with NO benefits. He had to eventually get his, 'cuz hell, that's what we do!
KZ
I love your mom, already! She sounds a lot like my own, really. I have had the pleasure of getting on some GOOD quotes today. That pussy comment was one of them! Have fun and use a condom!
i see you with a hip ass mama!!! it cracked my shyt up extra hard when i heard my granny (talking about my brother and his then-newborn son by this chickenhead girl), "he don't need to be trying to give that baby his last name yet. might end up on maury povich running off the stage when he finds out he's 'not the father!'" LOL
Lawd...KZ in NYC. Better alert the authorities...at the very least the hoes.
Looking fwd to meeting ya big boy. ;)
Why did I get new orders from my Massa today...I leave for Atlanta on August 10th, which means the NYC cookout is going to be tough to pull off. I'm goning to do my best...I swear it but ummmmmm it's not looking good at the moment.
Your behavior this weekend will be the deciding factor *wink* Just kidding go on out to Detroit and show my Sorors some love...
@BZ
She's fuckin' tough. I'm still scared of her!
@FA
Damn, Granny peeped her chicken status? LOL @ runnin' up on stage at Maury. That shit is like a coming of age thing for young black men.
@Azul
Yeah, there is a bit of...ahem...inherited vulgarity I guess. A smidge.
@So Wise
Uh Oh! So Wise is gon' be in the muthafuckin' house! It's about to be some shit!
@RD
Why didn't I wait until after work to buy the ticket? Why? Why?
Z, if you're not there...? WTF?
This is really fucked up.
KZ
Man...my mom was straight to the point. My favorite phrase of hers was…I'ts o.k. to have sex, err' body does it...just don't be no fool. Remember: A pussy don't have no face and a dick don't have no conscious so make sure he covers up.
@isha...why did I think my Mom was the only one who said that..."A pussy don't have no face and a dick don't have no conscious" She say it to me and all my girfriends and I'd be so embarrassed...she can be so hood sometimes.
KZ...Don't be mad at me, I swear I am going to try my best to work it out!
I keep my mum as far away from my cohorts as possible. She always says something that is noone esle's business, not even hers.
Love Mom Dukes! And no, you will never find a woman like your mom.
All mothers are one of a kind.
@Isha
That there is pure knowledge. I can't think of no truer shit!
@RD
I hope you can make it. That was, of course, my primary reason for deciding to go.
@1969
Every single one of 'em is an original.
"You're unique, just like everybody else."
KZ
Whats wrong with strip clubs? AInt nothing but ASS N TITTIES>.god bless AMerica
zed i figured you missed what i said! LOL sometimes it's better going in...it just depends how big it is :)
@Ill Nana
The basic premise of strip clubs is flawed. If I wanted to pay for pussy, fuck the music and the dancing. Here's the money, let's fuck.
It's the same thing I hate about dating.
@Aqua
Every single day I like you more and more.
KZ
i don't see anything wrong with going to a strip club. one of my exes and i would go all the time. you read my freak meme :)
oh i know...i get better with time!
lol @ ya moms
I swearrrrrr, if she's not in da Djarum Club with us... SHE SHOULD BE!!!!
*cthu*
Ugh, I do not tolerate hearing my mom talk like that. It's just GROSS. She tries to be all close and cool and down, but I'm not having it. She'll call me in the middle of the night HOPING I was doing something.
her - "I'm not interrupting anything am I?"
me - "No"
her - "Ok, I"ll talk to ya later"
WTH?
Hope Three can help you out...
:-P
With me and my Mom, its the other way around. I spend my life trying to shock her with the realness of life...sometimes she just gets too sanctified for me. I wanna say, "I know you used to be a freak just like me and Granma! Ive got proof! Ive seen the pictures!"
...Oh Well maybe when she gets older she'll have more fun...Ill get her a stripper for her next birthday...BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!
:-o
LMAO at your mother! I would have choked if my mother came at me like that.
The other day my grandmother asked me if I thought about getting married, yet. WTF! What is the rush?
@Aqua
I haven't been to a strip club since 1998, I think. It was for a bachelor party situation. This chick was trying to give me a lapdance.
KZ: I'm engaged
Her: And?
KZ: I'd rather you not touch me out of respect for my woman.
Her: Really? You're so sweet! I wish my man was like that.
KZ: Thank you.
Her: Can I have your number?
True story.
@ES
We gotta get your Djarum situation fixed! It's not right to deprive a muthafucka of their cloves and shit.
My moms was a chain fuckin' smoker all my young life. She didn't quit until I was 22.
@Liquor and TV
A reasonable, grown up talk about sex with my mother MIGHT be welcomed. She just blurts out embarrassing shit.
Has your mom ever really interrupted some shit?
@Chez
I don't need Three's help, but damn if I won't take it.
You need me to chip in to get your moms a stripper? I don't like uptight women!
@Dynasty
Maybe I could meet your grandmother and THEN you'd accept my proposal!
KZ
lol..naw, when something's going down I don't answer the phone, and she doesn't know where I live, so she can't just pop up.
@L and TV
How you not gon' let moms know where you live? You ain't right!
KZ
I know, right. I moved last year and didn't tell her. A few months passed and I got a strange message on my phone "Hey is this Liquor and TV? I'm looking for my daughter, Liquor and TV. This is the 4th Liquor and TV in NC that I'm calling and I hope that this is the right one...etc. This is your mom. Please call me back if this is you..Love ya!".
So she was calling around my state looking for me. She only called 2 other people though. The 3rd person was my other phone line..lol
@L and TV
Damn, you're out cold!!!
There are only two Liquor and TVs in Michigan.
KZ
your mom knows what's up. that's real cool that you have that kind of relationship..
looks like something is going on the nyc in this blogging community.. have fun..
Post a Comment