Thursday, November 17, 2005

Apropos Of Nothing

A.K.A. The Most Generic Post I’ve Ever Written

I woke up to 8 inches this morning. No, I wasn’t looking down in the shower, I was looking out the window. It was snow. Fucking lake effect snow. And it covered my car.

Niggas named “Andre” have stolen or will steal something in their lifetimes. And they cheat on their women. They really think they have a sweet ass name.

The cat that invented condoms had a lot a free time on his hands.

I’m sick of black folks naming their kids after lands they have no connection to whatsoever. Yeah, I’m talking to China’s mom and Asia’s mom.

I once denigrated an ex-girlfriend when she told me she wanted a tattoo. I thought she was trying to tell me something. This was back in 1990 when only porn stars and hookers had tattoos.

I am an utterly unrepentant “ass man”. Breast size is completely unimportant to me. I’m sure that’s surprising to anyone who’s ever read my blog. I don’t covet big titties, but I’ll take ‘em.

My ex-girlfriend’s mother was the first person I ever took a gun from. It was the first time I ever touched a gun and it was just last year. “Stop being so scary!”

I’m flying to Tampa on Saturday to visit my parents for Thanksgiving. I hate the State of Florida. It’s a vapid, cultural wasteland. I think it’s the palm trees. (Sorry, California.)

My parents are from Tampa, born and raised. All my siblings were born there, too. I'm the only born and raised Detroiter. When I tell people my parents are from the south, people ask from where. I say Florida and people laugh. “That’s not really the south.” Sheeeiiittttt! Listen to them niggas talk. Ask about Jim Crow. It’s as southern as you’ll get.

O.K. Butterfly, tell me this: How come a great deal of British speakers so liberally use adverbs? “That’s really quite interesting.” Instead of “That’s interesting.” It’s inefficient! Cut down the verbiage, man.

I absolutely hate lesbian porn scenes.

I saw this woman the other day wearing a belt buckle that read “Cretia”. Then she got in a car, and the license plate read “CRETIA”. Why so proud, Cretia?

Twins are fucking creepy. There, I said it. Sorry Twin, Ms KeKe, and Chubby Chocolate! Byron and Brittani (my nephew and niece), too

I once beat a man to death with a lead pipe.

Just seeing if you’re still reading this shit.

Before I had a college degree it had a level of mystique. I didn’t grow up around a lot of “degreed” individuals. Now it’s just a bill I pay every month.

It won’t stop snowing here.

How am I going to survive Thanksgiving this year and I don’t eat meat? This will be some hard shit.

This year between Thanksgiving and Christmas, I’m going to fast. All liquid. Only broths and beverages. It’s going to suck being around me.

I’m going to invent a complimentary product to use with the “Blackberry” called the “Sweetjuice”.

You know, South Carolina, Georgia, et al, y’all lost that war. Enough with the fucking flag, man.

Why are so many grown men video game addicts? I hate them shits. Get a real addiction like promiscuity or heroin.


twin said...

How can you feel creep about twins, twins are people to. Also you better eat some meat at your momma house or she will beat you like you stole something. What kind of brother fast before the holidays it is apparent you don't want shit for christmas or you think you are to big and want to slim down to get more ass. (there I said it)

Melle Mel said...

Zed, you're going to fuck around and have twins one day - watch.

The_Practitioner said...

Zed you're still my hero. Great random blog entry. I coulda wrote that myself. So In honor of his Zedness, I got my own thoughts.

Is it still a Michigan left if you're doing it in Ohio?

Two dudes watching porn together is gay.

Exactly why does shit stink? And who was the 'tard that first decided to throw it at the fan?

OJ should do it again. I'm all for getting white people riled up.

Why does the word SKEET sound so appropriate and right.

In a homosexual relationship do you flip a coin to decide who's going to be the girl?

Fat girl are wetter.

Is there a heaven for "G" ?

Every second of every day, someone, some where in the world is engaging in coitus.

Chocolate really does have healing powers.


Disco said...

All I have to say is please don't kill the confused ones (inside joke)....cause they are OBVIOUSLY confused A-DAMN-GAIN.....

*shaking my damn head*

Butterfly Jones said...

I really don't know why we use so many adverbs. But it's really quite interesting that you notice that. (See wot I did there?) Crazy Munkee.

Chubby Chocolate said...

Waiting for the Sweeterjuice invention-Oh, by the way, I've just done ju-ju on you...You're going to have twins. :-)

nikki said...

that was a funny rant. and i agree with mskeke70 - you're gonna have twins and it's gonna be two sets of 'em.

Blah Blah Blah said...

*i have flass...we'd never get along
*that comment came close to dissin' the WEST-siiide! lol
*beat a man's pipe?!??
*sweetjuice! sweetjuice!...gimme some sweetjuice!

sj-the-infamous said...

fasting? ok, then on ya birthday, i'ma have cake for U and 4 me...

Anonymous said...

You don't covet big titties...yeah right.

You Know

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She Her Me said...

blackberry sweetjuice... I love it.