Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Buttahead Stew

S'up y'all? Chillin' dude. Enjoying this beautiful fall day in the "Anus". The sun's shining, broads are out jogging and shit. Where do they work? Don't come back to my office after a midday run all sweaty and shit. Take thine ass to a shower!

I'm getting antsy. The winter will be upon my ass with a quickness. I crave, nay, need variety. I gotta get some keepers before the snow falls. And here in the snow belt, it'll be soon. My gaze has been fixed upon the creme de la creme, but now it's time to look elsewhere. It's time to look to the "Buttaheads".

I'm no stranger to Buttaheads, especially during particularly dry periods in my youth. But as I've grown older, using buttaheads as a crutch has been frowned upon by players far and wide. I've been with women with incredible bodies with a fucking lazy eye or fucked up teeth. Bad weaves and huge noses. Or acne'd out. It all works out for a short period of time. Usually from when I meet them right up until spring has sprung.

Don't get it twisted. It's not just me using them, they get a lot out of it too. They get to go out (really, really late) with an attentive, handsome man to all the best places in town (on off nights). They get to see the back seat of a 2000 Chevy Tahoe. They also get to eat breakfast at the finest Denny's in town (at 6:00 am or earlier).

It all works out for the best. If we continue our relationship through the spring they get to experience the drive-in, too and sex leaning up against a tree. Quid pro quo, baby.

So now I'm adjusting my gaze and setting my sights a little lower. 'Cuz winter in Satan's Anus is no joke.

A First Time For Everything
I was driving earlier today. Speeding. Doing 50 in a 30 m.p.h. zone. I got pulled over by the police, a black cop and a white cop. They asked for my license, registration and proof of insurance. Then I told them who I was.

They let me go and apologized for pulling me over. WTF? I took a swing for the fences and hit a home run. That shit was beautiful. I never would have imagined that I could tell some police who the fuck I am and be let go. Maybe the "Anus" ain't so bad after all.

Slow Down,


The_Practitioner said...

The more I read your posts the more afraid I become that I might actually like you. Not in a Y.M.C.A. locker room kinda way, but in a dayum - I would've said it that same way. I salute you. lol

For the record, however, buttheads (or as I like refer to them Late Nights or Jump-offs) or normally regulated to my C-Team and thus they do not get fine dining privilages (not even in winter). The rest of that I may agree on. lol

Blah Blah Blah said...

*shaking my head*
Zed, Zed, Zed....your a piece of work.

and your also...
The Gov'na of the Anus!! YaY...know who's name to throw around when I get pulled over in the Anus..."you know Zed riiight?, that's my cousin's brother's father's son's nephew!

Chubby Chocolate said...

I had no idea there was a word for it. Women do it too.Only what matters is the penis...What would the proper term be for that?

Knockout Zed said...

You gotta consider my idea of fine dining. They get to go to BW3 on Tuesday night at 1:00 am.

Who'd a thunk a knucklehead from the Eastside of Detroit would have some clout? Not me.

Male "buttaheads" are "sepisgrills". "Girl, everything's intact sepisgrill."


Pamalicious said...

Hmmm, the fact I don't know who you are - is quite titiliating,lol and I call em winter blankets but I see alot of bloggers are on the same page.

Yesterday was offically the last day for single people to try to hook up - Holidays are murder on meeting someone. Your next real shot - the week after Xmas - because everyone then wants to journey into the new year with someone,lol

Butterfly Jones said...

You're cold. In Engerland - we call 'em Winter Warmers, strictly for the long dark evenings, and not to be seen on your arm in public. Does that mean if I meet a guy within the next month, I'm his 'buttahead'? Say it ain't so!

Mr.Slish said...

In my hood we call Buttheads Suartys Definition: A Beast that roams the land aimlessly. Be careful they have special skills able bear you some ugly children at an alarming rate...

~ Eclectic Soul ~ said...

Guess I'm outta time then... Why nobody told me this was a race???!!

Knockout Zed said...

It's not too late. We have until late November. We can avoid 'em during Christmas and come back around in the New Year. Trust me I know.

You know good and damn well you ain't nobody's buttahead. Wit' yo' pretty ass!

@Mr Slish
Duly noted, my brotha.

You still got birthday snuggles owed to you. Wit' yo' pretty ass!


Melle Mel said...

"Experience the drive-in and sex against a tree" - Zed, you ain't shit...

Oh and you must be moving up in the world if you got off on a ticket because of who you are - damn!

~ Eclectic Soul ~ said...

Birthday snuggles...? Those sound like party favors!!! *lol*