Thursday, October 12, 2006


I was talking to my mother the other day, and she asked me if I felt OK. I told her I was fine, even though I was sick as hell. She told me I was sick and she told me what I should do to feel better. I laughed. Who was I to tell her I was OK when I was on a static-y phone over 1,000 miles away. She knows what she knows. That's my G.

When I was 12, I asked my parents for an Elite, a Honda scooter. I needed substantial transportation. You see, I'd met this chick at Belle Isle a few weeks before and she lived on the westside. That might as well have been 1,000 miles away, too. I could talk to Tina, but I couldn't see her. So I needed that scooter.

My father was actually on my side, but my mother put her foot down. I whined and begged for that fuckin' E-lite, as we pronounced it, to no avail. You see, a kid from my block got fucked up riding his scooter through an unfamiliar hood. Some cats knocked his ass off as he drove by with a 2x4 to the chest and stole his shit.

One day in the midst of one of my appeals my mother said quite plainly, "This will just be one of those things that you tell your kids you never had. " And so, my appeal was over.

Here I am, 35 years old, still chasing "the elites". All the hope that they'll wise up and understand that I'm all out of "game" is futile. Talking to my mother brought it back to me so clearly. This will just be one of those things that I'll never have. I'm willing to let it be.



Blah Blah Blah said...

...don't let it be. said...

I remember back in the day lying to boys saying that I didn't have a phone, just so I didn't have to talk to them. They wouldn't dare stop by my house cuz they knew my uncle had that pearl handled pistol. LOL! Of course some of those boys were REALLY cute but already into domestic abuse. Ya girl could not get down like that!

Little Brown Girl said...

That's because (as I've been trying to say) you're looking for an "Elite" to transport you from where you are to where you'd like to be and it doesn't work that way. The so called "Elites" of the world are at their best when they can be a compliment to a soul that is already content. You don't hear me though...I know I'm typing in vain.

1000 miles away or won't make a bit of difference until you find some way to be at peace with where you are right now.

I'm done (4 today)

Little Brown Girl said...

one more thing (I know I said I was done but whatever!!!)

How many Elites are in this world? Just wondering how many you think exist? Certainly more then one, No? If there doesn't happen to be any in the Anus but you know there are some say in New York or DC *wink* then isn't it plausable that you will eventually run into another one...two...three? Eventually?

Perhaps in another 12 months when you move out of the Anus there will be an abundance of "Elites" in the next place in your journey...more then one available to you for the asking...and then you'll look back and laugh at how you counted yourself out WAY TO SOON!

That's just my opinon...but Ok now I'm done for real...*maybe*

1969 said...

Zed....I love ya but you have got to shake out of this funk.

What's up man? Is the Anus doing this to you or are you doing this to yourself?

Did you want that scooter because it was really the greatest thing in the world or did you want it because you "thought" you needed it and it looked good at the time?

You are done chasing something you can't have. If you can't have it...maybe it was never the right thing for you? Maybe focusing on something you THINK you want is keeping you from focusing on something else that may be right for you?

Whatever it is, let it go and get back to being Zed.....Maybe you yourself are an Elite?

ChezNiki said... keeping with all these analogies, maybe now that you are grown, you get a whole truck. I mean, instead of riding around cute, but exposed and uncomfortable, you can sit back and ride in comfort.

Maybe what your mother was trying to say is that you will tell your kids..."GirlMunkee, LilZed and BabyKnockout, I wanted that Elite, begged your Grandma for it. But when I got older I tried the Explorer on a lark at a car show and I loved it. Good thing I never got that Elite...coulda been brain dead from falling off of it in the street..."

Anyway, Luvin' the current Lupe quote. Guess Ill have to buy the whole CD since no one will make me a mixed CD with him on it...LOL

nikki said...

zed's is pining over someone. i can feel it cuz i've been there. you'll snap out of it once you realize what will be, will be. all you can do is you.

BZ said...

If I haven't given up, you ain givin' up neither!

Anonymous said...

Hmmmm ... wish I could give love advice but I can't. What exactly is an 'elite'? Not the scooter, but the woman.

onefromphilly said...

OK, alrighty then let's call it DONE!!!!!!!!!
Moving on to the next adventure....

Robert L. Mack said...

what you know about Lupe first of all? LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But all kidding aside, I say keep on chasin' after the elite if it makes you happy. I know I aint ready to stop.

Mr.Slish said...

Whats up with all this metaphorical What you saying! You've given up on finding a good woman! I'm not gonna preach to you. I know its hard. Even when you find her its not going to be easy keeping her. Takes work. You ready to work for that elite Zed ? Maybe thats what you momma was trying to tell ya. If want that elite Zeddy gotta work overtime and earn it....Or maybe its just not your time..:)

Angel said...

why are you so willing to let it be now? just like with the scooter, you didn't just take your mother's first "no" as the why have you started taking other folks' "no" as such?

Knockout Zed said...

My elite magnet has gotta be busted. I think I may have moved too close to the north pole or sumthin'. My hotmail address is dabigplanet. I prided myself on having what Posdnuos called "Gravitational Pull". Anybody, anytime, anywhere.

An elite is anyone or anything I hold of value. Regardless of external input, it's just me. One can find an elite anywhere. Usually they find me.

This place sux. I'm only a halfway decent writer, so I don't think I can convey how much it sux on this blog. Let's just say it shoulda been called Hooverville.

I don't believe there's something I can't have. I might not get the specific one, but I'll get a reasonable facsimile. My end statement is correct, I'll stop chasing the elites. The chase is off. I'm going to sleep.


Phoenix said...

YOu know what I'm a say right? Do what you need to do damn it.

Anonymous said...

You obviously get a huge thrill out of the chase and when you finally get what you don't want it any more. Are you really pining over elite or missing the thrill of getting what you chase? Your mom knew what she was talking about…sometimes what you want, at the time, isn’t necessarily what you need.

Your chase ain't off...the Anus is just too need a bigger arena.

Knockout Zed said...

What do I need to do?

I despise the chase! I prefer the catch.

I'm bored as hell! You're definitely right about one thing, this city is too small.


nikki said...

only a halfway decent writer? zed, if you don't stop that self-defeating bullshit right now you're gonna get cussed the fuck out.

for real.

Knockout Zed said...

Everytime I try to grab some ego about my writing, I get humbled QUICKLY. I now know better!!!


nikki said...

i see i'm gonna have to address you via email.