Monday, February 12, 2007

The Cabaret

How badly I would like to write about my weekend, which was fantastic, but I need to get some shit out there. You, yes you, muthafuckas, who admonished me for being mean to my neighbor, Luther, can suck my tiny, pathetic little dick. Because this is where kindness gets you.

Luther always tries to stop me as I walk across my parking lot to the bank of mailboxes afterwork. He does it so much so, that I now drive to my mailbox. Extreme? Not in the least. Conversation with this muthafucka is unbearable.

His big idea is to buy a banquet hall and use it for a form of party known in the Detroit ghettoes as "cabaret". I'm not talking French Riviera shit, I'm talking about Africans renting a hall, hiring a DJ, and having a B.Y.O.B. event. That's what a cabaret is in Detroit. But it's pretty much a SE thing. They don't do it in SW Mic.higan. Luther wants to bring it to SW With my help.

I told him he should pursue it. He wanted me to be a partner. I declined, I told him my profile in this town wouldn't allow it. Luther asked me if the City would be willing to give him HUD money to start his venture. "What if I had tutoring during the day afterschool and then had cabarets at night?" "Luther, write a proposal, submit it to my department, but I'm not helping you write it and I don't make the call. The citizen's advisory council decided who ultimately gets funded."

So Luther was going to pursue this option. HUD was going to pay for his dream.

He found a building and came up to my gig to talk to my staff about his dream. Then he name dropped me and told them he was my friend. Then he asked for me. And proceeded to keep spouting this bullshit about his plans in my lobby.

I took him into our conference room. "I thought we talked about keeping me out of this?" "I just wanted to let them know I knew people. They didn't seem like they was that happy dealing with me." "Luther, do what you gotta do, but you gotta keep my name out of this, OK?" "I understand, man."

This goonie muthafucka needs a broad. He needs to leave me the fuck alone. I'm about to work on a solution for both of us. I took him out of the office.

"Luther, my frat is having this Fou.rth Friday thing on the 23rd. You need to come check it out..."

Be Cool,


Anonymous said...

I love a cabaret ole chum, come to the cabaret!

Dude is crazy. Explain again why HUD should pay for a bunch of folks to party?

Knockout Zed said...

He's a bonafied idiot. For real.


aquababie said...

dude sounds like h&r block...i got people!

ok, i was were right. he's a needy little mofo!

1969 said...

Luther is a nut. LOL

Hook him up with a sister real quick. All of his plans will take a backseat when he gets a life.

A.u.n.t. Jackie said...

umm does this cabaret include chics that take their clothes off by any chance?

cuz if so he might mess around and get rich without you?

DivineLavender said...

Maybe he was inspired by Ike "Beat That Bitch" Turner winning a Grammy the other night without the artist formerly known as Anna Mae?

*wiping away my tears!*

Angie said...

Zed we need to talk. I've come to look upon you as my younger brother in blog-land. However, the picture of your lips is distracting me! You know what I'm going through up here. The drought is serious. Can you just post a picture of your big toe or something? Just so I can concentrate.....blogland incest......blogland incest.....blogland...incesssst.....damn it :(

BZ said...

Lookatcha with those big, juicy lips!! AHHHH!!! Lemme find out!

Anyway, Luther is a dumba$$ and you need to steer clear of him. Hook him up with a broad and kick him to the f*ckin curb. Just say no!

onefromphilly said...

Damn... now look what you gone and done! You invited him to your social events!!!! WTF! Now he is going to think that you two are boyz, hangin out on Friday's and shit. Don't blame us for this one, you did this all by yo-self!!

Anonymous said...

OMG! We had those Cabaret Parties in the Bronx too. You bought "a table," got dressed up, brought your fam, your own food and alcohol, and you could buy a $5 "set-up" (soda and ten plastic cups) from the window in the back. They also used to have a champayne (sparkling wine) fountain toward the front near the DJ. LOL But the last time I went to one was like 1990! It was something our parents did.

Yeah, Luther is a male stalker and Im not sure the Frat Business Party will help him with that.

SideBar: Didja get to meet Romney during his big announcement in his "home" state?!?!? LOL

Miz JJ said...

Man, I am so Canadian. I have never even heard of a Cabaret.

Knockout Zed said...

When that dude told me he was lonely, I knew he was a homo or a psycho. Of course, neither of those things is mutually exclusive.

I need him to start getting laid on a regular basis. I don't have a life either, but you don't see me buggin' nobody.

@Miss Ahmad
I hope he gets rich and moves. I'll be happy then!

I wish you could meet this dude. I think I'm making him less creepy than he really is.

Your drought? I haven't had sex since September. I used to fuck twice a week. You can't talk drought to me.

As soon as I find a suitable replacement, I'll put you lip fetishists out of your misery.

If a broad will take him, I'd appreciate it.

Do you know every time he catches me outside he says, "I always ask you to hang out with me and you always say 'no'." Now he can feel like he's hanging out with me except I have to be the host. I'll have a lot of other people as buffers and I'll introduce him to women.

I will stab that bastard in the heart if he's not careful.

EXACTLY!!! Those are cabarets to a Tee. My parents used to go to them too. It's some old school shit. They still happen all over the "D" every weekend.

Luther gon' get punched in the throat if he don't accept boundaries.

Good ol' Mitt. I need Mormons. In fact, I kneed one in the nuts this morning.

@Miz JJ
You are not missing a damn thing. Seriously.


Beana said...

LMAO sound like what niggas do in DC...Cabaret. Thats what they do. Well I know a few sorrys that still partake. LOL at luther showing up at ya job. I'm picturing this dude in ERKLE gear but he's like santa's size :-)

Angel said...

i'm with chele. what the cabaret got to do with HUD? and why he wanna subject the kids to an afterschool program in a place that smells like heineken, old spice, and chicken wings???? :-/

NegroPino™ said...

Happy Valentines Day

Knockout Zed said...

Everybody everywhere is doing the same thang. We just got different names for it.

That dude is a goofball.

Heinkein? That's a little too high end for the crowd he's courting.

Is that today? I didn't notice. LOL!

Happy Valentine's Day to you too!


Honest said...

Cabaret's are big here in the DC/Baltimore Urea as well. I've never been but I'm from NY and we just have parties like that in someone's tiny walk up. Happy Valentine's day