Tuesday, March 27, 2007

In Praise (or Defense) of Weak Kneed Passion

I was reading this month's G.entleman's Quarte.rly (GQ for all you abbreviators), the one with Lin.dsay L.ohan on the cover, and I came across an interesting article.

It was written by To.ri Spe.lling's ex-husband. Now, an article like this would usually get passed by, but I stopped because the teaser said he found out his wife was having an affair by seeing her with this other dude in a tabloid. Score one for the paparazzi, I guess. Anyway, he got called to their marriage counselor's office and she's sitting there with the counselor. He thinks he's there for a last ditch effort to save his marriage. He's wrong. Tori tells him she doesn't love him and never has. She says that she can't imagine living another day with him. She said the only reason she married him is because he loved her so much and he treated her well. That was his crime, that Tori didn't get that "weak in the knees" feeling from him.

I'm on Tori's side on this one. I'm not in favor of desecrating the marital bed, that was completely fucked up. But I get it. She settled and it bit her in the ass. She shoulda figured that shit out before she took him down with her.

I think people underestimate the role excitement plays in a relationship, at least early on. If you can't get excited about someone you'll ostensibly be spending the rest of your life with, why bother? Life is fuckin' hard enough without getting shackled in a long, long, long term commitment with a muthafuckin' also-ran.

Though I'm not a romantic or a flitty man-girl, I do believe there is something to be said for fuckin' goosebumps and butterflies when it comes to new relationships and new stages in relationships. Honestly, if it ain't there, why bother? Why the fuck do you wanna call somebody and have them think, "Fuck. Her/him again?" Or knock on the door and be greeted by someone with a blank assed expression? That shit is for the poultry.

Life is too short to be settling for a life without passion.

Word/Life,
KZ

22 comments:

1969 said...

I agree with you Zed. Life is LONG when you are married. You need to always have a little bit of butterflies when you look over at your mate. It makes the time seem shorter.

Good for Tori for getting out, too bad it cost her Dad a $1 million dollar wedding.

Anonymous said...

I know that's right. Too many people (women) settle for half a loaf because they are so desperate to be Mrs. So-and-So. I can't do it. I need to be hot for my man ... life is too long to settle for mediocrity.

Anonymous said...

So my question is this. Was it the wrong relationship or was she just wrong?? Reminds me of how Jerry Seinfeld's wife hooked up with him right after she returned fromm her honeymoon with husband one.

I'm all for happiness, but what happens when your happiness is at someone else's expense?

Knockout Zed said...

@Sixy
That was cheap for her old man. At least he didn't have to watch her reality show.

@Chele
Shit, men settle too. Mostly because they wanna a second mother.

@Sherri
She mighta saw dollar signs with ol' Jerry and jumped ship early. A gang of loot will give you goosebumps. Besides, we all know Jerry ain't the most ethically upright dude. He did date underage Shoshanna Lowenstein for quite a while.

KZ

BKBajan said...

I've discovered that we always get goosebumps for the person that is getting goosebumps for someone else. All right maybe that's just me - I always want it till I get it - then the goosebumps becomes chills - Yea the old damn "you" again. Always the hunter, neva the prey.

onefromphilly said...

HELL FUKKIN YEAH!!!!!

(sorry for cursing, it is still Lent) :-(

A.u.n.t. Jackie said...

i kinda disagree but i don't feel like being yelled at;-)

i think passion gets the party started but love itself is that day in and day out thing that keeps you from being a creep and manipulating someone into marriage.

Miz JJ said...

It is easy to get goosebumps. Falling in love is easy. Staying in love is the hard part. I think there has to be a fine balance, like with most things in life.

She Her Me said...

I'm with MizJJ... that's definitely true, but there is something to be said for that butterfly feeling in your stomach, or feeling that excitement everytime you think his name, or hear his voice. I know couples who still feel that way after years and years of marriage.

But hell, if Tori didn't even feel that in the BEGINNING, then their relationship sounded like it was doomed before it started.

Great post!

Anonymous said...

I agree. It has to begin with passion, heat googlyeyes and goosebumps...
But for it to last, at some point it has to switch over/ morph/ grow into commitment to each other and the relationship.
That transformation period is where most (of my) relationships fall off. Too much heat and not enough fire extinguishers
:-(

Youre NOT a flitty girly-man, but you are definitely becoming a romantic... so cute ((pinching your cheek))

nikki said...

say it again...and again...and again...and again damnit.

onefromphilly said...

Met, fell in love, we never married each other, never lived together, married other folk, raised children, found each other again,

And 25 years later, I still get weak at the knees when he kisses me. If we make it work this time, TRUST it's because of the passion. Don't ever underestimate the power of passion. Love let me walk away from his azz 25 years ago but passion bought me back. Lot's of relationships have love, but the good ones have passion!

Anonymous said...

@One - Wow Gurl! That's some ol' Sleepless in Seattle, Love Jones stuff right there... Hooray for Passion!
:-P

Beana said...

wow at one...thats what I wish for. Its Ironic that a lot of the bloggers that I read are writing on the same topics. I think Love is what you have after the passion and fire become habit. I know right now I'm singing dem love songs a lot louder than I did before thanks to a certain man. I hope it stays like this forever. For Tori to settle was not fair. She made a choice and never gave him a chance to do the same. Thats selfish and bound to come back on her azz.

Mr.Slish said...

Butterflies! The newness of it all! Then it wears off and your like wtf is this SHIT!!! Where did this devil woman come from....Butteflies you mean DRAGON FLIES!!!!...lol...

The Brown Blogger said...

"Shit, men settle too. Mostly because they wanna a second mother."

The truth hurts like a muthafucker

Angel said...

"I think people underestimate the role excitement plays in a relationship, at least early on."

me too.

DivineLavender said...

Ditto to OnePHilly.



Passion is what gets me....


Hell, I can love some new perfume or some stupid VH1 Celebreality show!

Little Brown Girl said...

I know I been ghost for a minute...please forgive my absence as I've had a full azz plate. But Zeddie Bear this is one of your best works...so honest and so accurate. I feel like this more then not...wondering when I'll come across someone who makes the butterflies in my stomach do summersaults! The older I get the more enticing the idea of just settling for someone who loves me to no end becomes more appealing...but I want to love him to no end too. And that can't be wrong. So I wait...albeit alone but hell alone is better then the misery I'd find myself in (and put someone else in) if I settled for anything less then the passion I deserve.

Good shyt sweetie!! This was a nice piece to return to...THANKS!

Gemini Girl aka GG said...

i want the passion, butterflies, fall all over you, smoochey puddin pie..alladat.. 24/7...had it briefly,I can envision it, fantasize about it all the time, I've felt it but I want it all the time!and love too of course...you can't be passionate about something you don't love but u can love someone u r not passionate about...I want it all. love doesn't always keep a marriage going in the end he went for passion but we are the best fukn friends and we love each other...*sigh*

La Diva Latina said...

Stimulatin topic Zed..
I never realized how 'passionless' my union is until lately.
We have become that couple that is strictly together for the kids, and it sucks. :-(
I hope like OnefromPhilly, to reconnect with that 'one that got away' who I can't eat around because my stomach is jumpin' jumpin' *sigh*
IMHO you got one life...how u want your story told?

Anonymous said...

It's worse that she made the decision not because it was a bad choise for her, but because she gave him no option. Had she told him how she felt maybe he could've done more to make her happy, or maybe he could've realized that he wasn't the one for her and walked away. I think her selfishness speaks volumes. Attempting to spare someone's feeling has never and will never work